paranoidtree
26-09-12, 09:18
It's really frustrating. I've had a couple of 'ok' days, on Monday i started researching the links between diet and anxiety and decided that because i get so nervous taking tablets (even vitamin type things!) that i would find a nutritionist to work with so that i could have some support and be under the guidance of a professional.
So yesterday i spoke to someone who was lovely, i was on the phone for 34 minutes with her speaking about various things and she really understood. She gave me other things to look at and i came away feeling really good about myself. In the afternoon i even popped to the school where i'm going to be working from November to drop in some documents and went to a shop 20 min drive away with my mum and NO PANIC!
Then last night i was talking to husband about the nutritionist and about whether i should go for it and i had this sudden rush of panic and what if this and what if that. Underlined by a feeling/thought that i won't stick to it as i never do (i do tend to have a habit of starting something to help myself and then stopping when it starts working but this is due to self esteem and a need to 'punish' myself) and started having second thoughts. My husband said sleep on it.
So this morning i woke up with a real feeling of dread, i was worried about him going to work in case he got hit by a car (he cycles) because it feels like i had been doing ok, was going to do something good and that therefore means that something bad will happen to counter this.
I feel under pressure to get better because i start my new job in 6 weeks and there is my brother in laws wedding which i'm dreading as it's all the way in Whitby (4/5 hour drive from me) so i have to stay over etc. Because i did think about maybe leaving off my decision for a while but if i do that then there isn't long before my 6 weeks is up and i know when you take stuff it can take a while to work!
Sorry for long post/rant, just wanted to get it down and see if there are any others who suffer the same?
So yesterday i spoke to someone who was lovely, i was on the phone for 34 minutes with her speaking about various things and she really understood. She gave me other things to look at and i came away feeling really good about myself. In the afternoon i even popped to the school where i'm going to be working from November to drop in some documents and went to a shop 20 min drive away with my mum and NO PANIC!
Then last night i was talking to husband about the nutritionist and about whether i should go for it and i had this sudden rush of panic and what if this and what if that. Underlined by a feeling/thought that i won't stick to it as i never do (i do tend to have a habit of starting something to help myself and then stopping when it starts working but this is due to self esteem and a need to 'punish' myself) and started having second thoughts. My husband said sleep on it.
So this morning i woke up with a real feeling of dread, i was worried about him going to work in case he got hit by a car (he cycles) because it feels like i had been doing ok, was going to do something good and that therefore means that something bad will happen to counter this.
I feel under pressure to get better because i start my new job in 6 weeks and there is my brother in laws wedding which i'm dreading as it's all the way in Whitby (4/5 hour drive from me) so i have to stay over etc. Because i did think about maybe leaving off my decision for a while but if i do that then there isn't long before my 6 weeks is up and i know when you take stuff it can take a while to work!
Sorry for long post/rant, just wanted to get it down and see if there are any others who suffer the same?