I just don't know whats going on anymore, feel like i'm losing myself! [Archive]

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Gotagetthroughthis

25-09-12, 19:46

Hi everyone just wanted to make this post as im really lost, I dont know whats going on with me I feel like im losing my mind.

I have had mild anxiety for a couple of years id say but nothing compared to a couple of months ago when it got out of control with non stop panic attacks everyday and what felt like i had a panic attack non stop for a week. I had a range of symptoms and i really thought I was dying.

Most of my anxiety is based around my health. I started taking Citalopram during the 2 months when i was out of control as i felt i had no way out. I was on Cit for 7 weeks and most of my symptoms were all still there. My anxiety reduced a tiny bit but i felt Dizzy and fuzzy all the time so i have just changed over to Sertraline a few days ago and am hopeing this will work out better.

I want to list my symptoms as i just dont know whats going on.

I have been constantly foggy, with dizzyness that is there most of the time. I get bursts of fuzzy sensations in my head where its like i cannot function at all. I get a sesation in my head like i am falling, maybe like vertigo for a few seconds; feels like my brain does a flip. I feel lightheaded a lot and feel like im on the verge of passing out. I feel wired and feel like i am buzzing off a drug at times, this comes out of nowhere. On and off shooting headaches and head pressure. Have had muscle twiches in different parts of body. Have woken up with whole body shaking/spasming uncontrolbly which didnt stop for an hour or more. Long distance Vision has become blurry. I have One pupil bigger than the other most of the time and sometimes it goes back to normal, this is not a small differance in size, it is clearly noticeable by family members. Had deafness in right ear for a few seconds that then rings and then returns to normal. My legs feel weak most of the time and in my head at times it feels like they do not belong to me and i have to actively think how to move them, not like usual. Have had random aching pains in right lower leg and both lower arms that comes and goes. I get disorientated and confused at times and my memory seems poor.

I feel like im forgetting who i am and what im here for, i feel like im losing my mind and im scared. Everything im my life and from the past just seems like a blur. Nothing feels real most of the time. I have had all these feelings pretty much non stop for 2 months, the severity of them goes up and down but i rarely if ever feel normal.

My doctors dont seem to listen to me and i think they just think i am a hypochondriact and maybe i am but all these symptoms are real and should be checked out. I try and believe its all anxiety but at times that is very hard. Im in the process of trying to get refered to a neurologist by my doctor but she keeps putting it off. I Just want some answers.

Sorry for such a long post but my brain just feels like its being eaten away and im losing myself. Just looking for some words of support and advice really.

Thank you for reading and id be greatfull for any replys

Supersal1984

25-09-12, 21:07

This sounds a lot like the side effects of the medication. I had this for a while withprozac it it wore off eventually. Also you have gone from one drug to the other. Try and stick this one out if you can and you should start noticing the difference after a few weeks. At the moment congratulate yourself for every day you get through, it will get better xxxxx

Gotagetthroughthis

25-09-12, 21:32

Thanks Supersal. I had a lot of these symptoms before the medication though. I was on the Citalopram for over 7 weeks and still had all the symptoms. Thats why it worries me.

Anxious_gal

25-09-12, 21:36

Have you had your ears checked?
I've not had any tests, but I do get ear ringing, pain, blocked ears, dizziness where it feels like I'm falling or floating then another type where it's inside my head feels like vibrating and I feel faint.

It sucks :( and doctors suck too!

flipped

25-09-12, 21:52

Hi, i have 90% of the symptoms you are having and im stuck in this hell too, the only thing i do is to make myself busy sometimes this helps sometimes not, i too would like any help if there is any out there, best wishes to you.

Stormsky

25-09-12, 21:58

I'm no fan of meds...took them for 10yrs, made me worse in many ways....came off them over a year ago now.... But if they work for you then that's good... Worth trying anyway...

Supersal1984

25-09-12, 22:03

I had the symptoms before the medication too, but I found the meds made it more intense. Hang on in there xxxx

Gotagetthroughthis

25-09-12, 22:21

Thanks guys. Anxious_gal no i havnt had my ears checked the doctor hasnt suggested anything like that but i will ask next time.

Stormsky you say they made you worse. In what way, how do you mean?

Stormsky

25-09-12, 22:30

Thanks guys.

Stormsky you say they made you worse. In what way, how do you mean?

Apart from 10yrs feeling spaced out and lacking emotion, I found they gave me new Anx symptoms that I didn't have before taking meds....I don't mean in the initial first weeks of starting meds, I mean over the years of taking them.....it's normal to have side effects when you start meds...

