Feel like there's no hope for me

[theharvestmouse]

I've hit a new low, as bad as I've ever been. Up to now I have been managing to keep going to work even though I've been anxious every day. But its just getting too much, I'm starting to think what is the point, I have nothing in my life because anxiety has ruined it all.

I'm self employed and today I've cancelled my jobs, I can't face it. Last night I went to my evening class and nearly had a complete meltdown in the class. Its got the point where I can't even do anything because of the anxiety.

I'm doing things that are suggested, yes I have accepted that I have anxiety, yes I am trying to go out, keep working, facing my fears, but when I keep having these feelings despite me carrying on.

I don't feel like I can live a normal life, I've struggled with this for so many years now, I am also becoming a worry for my parents and siblings. They are very supportive but I feel so sorry for putting them through this.

I'm taking Citalopram and I'm waiting for CBT, but the way I feel right now is that I can't see any hope for me. I'm going to phone IAPT this morning to see if I can speed up my CBT otherwise I am going to have to seek help elsewhere. I've been having suicidal thoughts again, because I am struggling to see a future for me without feeling so lost, and anxious.

Sorry for such a depressing post but I feel so lost.

[Annie0904]

I know it doesn't seem like it at the moment but you will get better. I was where you are 8 years ago and it lasted for some time, I thought there was no point in living. I had to wait a while for my cbt but it did help me and I have more good days than bad since. I went all last year without any signs of anxiety. It has just come back since June this year because I had an accident and fractured my foot. You could try the CBT4panic there is a link somewhere on this site I think. Sending you :hugs: and remember there IS light at the end of the tunnel!

[theharvestmouse]

Thanks Annie.

[loopylu86]

I get days when I feel like this and I have had to go on the sick and am currently in my fourth week off and also I am on Cit day 26! I had a good day yesterday. but after a very anxious night I feel like hell again. I have been here before and came out of it. Do you have any good days at all??

[theharvestmouse]

I do have good days, I get days where I can see a future for myself but I've just had a few bad days and last night has tipped me over the edge.

[Annie0904]

Try to stay positive (I Know easier said than done) but it WILL get better. If you have cancelled your work today try to give yourself some TLC :hugs:

[robinhall]

Hi HarvestMouse

As Annie was saying, CBT4PANIC would be a big help for you at the minute - especially since you want to try CBT anyway.

There is a 30 day free trial so you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Check out the link below or do a search for CBT4PANIC and you will see how th eprogramme is helping many people on this forum.

Best of luck
Robin

[BobbyDog]

I am so sorry you are having such a bad time at the moment the harvest mouse, putting a lot of effort in and getting little peace back.

I have missed you on home alone at the weekend's.

Have you had a look at the nopanic.org website, there is a £12 annual joining fee, you can contact them about having one to one CBT over the phone, or, join a telephone recovery group, I am awaiting my appointment to join the latter, there was no current waiting list when I contacted them about it last week.

I really hope you start to feel better soon.

[theharvestmouse]

Thanks for the replies, I have my CBT consultation next Friday. I went for a walk this afternoon, spoke to my sister. Basically told her that I have thought about suicide as I have been feeling that its the only way out of this. I cant take much more of this.

[Anxious_gal]

Do you get the suicidal thoughts because you feel trapped and have not much control ?
I've had that today :/
I dunno the older I get the more I fear never gettibg rid of the anxiety to enjoy life like everyone else. It's hard it feels sooo unfair!

[theharvestmouse]

Yes I get them because I feel like I will never have the life I want because anxiety is making everything so difficult. It makes me feel so low, I never used to be like this, I'm a shadow of the person I was before all this happened.

Hoping tomorrow is a better day.

[Laura123]

Ok first of all, hugs, is there a support group in your area, have you told your doctor about how severe your feelings are? Cbt is a good thing and you never know, it might just work for you, don't let it beat you, I know how hard it is living with it long term but there must be some good in your life, something to get better for, anxiety and panic halts our life, for a while, but it has a beggining, and therefor must have an end, cbt could be your end to anxiety. Keep going, talk to the right people, keep your family round you, ask for help. Xxxx

[fozzy is crying]

Do you get the suicidal thoughts because you feel trapped and have not much control ?
I've had that today :/
I dunno the older I get the more I fear never gettibg rid of the anxiety to enjoy life like everyone else. It's hard it feels sooo unfair!

I never used to in fact would never have. For months now I think about it all the time. As time goes on I think more and more about it and think it will be my only option because my problems are now spiralling out of control. My problems mean I can never have and enjoy a life and relationship ever again.

[Supersal1984]

Please please please hold on. There must be a way out.

I feel like this too! But we have to keep holding on. If we defeat it, then it will all be worth it xxxxx

[loopylu86]

It is these exact dark thoughts that anxiety loves to feed on...Push past the darkness...Think of anything positive. There is a way out but we need to help ourselves! You choose these thoughts..they don't choose you. You can dismiss them at any point!! You do this by choice.

[Supersal1984]

Can everyone tell me that they are ok. I am worried about you all xxxx

[fozzy is crying]

Can everyone tell me that they are ok. I am worried about you all xxxx

Nope.

[Supersal1984]

You are not going to do anything silly are you?

[theharvestmouse]

I'm ok, had a better day today.

[theharvestmouse]

Felt a bit better yesterday but today its come back, just feeling quite low about things. I have my CBT consultation on Friday. Hoping that once I start that I may be able to make some progress.

[PanchoGoz]

Keep that CBT in mind, make it your main goal, focus on it as much as possible. If you get a negetive thought, turn your mind to that hope. Count down the days on paper if you need to. I actually counted down to a doctors appointment a year or two back as I honestly could not see how I could survive that next week, I thought I couldn't go on, and I made a thread about it. Humans are so resiliant. Just doing something positive like that appointment will lift you and block out the shadows for a while at least. Hold on my friend. Thinking of you :hugs:

[theharvestmouse]

Thanks Pancho, I know its a blip and things can only get better from here.

Hope uni is going well and that you have managed to not block your sink up again!:)

[PanchoGoz]

I am now known as "vom number one".