Severe phobia of vomiting

[Matt S]

Hi, im new to the site. My name is Matt and im 27 yrs of age. Il try and give a little back story to myself. Since i was a little kid ive suffered with anxiety. I dont really know whats caused it although my own mum and grandad are quite anxious people although not at the same degree i am. Anyway when i was about 5 or 6, literally around the time i started school i developed a phobia of germs and it turned into an obsessive hand washing routine whereby I used to end up actually washing my hands until they were red raw. Eventually that seemed to subside somewhat although ive been dealing with OCD ever since really. Started seeing a psychiatrist when i was eight years old due to these problems. Anyway somewhere along the line i developed a phobia of vomiting which was severe and for a very long time as a kid i didnt used to eat hot meals, i only used to eat sandwiches and things like that which according the doctor wasnt a major issue aslong as i was getting enough nutrients i needed. I have no idea why i developed a phobia of eating hot food though, within my irrational brain i guess i thought if i ate hot food i was more likely to be sick for some reason or it would be worse! I know it makes no sense lol and reading this as im writing it im thinking to myself thats stupid! Anyway as i got older i pretty much grew out of the fear of hot food and i ate whatever i wanted to really which was a good thing obviously. Ive always had anxiety though to some degree, its never completely disappeared and it manifests itself in different guises. Anyway these problems so to speak have had quite a bad effect on my self esteem and when i was in my teens i got bullied to quite a bad degree. Not really severely or physically but verbal insults which knocked my self esteem even more. When i was 17 I started getting depressed through this and my anxiety seemed to get greater generally and i would find myself having panic attacks even when i was just leaving the house. In the end i became full blown agraphobic as being inside the house was the only place i felt safe and not so anxious. Although saying that ive still had times where the anxiety got so bad id have severe panic attacks and ended up in my local A & E with my heart feeling like it was going to burst through my chest. Anyway about a year or so ago i decided that i couldnt let this control my life and i didnt want to feel like id missed out on life so i started college and done a years access course. I passed early this year and now have an equivalent of an A level or two. So moving on from that I decided to go to university and just last week actually i started uni. Moved out of my parents for the first time at 27 yrs of age and have been living in a house with two other guys in uni accomadation. They're both around my age so that's been good. Anyway ive realised that i was finding it harder than i thought. I always know when my anxiety levels are high because my appetite seems to disappear and i start to eat less than usual which had started happening. Anyway ive had to come back to my parents with the hope that i can return after a little time off and getting myself back together because it usually subsides after a week or two. So my vomiting phobia has come back with a vengeance at the moment and just eating is a lot of hard work and the anticipatory anxiety i get before eating and the negative thoughts that enter my head in relation to vomiting are horrible! Anyway i just wondered if anyone had any advice really? Ps apologies for this looking like an essay rather than a forum post and also seeming like a sob story! Not my intention, just wanted to give some back story to myself basically. Thanks for reading. Matt.

[Angelai]

Hi Matt, so sad to hear you're emetophobic too. I have suffered this for as long as I can remember, I'm 39 now. Just picking up on your anxiety problems - I have finally realised that the phobia is so much worse when my general anxiety is bad. I'm wondering if the phobia is another 'symtom', rather than the cause of my other issues.

For me, essentially, I guess it's about self-control. The lower I get, the more I fight to get control of myself and my surroundings. Being s*** is the worst thing that can happen, to me or anyone else. In my phobic mind, it's disgusting and shameful - it just CAN'T come out.

I want to say WELL DONE YOU for getting this far with the study, that takes a lot of courage and determination when you have health problems. Don't beat yourself up for needing to step off for a bit. It seems like you know this already, but... reduce the anxiety and stress, the phobia will become more manageable. You can always pick up your studies when you are feeling better if you are unable to return this semester. You have taken such a big step in leaving home and going to a completely new place full of people you don't know (with a huge potential for lots of partying and alcohol and you-know-what) - look at the positives in how far you have come. Believe that this is just a blip, you will be able to get on top of it again.

One thing - not eating will make you feel more n****a, which will cause more panic and anxiety, which also cause n****a. Please try not to get stuck in that cycle.

[Shadow_of_me]

Hi Matt,

Sorry to hear your having a bad time at the mo, I to have emetphobia and have been suffering with it most of my life.. it has caused me to give up jobs, friends pretty much everything! I am doing an access course at college atm with the hope of going to uni nexy year however i dont think im going to be able to move away from home to do it due to the phobia! your doing very well already so you can beat it!!

Lucy x

[skylace22]

Its great that you have completed college and have started uni - could the stress from uni be contributing to your emetophobia? From what you have said in your post you have a fairly long history of anxiety which isn't going to just disappear one day (would be great if it did)

Have you, or are you receiving any counselling/therapy or CBT to help cope with your symptoms. I can relate to the phobia of being sick as I had quite bad emetophobia from around the age of 16-19. If someone came anywhere near me and felt sick I would RUN. One evening my Mum was being sick and my younger sister and I literally walked the streets because we were terrified of catching a sick bug.

Although I don't suffer with emetophobia anymore (I developed bulimia 10 years ago - not a great idea for conquering a phobia), I do STILL worry about becoming ill and vomiting - for me I know it is about the control - when you make yourself sick you are in control, when you have a bug you aren't. Dont know if I am making sense here?

I used to get myself so worked up about my fear that one evening years ago I was in the back garden wretching, convinced that I was going to be sick.
However I have not had a sick bug since Oct 1996 - My sister was working in a primary school and caught a bug from one of the children and I went to try and clean up her sick - therefore inhaling the smell (sorry, gross).

I take a lot of vit c to help my immune system which I think helps - I spent SO much time worrying about being sick and avoiding people - it was a complete nightmare. to some extent I do still worry and wont go near my niece if she is feeling unwell. Although I didnt get professional help for this I guess I was lucky because I did get over the worst of it.

I really hope that things improve for you - anxiety and phobias are horrible things to deal with and when I had my fear of being sick I never realised that it was a phobia - back in 1996 the internet wasn't readily available! You are not alone in your fear but I believe you need some help to deal with the symptoms, the anxiety and the panic.

wishing you all the best

[flossie]

I have emetaphobia too and have become agoraphobic because of it. It is surprisingly common, in fact the 6th most common phobia.
Make an appointment with your GP and talk it through with him. A course of CBT may be helpful for you. Help is also available from the charity NoPanic.
Good luck

[ajones473@yahoo.com]

I can relate to all that, I wasn`t born emetophobic, but Iv`e always dreaded vomiting. I would get sick about once a year when I was a kid, & it seemed to happen for no reason & that`s the most frightening thing. I used to think that god was punishing me for something. I used to binge drink when I was younger, & sometimes I`d get sick, but it didn`t seem so bad then. I haven`t vomited for almost 16 years now, & I`m hoping that I have enough control over my body to ensure that I never do it again for as long as I live.