Gotagetthroughthis

26-09-12, 16:20

Apart from 10yrs feeling spaced out and lacking emotion, I found they gave me new Anx symptoms that I didn't have before taking meds....I don't mean in the initial first weeks of starting meds, I mean over the years of taking them.....it's normal to have side effects when you start meds...

I see. Sorry to hear that.

MissHDynamite

26-09-12, 22:44

Hi Gotagetthroughthis, I am in a similar situation myself at the moment. I have suffered with panic attacks since the age of 12 (47 now!) but have always lived my life around them. In the last few months they have got to where I have no idea how to control them and other phobias have come out of no where! I have always suffered from agoraphobis and claustraphobia but now I seem to have a new one.. I am terrified of being on my own for any length of time and it is taking over me. I too have vertigo, ringing and pressure in the ears, head zaps and my body shakes with fear ( so much so now that I cannot hide it from others which I used to be able to do) and I feel like I am losing my mind.. I understand exactly where your coming from and it is one scary place. As soon as I get anxious my body and mind seems to automatically go into derealisation mode. I am also starting to worry if I am acting "normal". I am told it is all down to anxiety although I did eventually have to insist on an MRI scan because I felt so poorly and so tired ALL the time. I had this a couple of weeks ago and still waiting for the results. I am now on my forth week of Lustral (sertraline) on a small dose but have to up it at the weekend. I also have Diazepam when desperate. It is amazing just how poorly anxiety can make you feel.. and of course because people cannot "see it" they cannot comprehend just how bad and frightening it is. Even as I writing this I am having to double check it as it is hard to think straight most of the time.

Laura123

26-09-12, 23:25

Everything you said is just like me, I wish I were able to word it as good as you have :) I am waiting to see ent about the dizziness and have been taking propranolol but just started taking citalopram today as well. I know from suffering years with anxiety that the physical symptoms it can produce are real and are simply terrifying, what I also know is that it will eventually pass and that I will find a way to deal with it and you will too. Good luck with your change of meds, tonight I took my first cit and thought I was going to die for about an hour, it's hard, but it's fixable! Xxx

MissHDynamite

26-09-12, 23:51

Hello Laura.. Well done on taking your first tablet :-) It took me months to pluck up the courage to take mine. Its amazing how many people are in a simialr situation. And although it is a long road, I hope we all find a way to recovery. Let us know how you go with your ENT and good luck x

Gotagetthroughthis

27-09-12, 22:03

Thanks for the replys guys.

Still not feeling to great and still have all the symptoms. I also now have more difficulty swallowing and having a clicking in my throat when i swallow. Also when i woke up this morning i had what i think was double vision but only for about 2 second and then it was just blurry and returned to normal. Maybe it was because i just woke up and was tired i dont know.

I swear all my symptoms point to something neurological. I dont know whats going on just want to be checked out and find out if anythings going on.

MissHDynamite

28-09-12, 01:10

I agree Gotagetthroughthis...

Like I said in one of my earlier posts I eventually had to insist to be referred to a neurologist and I think you should too. The thing is the symptoms we have are real even if they are caused by anxiety and they need checking. I was at the stage where I didn't know if the anxiety was making me poorly or the feeling poorly was making me anxious!

Try not to worry and keep us updated x

Gotagetthroughthis

28-09-12, 19:32

Thanks MissHDynamite, yea thats the situation im in, like you say dont know if its the anxiety causing the symptoms or me actually being ill causing anxiety. Just want to be checked out.

I still have all the symptoms and i cant doing stupid things that dont make sense, my short term memory is pretty much gone. Scared i dont know whats going on.

After going back to the doctors yet again with a letter and asking to be refered, they still have not done it yet. I rang up this morning and now hear the doctor who is supposed to do it is on leave. Its getting ridiculous now. Apparently the receptionist is going to get her to call me when shes back.

Laura123

28-09-12, 19:46

If you ask to be referred I thought they couldn't refuse you, are you on meds? X

Gotagetthroughthis

28-09-12, 20:11

Yea at first they just say its anxiety and said come back in a couple of weeks so then i kept going back still feeling crap and they say they will refer me but dont actually do it instead of refusing. This doctor has done this before and was wrong to as it ended up in me having an operation after being referred by someone else.

Yea i am on Sertraline 50mg, i swapped over from Citalopram last week as i dont think Citalopram was helping much.

MissHDynamite

28-09-12, 20:35

Gotagetthroughthis...

