grief ... not sure where to post this

[swgrl09]

Sorry, I am not sure where to post this as it really isn't about anxiety but was just looking for some support and know people here are so helpful.

As many know here, my mom passed away January 2011... it was rather sudden and quite unexpected.

I'm posting because I am still feeling the grief so much. Being on lexapro has helped a little so that I at least feel positive and don't dread getting out of bed every day. I do have good days. I just still miss her so much, and of course don't expect a medication to take that away. Grief is different. I went on lexapro for depression and anxiety separate from the grieving anyway.

I don't want to not miss her, if that makes sense, as I feel like I will lose part of her that way. I hate when I hear time heals all wounds because I feel like I'll never stop missing her. She was only 49 when she passed away. I feel robbed of time with her even though I know I am lucky that I got the time I did have, and lucky to have had an amazing mom. Not everybody can be as lucky as me. But I just still feel like part of me is gone forever.

Anybody feel like that? Will it ever lessen?

[fozzy is crying]

Sorry, I am not sure where to post this as it really isn't about anxiety but was just looking for some support and know people here are so helpful.

As many know here, my mom passed away January 2011... it was rather sudden and quite unexpected.

I'm posting because I am still feeling the grief so much. Being on lexapro has helped a little so that I at least feel positive and don't dread getting out of bed every day. I do have good days. I just still miss her so much, and of course don't expect a medication to take that away. Grief is different. I went on lexapro for depression and anxiety separate from the grieving anyway.

I don't want to not miss her, if that makes sense, as I feel like I will lose part of her that way. I hate when I hear time heals all wounds because I feel like I'll never stop missing her. She was only 49 when she passed away. I feel robbed of time with her even though I know I am lucky that I got the time I did have, and lucky to have had an amazing mom. Not everybody can be as lucky as me. But I just still feel like part of me is gone forever.

Anybody feel like that? Will it ever lessen?

I know hoe you must be feeling I lost my last living family member my mu in January 2009. I still think of her and my Dad who passed on 11 years before her. I try to think of them in a good way and hope and pray they ae happy for ever now together. I am fighting back the tears even saying that.

So here is some hugs and I will add you into my prayers.

:bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bighug1:

God bless you and keep you safe.


Gordon

[sunshine1]

Swgirl, so sorry about your mum. I lost my dad very unexpectedly nearly 3 years ago. To strt with it was a great shock and a few months he died,after my anxiety and depression started. I would say that for me time does not heal but it makes things different and less raw. I can say that I still really miss my dad and certain memories and events trigger that. What I can now do is pass an ambulance, go to the hospital he died in, drive the route the ambulance took without feeling the terror rising. I can also talk about him a bit with my friends now (just a bit), which I still feel hard. can also watch hospital dramas on tvnow!

so this is a bit rambly but to summarise, wouldn't say it is easier but a bit less painfully raw and just different. Good news is that I am getting on with my life. I think that's what my dad would have wanted. He would have been so upset that his death made me ill and had such an effect on me. So here's a hug from me to you.x:hugs:

[BobbyDog]

Oh, I am sorry, she was so young.
I lost my grandparents who brought me up a few years ago and I still miss them like mad. When I have a problem, I want to telephone my Nana, but she is not there.

All I can say is that when they passed away, I made a concise effort to celebrate the life of two wonderful people and that is what I do to this day. Think of all the beautiful things your Mum brought in to your life and how much she enriched it just by being there.

[Annie0904]

I have always had a problem dealing with the loss of family members and friends. Last week I saw a grief counsellor for the first time and she said I will have 12 sessions. It hopefully will help me to deal with it. For me I don't think I have ever really gone through the grieving process myself because I have tried to be the strong one supporting other family members. Maybe something like this would help you also?

[Lissa101]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I nearly lost my mum earlier this year and we're so close as she brought me up on her own. Everyone takes their own time coming to terms with this and you shouldn't feel pressured into suddenly being 'ok'. I remember sitting in a bar with my best friend a year after she lost her dad and she turned to me and said 'I'm never going to get over this.' Fast forward five years and she used her dad's inheritance to travel the world and changed her life for the better.

Your mum will always be with you, in your heart and in your memories.

[swgrl09]

Thank you so much everybody for your truly kind messages. I really am so grateful for you. :hugs:

I've been seeing a counselor who is helping me through the grief among other things ... just a hard time in my life, I'm getting married, my sister is having a baby, and it would have been her first grandchild. I feel like I can't fully enjoy it though. My anxiety and depression got a lot worse after her death ... esp health anxiety due to the way she passed ... and I'm working on that, I'm working on trauma, just feel like I have so much work to do that I can't possibly get through all of it.

Thank you everybody for your support. I love you all :hugs:

[Edie]

swgrl, I'm very sorry for your loss. It's still very early days for you, plus you have so many changes to deal with - although your marriage and your sister's baby are happy occasions, they also remind you of your loss. Grief robs you of your ability to enjoy the happy things. That's normal. It's hard, but it's natural to have those feelings.

Time does make things easier to live with, but you'll never stop missing your mum or lose her as a part of yourself. I think people sometimes see recovery from grief as a process with an end, where you suddenly wake up one morning and it's all OK again. It's not like that though. But it's not all bad. You do start to feel better, the pleasure starts to seep back into life again, and you feel less pain.

I lost my brother 15 months ago. It was also a sudden death way too young. I still miss him loads, but I'm also looking to the future now, and thinking of the happiness it can bring me even though he's not here to share it with. Yes, I've been through feeling exactly the way you describe in your opening post, I still feel that way sometimes, but the sadness is lessening now and will continue to do so.

Sounds like you're working really hard with your counsellor. There may be a lot to work on, but progress is progress, you are heading in the right direction!

[swgrl09]

I had a rough night last night ... I was looking through some old photos and my sister sent me a photo montage she made online of pictures of my mom. So I was watching it, and they were all happy memories and although bittersweet, it was enjoyable to remember the fun times.

Then the last picture pops up and my heart (figuratively) stopped. She had included a picture of my mom right before she died of cancer. She looked like a skeleton, jaundice made her all yellow, dark circles around her eyes, chemo port and IV, etc. I was so mad at my sister for not warning me that it was in there and I freaked out. It's like it took me right back to that time and I was still living in it. I was jittery all day after that, stressed, anxious, and then had nightmares relieving the pain she was in etc.

Can't believe a year and a half out, after therapy and everything, this brought me back to it like it was yesterday. Ugh. Now it's a new day and I am just trying to shake it off.

[blue moon]

Hello,I lost my parents and children in Iran over 20yrs ago and still feel the ache,as the years have passed by I still have days where I cry for them.I am grateful,my husband is doctor and he help me through the pain.
Petra xx:flowers::bighug1: