View Full Version : Diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome
Hi all, I'm not quite sure where to put this. My therapist offered me a free 90-minute session today (it was supposed to be an hour but oh well) so we could run through a battery of personality tests and discuss, in depth, the conflicted nature which seems to be generating or reinforcing my illness.
She said she's been thinking for a while that I may have Aspergers Syndrome. This is a brief and possibly slightly incorrect explanation: Aspergers means that your brain is wired up differently. You possess a kind of narrow and extremely intense concentration called "vertical vision" - however at the same time you are physically capable of taking in much, much more information that simply becomes a senseless clutter. This is why I get burned out and feel that I can't cope with life. My subsconscious is taking in way, way too much for my narrow focus to resolve. This is apparently very common for Aspergers.
I always score unusually high marks on IQ tests, but at the same time struggle to take in new things or remember phone numbers. I couldn't change a set of diesel glow plugs without dropping something into the engine bay, but I can beat my university-graduated friend (who worked for Prodrive and now works for British Aerospace in research and development) on IQ tests without any preparation at all other than a few deep breaths.
This also explains the many, many social issues I've had throughout my life and these same social issues are probably what led to me developing anxiety and depression - this is really common among Aspergers. You literally cannot make sense of other people as you are focusing on one aspect of the situation while failing to understand everything else.
The intense, almost obsessive concentration is what led me to write the citalopram survival guide and drag myself out of the anxious and depressed hell I was experiencing from November 2011-March 2012.
I'm not sure what this means as you don't fight or cure Aspergers. You work out how much it influences you, then you build up your social skills and learn to harness the unique advantages that come with the condition. Bill Gates has Aspergers. We need to find out why I have not been able to use my brains to get further in life.
So a new, strange road lies ahead. I'll report anything new in the hope that someone else here might benefit.
Hi I work with students with Aspergers and autism so have some understanding about it. Now that you have been diagnosed you should be able to access more help and support.
Hi Annie, if it's ok I might have some questions for you over the coming days. Does Aspergers cause feelings of time pressure, or is that related to ADHD or something else? Do you agree that Aspergers should simply be classed as autism or do you think it's distinct? My therapist is making the case that Aspergers is an autism-spectrum issue, rather than simply autism in itself.
Aspergers is on the Autistic spectrum but it is milder than Autism. Yes it can cause feelings of time pressure and quite a few of my students get impatient waiting for things to happen for example, one boy was doing food technology and he sat on a chair in front of the oven door with oven gloves on wanting to check it every few minutes. I had to explain to him that it would never cook if he kept opening the oven door!
That's very interesting. Up until now I have had no explanation for the sense of time pressure, although that does have something to do with my family. I wonder if my mum or dad also have Asperger's.
I had to back off during the session as I felt that I was too close to becoming "whole" - that is, finally understanding who and what I am - and I am not ready for that yet. I don't want to make myself whole, then find the whole is broken.
My therapist is trying to find the evolutionary cause and purpose of why some people are Aspergers. I had to ask her to stop. I have this weird, unshakable feeling that if we figure that out, we'll find God. I realise how irrational and plain weird that sounds, yet the feeling is only getting stronger. It feels like something big is going to happen.
It's a lot to take in.
EDIT: When I say we'll find God, I don't mean he or it will come to Earth just to tell me I'm special. I believe that there is something behind evolution, something that is not random, and if human beings start to unpick its handiwork, we will begin to understand it. I do think there are some things humans shouldn't explore. I cannot explain why I have this weird and eerie feeling. It's like someone took the roof off my world and I'm looking up at the universe.
I am happy to try to answer any questions you may have, you can send private messages if you want to. Aspergers and Autism can be genetic but this is not always the case. I have an autistic student whose mother is also autistic.
No worries, I'll send you a couple of PMs over the coming days as I need to get my head together.
My priority is to find out what is "blocking" me from taking on board important information. According to my therapist, this is the nature of my brain. It can learn certain things but not too much at once. I am wondering what the hell I can do about this if it's the way my brain is wired up.
