Angry At Myself For Failing At Cinema.

[Edward_1980]

So today, after nearly a year, I decided that I would pluck up the courage to go to the cinema in the shopping center with my partner for his birthday. I held back taking my morning Lyrica until the moment we left the house as I was sure I would need it to help me through the event. After being Agoraphobic for the best part of a year, this is the one place I dread because of the very crowded atmosphere. I found myself feeling very anxious and paranoid from the moment I went in there and I kept looking around me and waiting for something to happen. Once we were in the actual cinema it was OK again for a while because there was only a few people in there waiting to see the film. The more crowded it became the more anxious and paranoid I got. I couldn't even enjoy the movie because I was so on edge and boarding on a full blown panic attack and paranoia episode. I didn't tell my partner what was going on because it is his special day and I didn't want to upset him in anyway. I just sat the whole way through the movie like a rabbit in headlights and feeling miserable. Quite angry at myself right now and just want to get over this and enjoy the rest of my partner's day with him. I just don't want to go back into the mind frame of being terrified to go out again. I have been down that road before and I really don't want to relapse after all the progress I made these past few months.

[Elle-Kay]

You should be proud of yourself, not cross Edward. No matter how hard you found it, you coped, and stayed for the duration of the film, which is a massive achievement! I know from personal experience that trips to the cinema can be very difficult, so I applaud you, even if you don't feel able to applaud yourself - well done :)

[Annie0904]

I agree with Elle-Kay...you did really well, you stayed there, you didn't run out! I think you deserve to give yourself a pat on the back. :)

[Stormsky]

Agreed, you stayed , well done...x

[Edward_1980]

Thanks guys, but I'm not in the frame of mind to give myself a pat on the back. The only reason I stayed was because I felt paralyzed with fear and couldn't move. When the movie ended I go up and was walking down the few steps to the exit and my balance went. I felt drunk and thought I would fall down. I really thought I was over the Social Anxiety and the fear of being judged by others for my behavior in public. I am not going to tell my partner how I feel at all because of the day that is in it. Going to play a few games now to distract myself and forget what happened today.