Hello, I'm Saturn.

[Saturngeek]

My name is Saturn, I'm 18yrs old, I will probably tell people later on my real name because it's not important. I joined this site in search of what may be wrong with me, I started having anxiety in Year 6, I was bullied alot in school because of the way I looked and the fact nobody really understood me as a person. It got worse as I got older though, I was very I guess paranoid about my every action, I worried about people attacking me for looking at them, I was scared to talk to people that seemed full on, I always used to look at my chair before I sat down because I worried about people putting something on there.

As a result of this I started to skip school regularly, I always used to make excuses to my parents that I wasn't feeling up to going to school and this carried on all the way through school, I got put into a special class for people with "issues" but most of their issues were bad behaviour related, I was scared to even join the little group of people because again, I thought they would think poorly of me. I still skipped school when I was in the special class and my parents almost got in trouble, so I started forcing myself into class now and then which sent me into a little bit of a breakdown, I skipped my GCSE's because I was so scared of facing everyone in the test.. I was scared that they would judge me in some way so I ended up in tears and strongly advised against attending.

I obsessed over the way I looked but I was never satisfied with the result, I would constantly eat and cry everynight, I would self harm too.

Today:
I'm still the same just I've been housebound for 7 Months, I'm scared of leaving the house and whenever I think about it I think about the people outside.. the way it stresses me out.. gets my emotions going, causing me to become depressed again. I havn't been diagnosed with anything as of yet and I'm confused about whatever I may have, when I found this site I thought there was hope.. I thought maybe someone could give me advice?
My family members (Apart from parents) seem to be judging me.. I know they're disappointed and nobody understands my situation.. my Uncle keeps lecturing me to get a job.. I want to get a job from home that doesn't involve people but I know it's hard, my dream job would be a Games Tester, I don't care if it doesn't pay well.. I just want to help my parents with at least some income..

I needed to get this off my chest and I hope that somebody replies, I've been lost for a very long time, nobody seems to understand..

Advice is much needed. Sorry for any mistakes and Sorry for the depressing intro.. :/

[nomorepanic]

Hi Saturngeek

We just wanted to welcome you aboard to NMP. We hope you enjoy your stay here and get all the support and advice you need.

Please take some time to read the website articles on the left as well for loads of advice and tips.

[diane07]

Welcome to NMP.

Sorry to hear your story, seems like you've had a really rough time of it.

Just to let you know, agoraphobia can be overcome so certainly don't feel like you'll always have it, at one point i couldn't even go the corner shop and now supermarkets don't phase me, so there is hope.

Take a good look around the forum and check out the articles on the left hand side they do hold some good info.

best wishes

di xx

[BobbyDog]

I can empathise with your story, I was also bullied all the way through school and the result of that was similar to your own. You can get through this situation with help and support, perhaps when you feel able, you could speak to your GP about CBT.

[Chrissy88]

Hey Saturn,
I was in a very similar situation to you and I ended up being diagnosed with agoraphobia and social anxiety disorder, although without a proper diagnosis from a professional you won't know for sure. Are there any doctor's in your area who do house visits? It might be worth a look into. Everyone here is going through some form of anxiety, so everyone is kind and understanding. Like diane07 said, there are some really good links on this site to read up on. By the way, it's awesome to see that another person on here loves video games. :D I wish you all the best. and hope you enjoy your time on here.

[Saturngeek]

I'm glad I found this website by accident, I've been told by my mom they don't do house visits around here anymore but I guess I'll have to look into it, I feel comforted that there are people here that are willing to support others even with their own problems.

x
Saturn

[willster]

Hi Saturn, it sounds like you've had a tough time, which is a shame because you sound nice.
It's good that you've started looking for some answers, by doing so I'm guessing you've already made good progress even if you don't yet realise it. Keep looking, I've suffered from anxiety all my life, but I've found that there is a lot you can do to really improve things.
Good luck and take care

[electrical_stormgirl]

Welcome Saturn, hope you find some support and comfort here :welcome:

[TidyboyTHFC]

hi saturn. sorry to hear your going through all this. we are all really friendly here tho, and ive only joined in the last few days :)

[Saturngeek]

Thank you everyone, Welcome Tidyboy :) I'm glad people are friendly here because I know people around here aren't lol.

[Stormsky]

Hi, you really need to see your gp to talk it all through and get some support action in place, be that counselling or medication... Sounds like you've been suffering alone for too long without help... People on here are great, but we are not doctors... Saying that, it will help to read all the info on here and others threads, and knowing your not alone is great help.