Hi PsychoPoet, can I ask u when did u get dignosed with aspergus? Only ask this question because I have learning difficulties (special needs) and never been labelled and can't be labelled now :'( i'm 22 and really struggling to deal with who I am? :'(
Hi PsychoPoet, can I ask u when did u get dignosed with aspergus? Only ask this question because I have learning difficulties (special needs) and never been labelled and can't be labelled now :'( i'm 22 and really struggling to deal with who I am? :'(
I work in a special needs department...I don't really like to use the word labelled but sometimes if a child has learning difficulties they are put on the special needs register with 'General Learning Difficulties' which may apply to you. Some have 'specific learning difficulties' for example Dyslexia. I hope this helps you Lonely Girl. PM me if you want to know anything else. :)
Thanks Annie, just hard sometimes when people ask whats wrong all I can say is I'm on the austism skull thats all I can say to them :(
Lonely Girl: I was provisionally diagnosed yesterday. My therapist asked me to read up on it and tell her what I think. She advised me to read proper Aspergers stuff, not rely on Doctor Google. Dr Google is to all intents and purposes useless when it comes to self-diagnosing and I will never use it again.
Some of the criteria don't describe me at all: I love reading fiction almost as much as writing it. I'm not obsessed with numbers. The Wikipedia article is one-sided, labouring over all the negative aspects of Aspergers and making it out to be utterly dreadful. The article does not feature any of the benefits of high-functioning Aspergers. And yes, Aspergers people do possess some distinct advantages to counter their social drawbacks.
I seem to have very intense focus which allows me to get tons of work done. I regularly spot things others would miss. My memory and capacity to understand things I enjoy is amazing. I always score highly on IQ tests although I suck at maths and struggle to understand technical stuff at first. I have overcome some of my social issues through hard work and sheer bloody-mindedness and my "AQ score" (used to measure possitbility of Aspergers) is lower than it would have been 10 years ago, but still in the range of 86% probability.
I am very difficult to "condition" which is another feature of the illness. (Maybe this is why we suffer such social problems?) I wouldn't go out and buy a Crapple iPhone for example, and I possess very low regard for "fashion victims", the mass media and other things which symbolise what I see as human slavery to someone else's whims.
Thanks PsychoPoet It's not fair sometimes though when noone can tell me what's wrong with me apart from I'm on the autism skull, Oh well I just have to deal with it and I'll take that quick test in min
theharvestmouse
27-09-12, 18:24
I have always felt I have something else wrong with me, I don't know what it is but I am convinced that my thought process is different to others. Its not aspergers and I would not know where to find out what it is with me. Maybe it is the years of anxiety that has just made me think that there is something wrong with me.
It's so frustrating and you know there is something that is not quite the same as other and others find it difficult to relate to you.
Sparkle1984
27-09-12, 19:57
I have Aspergers Syndrome and I was diagnosed when I was about 16. Ever since I started primary school I noticed there was something different about me - I found it hard to interact with the other children and a lot of the time I played on my own. I'm not as shy as I used to be, but I'm still a lot quieter than the average person. I find it a lot easier to communicate on the internet than in real life. I was glad when I was diagnosed because it helped to explain why I was different to other people my age.
I don't necessarily see it as a disadvantage though, because even though my social skills are poor I have many other skills which compensate for that. I've always enjoyed learning new things and my main special interest is computers and technology and I now work in IT, which I really enjoy. I have a small circle of friends who are really understanding, and I'm very grateful for that.
If you have any questions, please ask.
Thanks Sparkle :'( just really upsets me sometimes because I've never had a group I can go to because I've never been diagnosed
Sparkle1984
27-09-12, 20:35
Lonely Girl, some Aspergers support groups will accept people even if they don't have an official diagnosis, because they realise that it can sometimes be hard to get a diagnosis. I used to attend a local Aspergers support group (run by a charity) and several of the people there were self-diagnosed (ie they didn't have a formal diagnosis, but they strongly suspected that they had Aspergers).
Sparkle - thanks, that is incredibly reassuring. I will be PMing you. I should point out that while people with aspergers tend to suffer from anxiety and depression related to social problems, these problems can be overcome. I'm always going on about CBT. If you get a therapist like mine, who seems to know everything, you can beef up your behavioural skills.
Aspergers is not an illness, it's a type of person, so fighting aspergers is like fighting being left-handed or blind in one eye. The main thing seems to be to accept it, learn about it (avoiding Dr Google and speaking to actual specialists or people with the condition, since real people are incredibly positive about aspergers) and work out a plan to improve your people skills.
TheHarvestMouse: I haven't got time to do this now, but I intend to start reading through some of your posts. I really feel for you mate and I think it's time I turned my attention to giving you some proper advice.