I empathise with you, I really do. Get the docs rang again on Monday morning and get an appointment!.. Any doctor can refer you so see who is ever in and tell them your sorry but no one else seems to be listening.. you INSIST on being referred and that you want all your bloods checked. Don't take no for an answer. Sounds silly but that is what I ended up having to do.

The thing is you are not going to settle until every avenue has been checked out so in which case you mind won't settle into getting better even if it is down to anxiety.

Like I say.. try not to worry. I also have trouble with my memory and forget what I am doing at the time but I am trying to put it down to just being preoccupied with worry. Your probably like me, even when having a conversation or watvhing TV your mind is elsewhere and your not really taking any of it in. And every day jobs are just a slog and we do it robotic like.

All the best and keep us updated xx

Gotagetthroughthis

29-09-12, 00:21

fozzy is crying

29-09-12, 00:34

Thanks MissHDynamite, it means a lot. I have rang the doctors today and they say my doctor will be back next week and they will get her to call me and do the referral but i can never trust them to do what they say so i will be ringing up anyway. Its just annoying, ive been going to the doctors for a few months about this now and its over a month since she said she would refer me and know doubt now if they do actually refer me i will be waiting a good few moths for the referral.

Thanks for the support :)

You can always ask to see your medical records at the surgery and in particular say you want to see the correspondence on the referral. By law they cannot refuse and if you do not want a copy they cannot charge you a fee.

If they have done it then OK but if not then you can shaken them up and say you will check again in a few days that it has been done.

Gotagetthroughthis

29-09-12, 03:35

Thanks Fozzy, yea thats what im going to do. I need to get in there back so they know im going to be checking up and then they should do it.

MissHDynamite

29-09-12, 14:24

Well what a rubbish day I am having :-( Woke up with a panic attack which lasted hours.. couldn't seem to sit down so kept tidying things for no reason. Now I have got to that chronic tired stage and my head is pounding and full of stress.. The only way for me to relax is to try and have a sleep to switch off!

Still going to "up" my Lustral tomorrow night as planned.. praying that I start to feel better soon.

Hope everyone else is doing ok :-)

Gotagetthroughthis

29-09-12, 22:55

MissHDynamite

30-09-12, 01:15

Gotagetthroughthis

30-09-12, 02:40

Hello gota... Sooo flipping stressed today... never mind with the usual but have loads of personal problems going at the moment too :-(

Have only been takng 12.5 of Lustral because of the side effects so upping it to 25. How are you doing on yours?

Im up and down really. Feel reasonably ok at times but still slightly dizzy all the time. Feel bad in the mornings and at night at the moment. Head just doesnt feel right.

Hopefully we start feeling better soon.

fozzy is crying

30-09-12, 02:48

Im up and down really. Feel reasonably ok at times but still slightly dizzy all the time. Feel bad in the mornings and at night at the moment. Head just doesnt feel right.

Hopefully we start feeling better soon.

Hiya,

I have to agree at this time of the day and not many around my head is in a strange place.

:bighug1:

Hope the hug helps.

Gordon

Gotagetthroughthis

30-09-12, 02:55

Thanks Fozzy mate.

Hugs to you to :)

fozzy is crying

30-09-12, 03:00

Thanks Fozzy mate.

Hugs to you to :)

Absolutely no reason to thank me ever. I think you are a great guy who needs to be shot of all the crap in your life.

Thank me again and you will have a new problem. :roflmao:

Gotagetthroughthis

30-09-12, 17:19

I feel like total crap today. So Foggy and dream like. Constant slight dizzy/lightheadedness and i get like attacks for a few second of what i think is vertigo, feels like my brain does a flip inside my head. Im confused all the time, dont feel like im real anymore.

Dont know what to do anymore.

MissHDynamite

30-09-12, 20:44

Hello Fozzy and Gota... Sorry your feeling rubbish today Gota.. I am feeling similar but for different reasons. No idea why but woke up again in a massive panic. My daughter (20) ended up ringing NHS helpline as she didnt know what to do with me. They sent a paramedic and after calming me down a bit I explained that I just cannot cope with all this stress and feel like I am losing it.

Like you today Gota.. I just don't feel real. I feel like my body is here but my heads not! Its really beginning to frighten me now.

I really hope we all feel better soon :-) ps.. Don't forget to chase up that referal tomorrow xx

Gotagetthroughthis

30-09-12, 23:16

Ah yea at times i ring NHS direct when i dont see any other options. What did the paramedic say? did they understand?

Yep i will call the doctors tomorrow to make sure they are doing it.

