emily-beth
05-08-06, 15:28
Hey, my name is emily beth, i'm 21.
I had my first panic attack when i was 17 and since then i've felt as though something inside me makes all the decishions in my life. iv'e only had a few attacks, thats not what bothers me, i can live with panic attaks, i suffer from all the syptoms. The worst thing for me is the constant light headedness dizzyness depersonlization and fatugie. I got rid of my panic when i was 19, it was fantastic i even traveled europe and worked in barcelona without a single doubt.
But then one night a month ago i started thinking i was dieing, my heart was going mad, then my breathing went. you see it had been so long since i'd felt panic that i'd forgoten what it felt like. after about another mounth of tests my doctor came to one awnser "your panic has come back"
I can't tell you how much i cryed, you will all understand when i say if you have this disorder your life just has to come to a stop and you just have to try and recover, i know its possible because ive done it before.
They put me on citalapram again, witch im not happy about because i worked hard to come of that drug and made a point of getting over it with nothing but will power.
Sometimes i acept this sometimes i despair.
Sometimes i get angry about it, because its not fair but its also no ones fault. Where do i direct this anger?
I have very good friends as much as thier there for me they can't undrstand, iv'e always said this is a very lonley disorder and the only way i can explain it to them is to say; i would honestly rather lose a limb.
Before this all started i was a singer, at times i just feel as tho i'm a former shadow of myself.
When i was 17 i let it take over me step by step, giving up on certain aspects of my life bit by bit untill i was to afraid to step out the fornt door, it was easyer to let it take me under than strugle up for air.
I can't let that happen again, i'll get over this for the second time carry on with my studies and reach my goal. we can do it.x
I had my first panic attack when i was 17 and since then i've felt as though something inside me makes all the decishions in my life. iv'e only had a few attacks, thats not what bothers me, i can live with panic attaks, i suffer from all the syptoms. The worst thing for me is the constant light headedness dizzyness depersonlization and fatugie. I got rid of my panic when i was 19, it was fantastic i even traveled europe and worked in barcelona without a single doubt.
But then one night a month ago i started thinking i was dieing, my heart was going mad, then my breathing went. you see it had been so long since i'd felt panic that i'd forgoten what it felt like. after about another mounth of tests my doctor came to one awnser "your panic has come back"
I can't tell you how much i cryed, you will all understand when i say if you have this disorder your life just has to come to a stop and you just have to try and recover, i know its possible because ive done it before.
They put me on citalapram again, witch im not happy about because i worked hard to come of that drug and made a point of getting over it with nothing but will power.
Sometimes i acept this sometimes i despair.
Sometimes i get angry about it, because its not fair but its also no ones fault. Where do i direct this anger?
I have very good friends as much as thier there for me they can't undrstand, iv'e always said this is a very lonley disorder and the only way i can explain it to them is to say; i would honestly rather lose a limb.
Before this all started i was a singer, at times i just feel as tho i'm a former shadow of myself.
When i was 17 i let it take over me step by step, giving up on certain aspects of my life bit by bit untill i was to afraid to step out the fornt door, it was easyer to let it take me under than strugle up for air.
I can't let that happen again, i'll get over this for the second time carry on with my studies and reach my goal. we can do it.x