Thank you Sparkle and everyone on here for your help I shall look into that :-)
theharvestmouse
28-09-12, 18:54
Thanks Poet, I looked up Aspergers, and its definitely not that for me, I also looked at autism. Its possible that it is just the anxiety and I am looking for other things. But I have always had some sort of problem, deep down I think there is some issue.
Hi HarvestMouse. Sorry for the long-winded post; it is mainly for you but should be useful for anyone who has failed to recover after therapy and medication.
From what you've told me I think there is something more going on than "just" anxiety and depression. This does not necessarily mean you suffer from any form of autism. I'm not a specialist, autism is very poorly understood by non-specialists, but if it is a form of autism it does not mean you are the Rain Man or you're doomed to a sub-standard or bizarre, unhappy life. Autism can be managed. It presents some very distinct disadvantages, but for high-functioning people (those who are not completely debilitated by it) there can be a handful of potentially tremendous benefits, as if this is some kind of cosmic pay-off.
On a non-autism note. You indicate you have had long battles with the illness of anxiety and depression, and have responded to therapy, but the conditions just won't go away. Maybe you have the two-circle effect which I mentioned in another thread:
Imagine a small black circle inside a larger white circle. The white circle is labelled "MENTAL HEALTH" and includes your anxiety, depression and associated problems. The inner circle simply has a white question mark in it. Whatever's hiding in the black circle is generating and reinforcing the things in the white circle.
Treating the white circle will certainly help to improve your life and can have lasting benefits which may include a sense of recovery. However, unless you uncover the Shitty Secret of the Black Circle (from the novel by Enid Blyton), you will always be vulnerable to relapse. This could be the "shadow" that so many of us experience, and could be partly why remembering our bad days is still so painful.
I should clarify something to anyone who reads my posts. My use of the term "mental health" does not mean I think you're mentally ill in the cliched, over-generalised sense that most people use. That over-generalised sense means psychosis.
Mental health is an umbrella term. Mental health in its correct use simply means the health of your mind and emotions. It does NOT always mean psychosis. Psychosis is a form of mental illness, just like anxiety and depression are forms of mental illness. All these conditions come under the umbrella of "mental health issues".
Hope that helps people who are getting health anxiety over this.
Hi psychopoet,
Just picked up this thread, as I have a referral for possible autism from my GP, after wi requested one. I'd been having issues at work about behaviour, perceived arrogance, rudeness etc which when I look back in combination with other facts seems to make sense of mild autism. Have you taken the Wired AQ test? It's a well attested to online survey which was publicised by Wired magazine in the US but developed out of Cambridge University in the UK.
As for reading there are lots of useful books on Amazon,esp. for the kindle so you can read a chapter or two for free which is really useful. The best book I've come across is only £0.77 but worth it weight in goals "a spectrum of relationships" by c s wyatt. There's lots about autism in children or transiting from childhood to adulthood, but not a huge amount on getting a diagnosis in later life.
The most interesting question my GP asked was what would it mean for you if you had a formal diagnosis, to which I answered that since I worked for the civil service a diagnosis would make it easier for me career wise, since I'd be able to choose a more suitable career path; hopefully one that keeps me away from customer facing roles as a computer scientist I'm happiest don in the technical weeds.
I wish you well, however things go
One of us
Hi Oneofus. I took the Wired.com test. It's the same as the one on aspergers.com so I'd have to recommend the aspergers site. They send you an email a day which is easily digestible and incredibly reassuring, explaining your test results and listing all of the known symptoms of aspergers and other autism types in a positive and proactive way. If you think the Citalopram Survival Guide is optimistic, it's practically dour compared to the aspergers.com emails. It's a very positive sign that you've already thought of what a diagnosis will mean to you. I don't think many people look ahead with a thoughtful, workmanlike attitude, which may actually distinguish you as an aspergers. A situation like this is something for your mind to work at and build possibilities. It is not an obstacle; in fact it represents freedom of a kind, freedom from uncertainty, self-doubt and self-recrimination.
I asked my therapist to back off slightly in my last session as I felt close to finally understanding myself. I was worried what it would do to me if I was made whole and the whole turned out to be broken.
However the whole has not turned out to be broken. I feel stronger in myself, more confident, more complete. My horrible past now makes sense. It's like there were cataracts in my mind's eye that have been washed free.