Yep hard times, but we can and will get better. :)

MissHDynamite

01-10-12, 01:32

Hi.. Yes he was very understanding. He got in touch with some mental health workers and someone calling me tomorrow to see if it is the tablets making me feel worse. If it is and they want to change it, I just hope it helps me feel better soon. Had thought that 5/6 weeks in on these I would have started to feel a little less anxious not more! Just laughing at myself here.. Laying in bed absolutely tired out and frightened to go to sleep in case I wake up feeling like I did this morning. Meant to ask you Gota.. I know you have all these symptoms but apart from the doc saying its anxiety is anxiety/panic attacks something you generally suffer from? x

Gotagetthroughthis

01-10-12, 04:08

Yea well I do suffer from them now but didnt really before all these symptoms started a few months ago. I may have had mild anxiety before but not anything that i was bothered about untill all this hit me.

Yea you would think you would be feeling a bit better after 6 weeks on the drugs, it may just be a tough few days since you upped your dose and your body is just getting used to it.

MissHDynamite

01-10-12, 14:20

Hiya Gota..

Notice your on at sily o'clock in a morning! lol Are you not sleeping well? Oh well I have been told not to take the Lustral now.. seeing doc tomorrow to review and try something else.

How did you get on with the referal business.. did she listen?

Gotagetthroughthis

01-10-12, 19:28

Hey missDynamite

Yea cant really sleep and my sleep patterns all messed up anyway. Oh well atleast your doctor give you some advice and suggests what to do lol.

I phoned about the referral but she wasnt there again, apparently shes back tomorrow and is going to call me but ill ring in anyway.

She has to listen as im not getting any better.

MissHDynamite

01-10-12, 21:08

Hello You :-)

Isn't this just horrible! Have re-read your first post with all the symptoms on.. have you still got them all and are you having them every day?

My other question is, did you feel any worse on Citalopram as I am now getting worried in case they give me them tomorrow and I have all the start up feelings again!

And just out of interest, which part of the country are you in? lol x

Gotagetthroughthis

02-10-12, 00:13

Hey :)

Yea I do get most of the symptoms every day but the severeness of them goes up and down. Like ill have a day where i dont have any major symptoms but im still always slightly dizzy lightheaded, with funny feelings in my head. I never feel right or normal.

Erm to be honest i cant feel much difference between the Cit and Sert at the moment, those symptoms were there while i was on the cit but i dont think its that causing them so dont read into that to much. Each drug works differently for each person so the side effects i get may be completely different to what you get. Its still early days for me on the Sertraline, only 9 days in so i cant judge yet. I have felt a bit worse while changing over but thats to be expected i think and it hasnt been that bad.

Its up to you see what the doctor says. How long have you been on Sertraline again?

MissHDynamite

02-10-12, 01:26

Hello you :-)

I have been on the Lustral for over 5 weeks but only on a small dose. It is my panic attacks which are more often and a lot worse. Really struggling to control them now and they lasting longer. I also mentioned to the doc today that I am feeling very aggitated at times and worryingly a feeling a bit aggresive!

Yesterday in a full blown panic I pushed my daughter out of the way :-( This is not like me at all and it scared us both.. it was horrible.

I am not sure if the doc will up my Lustral (Sertraline) or change the tabs.. I have just been told not to take anything until we have discussed it tomorrow.

I hope you get that referal sorted tomorrow.. Are you a sufferer of depression normally?.. I have found it to be creeping up on me lately and noticed I am just doing the basics around the house not my usual OCD cleaning lol x

Gotagetthroughthis

02-10-12, 02:16

Ah i see, yea maybe there not helping the panic attacks then and the Cit might be different, i dont know.

Na i wouldnt say i usually suffer from depression, maybe i was a bit moody and unmotivated but i wouldnt say depressed but when the anxietys like this is down get you down. Im the same i dont really do much at the moment the days just float by. x

Gotagetthroughthis

07-10-12, 22:02

Sorry to bring this thread up again people im just in a bit of a state again.

Im still the same as i was a few weeks ago just spending all my time at home on my room as i just feel to dizzy and ill to go out. I dont feel very anxious anymore but just dont feel right, my head feels weird and im always slightly lighthead.

Recently ive noticed ive been very angry, ive been taking it outon family members and its not fair. After ive done it i feel bad but yet i go and do it again, as in the heat of the moment i dont care about anything. I say really nasty things that i dont mean and i become very aggressive. I just dont know whats going on anymore, i dont feel much anxiety i just dont feel all there in my head. My family are telling me i need counselling and anger management. Im going back to the doctor tomorrow, what sort of things should i be asking for?

Gotagetthroughthis

08-11-12, 03:33

:wacko: