Unsupporting / Non Understanding Partners

[notsogooduk]

Does anybody else have a partner that doesn't really understand?

I am told I am selfish and everything is about me because I am worrying and stopping other people from being happy.

I really wish they would understand that I can't help it and don't want to worry . be unhappy but they just think it is something I can switch off / on.

[24track]

I can sympathise with you. I get told that I am a hypocondriac and bring it all on myself.

So now I don't even mention how bad I feel.. it's not worth the negativity (which of course then just makes everything worse!)

Sometimes my muscles will keep pulsing when in bed.. my stomach just seems to jump and I can't stop it. How can someone telling you to "stop it" possibly have any chance of just switching this reflex off??!!

Sometimes all I can do is cry, it gets that bad. Damn this curse that we are affected with..

[notsogooduk]

I know exactly what you mean. It is as if sometimes people think that I want to feel bad and unhappy and worry about everything rather than just be happy and normal.

I understand it can be a burden on my family and bring them down too sometimes but when they don't understand.

I also have an issue with pulling my hair out, their way to get me to stop is either by embarrassing me if they see me doing it around other people by shouting at me to stop or by pushing my hand away from my head.

Both just make it worse :(

[Edward_1980]

I had an argument with my partner a few weeks ago and he said that I am selfish and that I make everything about me. He also said that sometimes I enjoy being a victim which really upset me. I have forgiven him for it, but have found myself suffering in silence lately because It makes me feel ashamed to air how I am feeling after what he said.

[notsogooduk]

I had an argument with my partner a few weeks ago and he said that I am selfish and that I make everything about me. He also said that sometimes I enjoy being a victim which really upset me. I have forgiven him for it, but have found myself suffering in silence lately because It makes me feel ashamed to air how I am feeling after what he said.

I think I have pretty much heard those exact words before too about being selfish and everything about me.

I don't think they understand sometimes that as the main people in our lives if they were to understand and help it would really help us.

All being shouted at / called selfish does is make things harder because like you say I have to suffer on my own and keep things bottled up.

[Edward_1980]

I think I have pretty much heard those exact words before too about being selfish and everything about me.

I don't think they understand sometimes that as the main people in our lives if they were to understand and help it would really help us.

All being shouted at / called selfish does is make things harder because like you say I have to suffer on my own and keep things bottled up.

It actually hurts when those words are said to you. I also feel that my partner gets angry with me when I am having an attack. It's the tone of his voice. If I tell him I am having a panic attack he says "Why? in a tone that indicates that he is pissed off at me and thinking "Oh yeah, here we go again". I don't know if I am over analyzing here though because of the tone. I could be wrong, but this is a subject I am going to bring up because it has already caused a huge argument a few months back when he was at work and I ended up hanging up the phone on him in the middle of panic.

[fozzy is crying]

I fully empathise with you. Lack of understanding lost me everyone around me. They all walked away. How anyone can do that is beyond me as Mental Health problems now effects one in four and no one can avoid seeing it. One day it might be them. There needs to be a lot of public debate on this and a lot done to educate everyone sufferers and non-sufferers alike as the cost to society everyone is paying for is going out of control.

Gordon

[Annie0904]

This all makes me so appreciative of my husband, he is so patient and understanding with me and I feel I must be such a burden to him sometimes. I don't know what I would do with out his support. I have been married previously though and my ex husband was emotionally abusive to me. It wasn't until I got in a happy, stable relationship that my anxieties started...like I was suddenly in a safe place and all the anxieties from the past came out.

[Edward_1980]

I can't say that my partner is supportive all the time. It's just sometimes when he has his own worries like stress at work. I just can't get what he said to me during the fight out of my head.

[Lindy]

So sorry to hear this. It must be immensely difficult for your relationship. Do you think it would be worth trying to educate your partner about anxiety and symptoms?? MAybe link them to a a few articles, or buy them a book? Something I always say to try and tell people how it feels to me is asking if they can recall the sensation of 'a moment of dread' perhaps when you can't place your wallet or have forgotten something really important - then multiply that by ten and be locked in that experience for anything from half an hour to several days!

I had a friend who suffered terribly with anxiety - linked to public transport, flying, taxis, trains etc. It really impacted his social life at a time when your social life is supposed to peak. His best mate just didn't get it, often scoffed at him and joked......several years later, said friend ended up suffering with anxiety. He apparently gave him an epic apology!!!

[loopylu86]

There is nothing worse for anxiety than feeling like a complete burden to others. I currently am single so am in ways glad that I haven't got to justify my behaviour to anyone else. My mum and sisters are very supportive but due to being off work and being the sole bill payer in my home now I do get a little worried about how I will manage. I had a previous partner who was supportive at first but I knew he didn't get why I couldn't drink alcohol and just be "normal"

[notsogooduk]

There is nothing worse for anxiety than feeling like a complete burden to others. I currently am single so am in ways glad that I haven't got to justify my behaviour to anyone else. My mum and sisters are very supportive but due to being off work and being the sole bill payer in my home now I do get a little worried about how I will manage. I had a previous partner who was supportive at first but I knew he didn't get why I couldn't drink alcohol and just be "normal"

Exactly.

I think if I was single it would be so much easier but obviously being married with a family then it just isn't like that as I need to worry about them and how I will support them.

Sometimes people tend to think there is a switch you can turn on and off whenever you like to be able to stop feeling like it.

[Edward_1980]

Exactly.

I think if I was single it would be so much easier but obviously being married with a family then it just isn't like that as I need to worry about them and how I will support them.

Sometimes people tend to think there is a switch you can turn on and off whenever you like to be able to stop feeling like it.

I don't wish that I was single because I really love my partner. I just really wish sometimes that I didn't have to put him through my episodes.

[notsogooduk]

I didn't mean it to sound that I don't want them but like you say you wouldn't have to put then through it.

I think the pressure of other people being reliable on you makes the worry ten times worse as you don't want to let them down.

[sazz_1984]

I fully understand this!

I recently left my partner as he was horrible about the whole thing. He said all I do is moan and am negative about everything. If it was only that easy to just flick a switch and i'm all happy and bubbly!

The icing on the cake is when he said I was 'allergic' to work after I had complained of headaches a few mornings before I went to work. I often work 80 hours without a day off and work until 10pm to then be back in work at 8am. I was quite frankly insulted by this as the reason I was working so much is to afford days out over the holidays for 'HIS' kids as his ex got him into debt and he couldnt afford to treat his kids himself.

[loopylu86]

I fully understand this!

I recently left my partner as he was horrible about the whole thing. He said all I do is moan and am negative about everything. If it was only that easy to just flick a switch and i'm all happy and bubbly!

The icing on the cake is when he said I was 'allergic' to work after I had complained of headaches a few mornings before I went to work. I often work 80 hours without a day off and work until 10pm to then be back in work at 8am. I was quite frankly insulted by this as the reason I was working so much is to afford days out over the holidays for 'HIS' kids as his ex got him into debt and he couldnt afford to treat his kids himself.


Sounds like you are well shot of him! I don't have children but my ex did and like you..I worked full-time while he claimed his dole. He didn't work cos he didn't wantr his money going to his ex. So guess who paid for the treats when the kids came to stay...yep that's right!!

[sazz_1984]

Yeah, I just didn't think it was fair for the poor kids to suffer. He worked hard, but with giving maintenance to his ex and paying off their debt it didn't leave him with much to spare. I believe childhood should be your happiest time. I felt so sorry when he couldn't afford to take them out at the weekends, so I would pay for them to go to theme parks, waterparks and the zoo. I feel sorry for the kids that I have left him, but he just didn't want to understand my illness and would make me so unhappy.

[Edward_1980]

I didn't mean it to sound that I don't want them but like you say you wouldn't have to put then through it.

I think the pressure of other people being reliable on you makes the worry ten times worse as you don't want to let them down.

I understand exactly what you are saying. I had a bad day today and I didn't tell him what was going on. He drove me to the Doctor because I just said I needed to see him. I wouldn't tell him anything because he once accused me of being "Dramatic" when I was running around the house clutching at my throat thinking my heart was stopping.