This could have broken the back of my anxiety. Now I know what is probably going on, what need have I got for further anxiety or depression? I have a clear and present situation to work with. I don't need to blame myself; I don't need to believe the whole world has turned against me. Everything makes sense, and that eliminates all but the echoes of fear.
Hello
I would be wary of accepting a therapist's diagnosis, even if the signs seem to indicate that he or she is correct. You can have your GP refer you to be properly diagnosed.
We all have aspects of ASD within our behaviours. Furthermore, people completing questionnaires are quite liable to identify with questions which ask them to locate certain behaviours or attributes within themselves. This is how astrology very often chimes with those individuals who read their star sign's character profile.
So, please do go and have yourself officially diagnosed before seizing upon it as an explanation for all the things which have troubled you in the past.
My daughter (aged 7) has Asperger's and I, in consequence, wrote my dissertation (whilst training as a psychotherapist) on AS. I believe that I know more about the condition than many / most therapists and I have worked with several AS people. I still wouldn't dare to posit a diagnosis. The most I would do is explore the possibility and have the client go to the true professionals to be certain.
Best wishes
Paul
Hi Paul, thank you for the advice. In reality it may not matter whether I am clinically aspergers; the symptoms I have experienced will probably need to be managed the same way. My therapist has advised me that it can be a nightmare to diagnose, particularly in adults, so at this point we are proceeding on the basis that aspergers fits everything since my prior medical diagnosis of GAD did not for the following reasons.
It's been bugging me for a while that some elements of my GAD show no signs of improving. We could not find an answer for why I am stuck in a loop in some ways, when I've made leaps and bounds in others. She's mentioned before that it's like there's something much more powerful than the GAD and the GAD may just be a symptom of it. It MUST be big if the GAD is its bitch - my anxiety problems have been among the worst of anyone I've spoken to. I am not like a "normal" person for so many reasons. My personality, the way my mind works, these things have literally trapped me in an obsessional spiral of anxious illness. I can't properly explain this in the time available.
There's one question about diagnosis. Some people believe that a score on a chart indicates a yay or nay. My score on the chart has decreased compared to 10 years ago. Back then, my score would have been "you are almost certainly aspergers". Now it's "you are 86% likely to be aspergers". So a doctor who even recognised aspergers as a seperate condition might now say I don't have it. If I don't have it now but would have ten years ago, what does that mean? Are they trying to tell me I've recovered from autism? There's nothing to recover from, it's who you are, it's a lifelong condition that gets no better and no worse. My doctor is such a prat he'd probably diagnose me with St Vitus' Dance.
There's such a grey area around this stuff. It's no wonder people don't get the help we need.
Hello again
ASD conditions are classified by DSM lV as being one of the pervasive developmental disorders. Developmental disorders aren't a life sentence of remaining forever unable to do a, b or c. It simply means that aspies will experience more difficulty in those areas within the triad of impairments.
So, aspies can learn social skills. They can develop a more advanced theory of mind. They can learn to improve upon anything. It simply doesn't come as easily as it would to a neurotypical. An aspie may never have the refined social skills of an accomplished diplomat but they can improve upon their skills. To be aspergers is to be anxious. (To be human is to be anxious too, by the way) You can, however, learn to deal with the anxiety more effectively. This continual growth in your abilities would, therefore, account for your improving scores - assuming you are AS.
Paul
p.s. having re-read your post - one aspect of aspergers is the relative difficulty aspies have in globalising. For example, one aspie client of mine became proficient at feeling calm and confident when out walking his dog but didn't realise (until it was pointed out) that he could use those same self-calming skills when facing similar anxieties in college. Could this account for your experience of improvement in some areas and not in others? Could you and your therapist work at transferring those abilities you've used to improve in some areas into the others? I find a solutions-focused approach is very useful when working with aspie clients. Bliss and Edmonds wrote an excellent book on this which forms the basis of my work with such clients: "A self-determined future with Asperger Syndrome." 2008 JKP
Hi, that's very interesting. Nat, my therapist, explained it in a similar way but we have only had one session on it so far.
My point is, a doctor who has no working experience of this stuff might tell me I am NOT aspergers because I don't score high enough on the chart. The reason I don't score high enough is due to making a concerted effort to improve my social skills. Improving these skills does not change an inherent character flaw, it simply drops my score. I'm interested to know your thoughts on that.
