panic12
28-09-12, 17:49
Firstly let me introduce myself, I am 18 year old male, and my anxiety is ruining my life, I apologize in advance for spelling mistakes, grammar mistakes and just general rambling.
It all started about 6 months back, one night when I was lying in bed I felt a little tight chested (I have asthma, I have had it since I was 9) so I googled it...wrong move I know, but after about 5 minutes of searching I was convinced I had heart disease and was dying from it. The next day and for the next month afterwards I felt like I couldn't take a deep breath in which convinced me there was something wrong. So as you can imagine I was 24/7 non stop panic mode. I then noticed that my hands were shaking and a little un co-ordinated so I googled it (yes I know...) and then convinced myself that the combination of the 2 was MS. So my anxiety and fears got worse and worse and some how or another I ended up thinking that what I actually had was parkinsons disease. Yes I know its completely stupid at my age but thats what it was, I got to the point where I had accepted that I was going to die young. Now heres what happened next, I started to notice floaters in my eyes, and I have a little black spot in the corner of my eye thats not a floater, just a tiny spec that follows my eyes and stays still when I stare forward, I can't quite focus on this little spot but its definatley there because I can see it when I move my eyes, so now i'm convined I have a brain tumor and that there is no other explanation for all my symptoms, I must have a tumor and i'm going to die young. Now every time that I find something about my body, for example eye and jaw ache, muscle twitching, blocked left nostril which has a very weak sense of smell compared to my right one, what I do is go to my good friend dr google and type in my symptoms followed by '......brain tumor' and find a website somewhere that links my problems and convinces me even more. I am pretty much at the point now where I can't enjoy life, I love my job i'm an apprentice joiner but all I can think about is these stupid symptoms, I feel that my teenage years are passing by so quickly, I have no bills or money worries (I get a wage for gods sake) all my friends are out having fun enjoying life and not worrying about anything. I have no appetite, can't enjoy the things I love and just want to cry, I have always gone to the gym in the past, I had six pack abs and was the fittest person out of all my friends, I just can't motivate myself anymore. Today I had a day off work and instead of doing what a normal person would do and spending my money, going out, watching films all day etc etc, I spent the day googling symptoms scaring myself shitless and getting to the point where I just feel like I can't go on like this anymore. I am going to to book my self at the doctors this next week to sort out my symptoms once and for all so I can finally get on with my life. I know i'm not alone but it feels like it, I just don't want to be me anymore, someone please cheer me up... please :'(
List of current symptoms:
tiredness
floaters and black spot in vision
nose blocked of left side constantly
keep needing to pee, I kinda worked out this is because im anxious all the time.
random muscle spasms in random parts of the body that last like 1-5 seconds
kinda light headed (I feel like this is in my head as its only really there when I think about it)
It all started about 6 months back, one night when I was lying in bed I felt a little tight chested (I have asthma, I have had it since I was 9) so I googled it...wrong move I know, but after about 5 minutes of searching I was convinced I had heart disease and was dying from it. The next day and for the next month afterwards I felt like I couldn't take a deep breath in which convinced me there was something wrong. So as you can imagine I was 24/7 non stop panic mode. I then noticed that my hands were shaking and a little un co-ordinated so I googled it (yes I know...) and then convinced myself that the combination of the 2 was MS. So my anxiety and fears got worse and worse and some how or another I ended up thinking that what I actually had was parkinsons disease. Yes I know its completely stupid at my age but thats what it was, I got to the point where I had accepted that I was going to die young. Now heres what happened next, I started to notice floaters in my eyes, and I have a little black spot in the corner of my eye thats not a floater, just a tiny spec that follows my eyes and stays still when I stare forward, I can't quite focus on this little spot but its definatley there because I can see it when I move my eyes, so now i'm convined I have a brain tumor and that there is no other explanation for all my symptoms, I must have a tumor and i'm going to die young. Now every time that I find something about my body, for example eye and jaw ache, muscle twitching, blocked left nostril which has a very weak sense of smell compared to my right one, what I do is go to my good friend dr google and type in my symptoms followed by '......brain tumor' and find a website somewhere that links my problems and convinces me even more. I am pretty much at the point now where I can't enjoy life, I love my job i'm an apprentice joiner but all I can think about is these stupid symptoms, I feel that my teenage years are passing by so quickly, I have no bills or money worries (I get a wage for gods sake) all my friends are out having fun enjoying life and not worrying about anything. I have no appetite, can't enjoy the things I love and just want to cry, I have always gone to the gym in the past, I had six pack abs and was the fittest person out of all my friends, I just can't motivate myself anymore. Today I had a day off work and instead of doing what a normal person would do and spending my money, going out, watching films all day etc etc, I spent the day googling symptoms scaring myself shitless and getting to the point where I just feel like I can't go on like this anymore. I am going to to book my self at the doctors this next week to sort out my symptoms once and for all so I can finally get on with my life. I know i'm not alone but it feels like it, I just don't want to be me anymore, someone please cheer me up... please :'(
List of current symptoms:
tiredness
floaters and black spot in vision
nose blocked of left side constantly
keep needing to pee, I kinda worked out this is because im anxious all the time.
random muscle spasms in random parts of the body that last like 1-5 seconds
kinda light headed (I feel like this is in my head as its only really there when I think about it)