Scared of sex

[Fay_elizabeth]

Hello everyone :)

I wasn't sure whether to post this here or in female personal issues but I think here is best.

Basically I am on 20mg citalopram for my anxiety, I have never really been depressed just terribly anxious. I've been taking meds for around 14 weeks.

I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and when we first met I was confident and happy and we had sex fairly often, although it was usually after a few drinks (I've always been quite self conscious) but in the last 2 years since my anxiety has got bad I am almost frightened to have sex with him, I get really nervous about it think of excuses. I'd rather he didn't see me naked and I always worry what he would think of me or if we wouldn't enjoy it.

Basically the idea of being intimate with him really worries me.

Its not because my libido is low because, actually i think it is higher since taking cit and I masturbate fairly regularly no problems.

I really don't know how to overcome this weird fear. Does anyone have any advice?

[PokerFace]

If you've been together 4 years it's safe to say he loves you and he's attracted to you! :)

When I first met my boyfriend I found it really hard too. I'd cover up all the time, be hidden underneath a giant blanket and refuse to look him in the eye and if I wasn't covered for some reason, I'd have my hand over my eyes believing the idea that if I couldn't see him, he couldn't see me lol. Slowly it got better and now I don't think that way at all or feel the need to cover up. Just start off small and take baby steps.

Talk to him about how you're feeling first, he could help reassure you and make you less nervous. Talking about it helps millions, it won't immediately fix your fears and insecurities but talking it through with him will help you start to overcome this.

Try not to worry yourself and think about it too much, just cuddle, kiss and relax, and if it happens, it happens! If you think too much about what he's going to think of you or if he's going to enjoy it, it will be soooo hard to just let go and enjoy yourself and you'll end up not getting anywhere.

Turn the lights out and just have the TV on so it's not harsh light if you're self conscious and maybe you'd be more comfortable with keeping your top on at first if you're finding it really hard. Or if your finding it REALLY hard, maybe the first few times you can have the lights off completely, just to get back into the swing of things! If you start to get nervous during and your brain won't switch off, just lean in for a kiss and really concentrate on it. That way he can't see you and you have another thing to stop you're mind from working overtime.

Try to steer clear of having a few drinks first, I used to do that when I was younger because I was so insecure and it never solved the issue for me. Every time I was sober I'd refuse sex because I felt like I needed to be drunk to do it but it's just not true! Me relying on drink to solve it is why me and my current boyfriend had so many problems at the start. My love life is A LOT better now I don't use alcohol to help me overcome the nerves.

Hope this helps a bit x

[Anxious_gal]

I've you tried talking to him ? Being honest?

Maybe your self conscious, you said it was always after a drink, maybe there's an element of feeling uncomfortable or vurnerable too!

What about starting slow? Have a few days of no sex/intercourse but do other fun sexual stuff? Might help take the pressure off and get you more comfortable with being intimate?

There's sex therapists too so that's an option.

Maybe you fear upsetting or letting him down which adds to the pressure and creates more anxiety.

[Fay_elizabeth]

Thanks for your replies guys, I really appreciate them.

I think part of the problem is that we are such good friends, we constantly laugh and joke around and play tricks on each other and consequentially find it hard to have serious chats or do anything serious (i.e 'making love) i think i associate sex with being rude and dirty and not a nice thing too. Plus I've never had an orgasm with another person so I feel under constant pressure to 'fake it.'

I would like to be able to talk to him but we're both too childish and immature.