To be aspergers is to be anxious.That's the story of my life. We were trying to treat a fear of uncertainty which has had some success. We were never able to explain WHY I had such a reaction to uncertainty. We were not able to explain my social fears, or my difficulty with romantic relationships. However I might come across here, in real life I am considered very easy to get on with. My friendships with colleagues and distant relatives do not run very deep but I can get on with nearly anyone. I do particularly well on customer feedback scores - but I work in a call centre. I don't know how well I would cope in a face to face job and would probably prefer to avoid one. I have never been able to explain WHY this dichotomy exists, if dichotomy is the correct word: how can a person be well-known and well-liked, yet at the same time hard to get to know and difficult to appreciate?
p.s.2
Aspergers is a grey area. It is called a spectrum within a spectrum. I don't really like labels because people come to rely upon them and look at themselves in order to squeeze themselves into the box labelled A, B or C. Each aspie is different and so any attempt to provide a precise definition of the syndrome will inevitably fail to catch all.
Aspies are as unique as anybody else.
---------- Post added at 16:32 ---------- Previous post was at 16:25 ----------
Hmmm, a helium balloon will float. Attach a lead weight to it and it will float at a lower level. Pump more helium in and it will float higher but never as high as would have been the case were the weight removed.
Some aspies aren't too good with metaphor but I think you are, given what I've read. You can float higher by improving upon your skills but aspergers is your little lead weight. The flaw may not be removed but I imagine that a diamond can be so polished as to render a flaw unimportant. Hmm, I like that metaphor.I'll use that with a client ASAP. Anyway, the point is that you may always have a "flaw" but there is no reason why you can't learn to be happy whilst accepting this same flaw. God knows we all have enough flaws. Yours are merely different to mine. You get anxious about some things. I get anxious about others. I have learned, more or less, to cope with my anxieties. You can learn to live and cope with yours.
Face to face work can provide sensory over-stimulation. You would thus feel more comfortable with that burden removed. People also 'phone call centres to achieve a task or to resolve a problem. Aspies are stereo-typically good at such things on a practical level.
People like goodness in others. A few quirks and idiosyncracies won't matter to those who seek the good heart within. The English are also supposed to like eccentricities. Aspergers types can appear charmingly eccentric.
By the way - are you aware of how few aspies manage to hold down a job? If you are aspergers then you ought to be proud. You have a great many strengths. My advice would be to nurture and build upon those. If aspergers means you will always have "flaws," then play to your strengths and allow the flaws to assume their rightful proportions.
Paul
From comments on the NHS site (http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Autistic-spectrum-disorder/Pages/Diagnosis.aspx) I was lead to believe that getting a diagnosis of autism as an adult was difficult to do. So I was moderately surprised my GP put me through, but mentioning my problems with socialisation and friendship formation seemed to be a clincher at least in part.
I'm now waiting for the referral date but until then I'm collecting a list of things I can recall that may help with the diagnosis e.g. I have a dislike of heights finding it difficult to climb to the top of only a moderately high hill, bad motor skills sports wise, inappropriate language usage etc. Looking from an NT perspective at myself I wouldn't say I'd meet the stereotypical view of an autistic individual. I function perfectly well on a day to day basis and have no obvious motor or sensor problems; mind you that is according to my own belief.
This (http://www.autism-world.com/index.php/2007/09/13/list-of-aspergers-syndrome-characteristics/) is a useful list of symptoms. If you can talk to your parents about your early childhood development, when did you begin to talk, walk etc that may be useful as well. The diagnosticians apparently look for three things, difficulties with socialisation and emotions, language and communication, and flexibility of thought, see here (http://www.autism.org.uk/working-with/education/educational-professionals-in-schools/breaking-down-barriers-to-learning/asperger-syndrome-the-triad-of-impairments.aspx).
Here I go again.... Sorry to keep dealing with your messages one bit at a time. I'm about to start seeing another aspie client and the last one was a while ago. It's good - therefore - to be reminded of what I need to bear in mind.
Uncertainty - here goes...
The world is unpredictable and people (incomprehensibly to many aspies) don't behave as they should.They will make plans and change them at the last moment. They will say one thing and mean another. They are not very rational much of the time. Aspies, with their weak theory of mind, will try to make sense of neurotypicals by attempting to predict what will happen in any given situation. Neurotypicals don't feel obliged to co-operate.
Aspies will therefore try to compensate for the world's unpredictability by constructing a wholly predictable universe of their own. Routines become important because they give certainty and shape. If the world doesn't make sense then they will ensure that their part of it does. Their worlds, unfortunately, are not islands and so uncertainty will creep in despite their efforts. They will resent this and their inability to preserve their "schemas" will create anxiety.
A generalisation, to be sure, but it works for many. My daughter doesn't have a great many routines but when she does come to expect something she is invariably devastated when it doesn't come to pass.
Read Deborah Lipsky's book on meltdowns. Read Dubin's book on Aspergers and anxiety. Read Muggleton's book on "Raising martians." All three authors are aspies and I think you'll find them helpful.
---------- Post added at 17:04 ---------- Previous post was at 16:57 ----------
I hope your visit to the specialists helps you in whatever way you want it to - oneofus.
Thanks Paul,
Useful thoughts, I do find that there's an awful lot of work done on autism and its diagnosis in children but not a lot on its diagnosis in adults esp. high functioning autism with high IQ where individuals may have four or five decades to adapt coping strategies.
I've moved around job wise fairly regularly and kept away from customer facing roles until the last five or so years, and my current position, my first in a large organisation over a long period, has put stressors on me which seem to be unravelling threads. So if as I suspect I am low on the autism scale I evolved coping strategies fairly easily which made the symptoms less visible or I escaped the situation before I was made aware of it.
I can quote many situations where I seem to have put my feet directly in my mouth without necessarily realising I had but been perplexed by comments other people have made out of my hearing e.g. he's odd or rude. So I could really do with knowing what might be the cause of this and do something about, possibly by avoiding certain situations, letting others know so they can make adjustments etc. The latter, self disclosure, will be the hardest decision I expect.
one of us
Yes, disclosure is a difficult decision. Is there anyone you can trust at work who could help you decide whether telling others is a good idea or not? We chose to tell our daughter about her condition and the other kids at school know. She's rather a loner at school but is quite popular in a way. She hasn't suffered any bullying. It's to be hoped that self-disclosure is an easier thing these days and that colleagues and peers will be more understanding and open minded.
You're right on the research. This is partly why I wrote my disertation on hypno-psychotherapy and AS. There's little literature on psychotherapy and Asperger's.
There are some good books for adults though. I listed a few above. Dubin, Lipsky and Muggleton have written excellent books and they're all quite new -so you may not be aware of their existence. You might find them helpful.
Paul
Paul,
The one thing going for self disclosure, at least within the Civil Service, is that they're very concerned to do the right thing and put the right policy in place. Sadly less out of concern for the well being of the individual than for legal reasons, autism being covered by the Disability and the Equality Act 2010.
But people are people, or should I say NT's are NT's, and they will be make judgements before the facts are know. My team leader has already said work has dried up once my name has been mentioned, with the implication that it is due to perceived personality problems. At least with a formal diagnosis I would have a legal lever to stop such happening, since if I had disclosed and it became obvious that I was "being discriminated against" I would have something to fall back against and at least be able to say to myself, "No I didn't deliberately go out of my way to be rude or arrogant" (not that I'm incapable of doing that to certain members of the Civil Service....) which would at least enable me to lower my stress levels.
Thanks for the help
one of us
I see, yes, then it certainly is a good thing to go for an official diagnosis. I hope it goes well.
Paul
Well, I haven't written a dissertation, but I did write an epic-scale, apocalyptic Horus Heresy story about the Siege of Terra that "kind of" went down well :yesyes:
I agree with Oneofus, I recently cut my hours to part time even though I can barely afford to do so and am in a lot of debt (relatively speaking to my income). I have walked out of good jobs, I have spurned potential friends and potential romances, in fact I've spent much of my life isolated even though I'm surrounded by people.
Only my fight-back against anxiety and depression, which I have fought more ferociously than anything in my life, has started to detach the weights from my balloon. You see I love a good metaphor. In fact I talk in metaphor and analogy - there is a creative streak in me that just takes over. Yet if I was talking to a girl and she was showing signs of interest in me that other people notice, I will just chat to her as a friend and that will be that. It's like there is a part of me that is not capable of interpreting romantic signals. Nor can I interpret whether someone is threatening me, or making a "robust" joke.
In fact I can give you a concrete example of how my mind works. Lately I've been working on building maps for a computer game project. I have very little technical knowledge about what I'm doing and I have struggled, but look at what I've come up with. These are work in progress shots of my first two maps ever.
Just in case anyone actually still plays this game, the writing in the second map does actually appear in-game and is not my crappy handwriting ;)
http://i138.photobucket.com/albums/q255/nopoet406/ppmap.jpg
http://i138.photobucket.com/albums/q255/nopoet406/rawnspdr.wad_MAP01_zpsd0e63571.png
Hi PsychoPoet, I was diagnosed with Asperger's about 5 years ago now. It does seem to cause a lot of anxiety, especially in social situations. But understanding why you are the way you are can help you learn new skills to make these situations easier. My diagnosis has helped me a lot, and I hope you'll start learning helpful new things now.
Hi Edie, when you were first diagnosed, what did you actually do? Did you find a specific action plan started to "kick in", or did the diagnosis put your mind at rest to the point where stuff started clearing up? What kind of therapy or support have you had?
EDIT: @Paul H - I could barely process all the information those links provided. Most of the social issues seemed very familiar - it's like someone ripped it all out of my head. My therapist has been spot-on so far, she mentioned a lot of the stuff that's on the aspergers website and including all the facts that are not common knowledge. It is quite strange to see my behaviour laid out in hyper-text; the closest we can come to an out of body experience with today's technology?
I didn't have a specific action plan. I found my diagnostic report highlighted difficulties I was not aware of, mainly about the way I come across to others. It actually made me sad for a while, that I come across badly to others. But eventually I was able to look at it calmly and work out ways to change the way I come across, especially when I meet a person for the first time, or, say, when I arrive at work I say hello to my boss now rather than ignoring him and just starting with my work. This makes other people think I want to be friends, whereas before they thought I didn't want to be friends.
I also found that knowing for sure that I had AS helped me to forgive myself for some of my difficulties. Instead of feeling like I just wasn't trying hard enough, I knew I was trying really hard and some things were just harder for me. I didn't have many friends and I thought I must be a horrible, dislikeable person. I still don't have many friends, but now I realise I was a nice person all along, I was just not letting other people realise that too.
I haven't had any support especially for the AS, but about a year after the diagnosis I had CBT for depression with a therapist who knew quite a lot about AS and she gave me some helpful tips for social situations that helped a lot at the time - I just wish I could remember any of them still! I've had therapy before and since that was just useless, but that time was good because the therapist really understood my difficulties well.
Psychopoet,
Having a possible diagnosis of Autism causes me to obsess about autism, hence I hit the web and Kindle heavily!
Concerning the right to a diagnosis autism is the only disability to have its own Act of Parliament The Autism Act (2009)
"The Autism Act (2009) underlined the Government‟s commitment to achieving a vision for all with an Autism Spectrum Conditions:
'All adults with autism are able to live fulfilling and rewarding lives within a society that accepts and understands them. They can get a diagnosis and access support if they need it, and they can depend on mainstream public services to treat them fairly as individuals, helping them make the most of their talents’. "
I suggest you make a case to your GP for a psychiatric referral. There is guidance here http://www.autism.org.uk/about-autism/all-about-diagnosis/diagnosis-information-for-adults/how-do-i-get-a-diagnosis.aspx.
"To get a diagnosis you should first visit your GP and ask for a referral to a psychiatrist or clinical psychologist, preferably one with experience of diagnosing autism.
Make sure your diagnosis is the only thing you are seeing your GP about. If you try and mention it during a consultation about another subject, your GP may not address it fully.
Your GP needs a reason to refer you for diagnosis, so you may need to explain why you think you could have autism, and how a diagnosis would benefit you. If you think you might want a bit of help with this, ask someone you know to come with you."
one of us
Hi, I'm not really interested in pursuing this through my GP. Not only does GP in his case stand for Goggle-eyed Prat, I don't need a weatherman to tell me when it's raining ;)
I'm proceeding on the basis that if I am not clinically diagnosable as aspergers, I might as well be. Just knowing all of this has helped me so much. I am more confident, more likely to defend myself and less intimidated by the thought of anxiety or depression. I own myself now. I don't concede to the anxiety.
There is still a lot of work to do and I have specific problems with having a full-time job. On the other hand I now have a keenness to start moving on in life now that I know what has been holding me back. I want to clear my debt, get a house and in the long run find someone I can share my life with. Knowing WHY I find it hard to get into relationships leads naturally to the solution.
Recovery is, as they say, 10% inspiration and 90% perspiration.
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