Can't stop thinking about death and the purpose of life

[sazz_1984]

Hi,

I am really after some advise if anyone can help as I can't seem to stop thinking about death all of the time and questioning why we are here and what is the purpose of life if we just die one day. It is really getting me down and taking over my life. I no longer enjoy doing things that I used to and I struggle to interact with people and find myself just snapping and getting angry at the smallest thing. I try my hardest to just push the thoughts away but they are always there, even in my sleep.

It does not help that I work a very stressful job, often working 10 days straight before I get a day off. My mind is constantly racing and I am mentally and phsyically exhausted all of the time. I am distancing myself more and more from my friends and recently split up from my partner partially due to my being tired and snappy all of the time.

Would you class this as depression? I am reluctant to get help if it is as I know how judgemental people can be, especially my family! I just feel that my life is spiralling more and more out of control and I'm scared of what the consequences may be.

[Pacific]

Hey, i think about this alot too. It effects my life aswell becausei spend far too much time thinking about it. It's just over-thinking wich is what alot of people with anxiety do. I don't know what advice to give you other than try to distract yourself and do things that take your mind off it.

It's a hard thing to deal with, i know, because there don't seem to be real answers, so you keep going over it trying to figure everything out wich is useless and doesn't really get you anywere. Try to have faith that you do have a purpose. Good luck.

[annie.hall]

I think about those things all the time. Sometimes I just feel it's useless to try and have "successful" life. Why bother doing this or that when it'll end sooner or later. When I'm in this mood, nothing makes sense. I'm far from suicidal though, death terrifies me. But it's as if life is a lame game and you can't win.

[Annie0904]

I think different people have different beliefs on this one. I like to think that there is an afterlife and that we will see our loved ones again after we die but I don't know if my beliefs are right or not.

[sazz_1984]

Thank you for the advice everyone. It is nice to know that I am not the only one who thinks like this.

I do try to have faith. I did once believe in an afterlife, however over the years it just seems to feel more unrealistic, but then again this whole word is a strange phenomenon so who knows I guess.

[loopylu86]

I definitely believe in the afterlife. I had a scary moment today where for the first time I had a thought like this..Like "Why are we here just waiting around to die...Killing time..Even regular functioning people..wake,work,home,bed. I snapped out of it soon after. Logically I know there are many amazing reasons. Love being the main. Things like when my darling little niece was born,beautiful sights and music and things like falling in love seem to be good enough a reason for me. When anxiety reduces..So do these awful thoughts. It's all emotion based. There are times when we have all felt ELATED and want to BURST with happiness. These times are still waiting to happen again...for all of us. I just think at this stage in my life I have had less things to really be happy about. The one person I ever fell in love with...I fell out of love with..and I have lost two great people and seen so many young people my own age pass away. I know in my heart though that the balance is going to tip back the other way. I can't wait to see my child's face one day!! :mad:

Can any mum's or dad's in the house explain how it feels to see your child for the first time? I know this is an odd place to take the convo but I love these little things..

[Annie0904]

I had 2 miscarriages (2 boys) before I had my daughter and it was the most wonderful feeling, I have never felt so happy as that moment when I held her for the first time. I have 2 lovely sons now as well but lost a baby girl 2 years after my youngest son was born..One thing that makes me believe there is an after life is that not long after I lost my baby girl, I was at a friends babies Christening and I was very upset because her baby was the same age as mine would have been. My 2 year old said "That baby is dead isn't it mammy" I said no it is just getting Christened. Then he said "No not that one" and he pointed to an empty pew in church and said "that one, our baby that died, she is sitting with Jesus there" I really hope I can see my babies again in the afterlife

[loopylu86]

I had 2 miscarriages (2 boys) before I had my daughter and it was the most wonderful feeling, I have never felt so happy as that moment when I held her for the first time. I have 2 lovely sons now as well but lost a baby girl 2 years after my youngest son was born..One thing that makes me believe there is an after life is that not long after I lost my baby girl, I was at a friends babies Christening and I was very upset because her baby was the same age as mine would have been. My 2 year old said "That baby is dead isn't it mammy" I said no it is just getting Christened. Then he said "No not that one" and he pointed to an empty pew in church and said "that one, our baby that died, she is sitting with Jesus there" I really hope I can see my babies again in the afterlife

Aww Annie that was beautiful. You have experienced such great loss. Of course you will see them..I went to see a clairvoyant with my sister..We are by no means gullible and this lady had no gimmicks..She just got straight to it..We had devised loads of questions...She suggested on the phone before we arrived to write down and ask anything at all. We revealed nothing about ourselves. Not even our last name...Well....The things that this lady revealed were mind blowing. Not just things that could be said and have double meanings..Like cold hard facts...She told us names...dates..people we knew..memories we knew via dad...Things that were so incredibly personal that no one could ever possibly know. I would never believe this kind of thing if I read it but honestly Annie. It was unbelievable. She knew pet names he called us. Things like that. Mind blowing. I have no-doubt whatsoever that I will see my loved ones again. Your babies will be waiting Annie... I can ASSURE you of that xxx

[Annie0904]

Thanks Lu...I really hope so too. I just believe that they were just too perfect for the world and didn't need to be challenged and tested like the rest of us x

[fozzy is crying]

Ann,

Those we love who have passed on are around us always. It is within us all to hear them. We do not need a clairvoyant to stand between us we need a guide to show us how we to do it ourselves.

I was sceptical until a few years ago someone guided me.

Children are those who find it easiest to connect. Hence your son did see his sibling. Adults tend to in the main only hear or feel their lost ones.

Gordon

[Paul H]

Hi there

Irwin Yalom writes that an excessive fear of death (excessive in that it interferes with life) is a symptom of the fear that we are not living life well.

Existential philosophy holds that there is no meaning to life. The universe is absurd. We, therefore, have to construct our own meaning. I wonder what yours might be.

We all have something to live for, something to which we can direct and devote our energies. You will have something. Decide what that is and aim your energies in that direction.

We are all sailing to the same unknown destination over the horizon. Some ships arrive sooner than others but we all arrive in the end. It's strangely comforting to realise that we all fear death and that we all will have to face it. You are not alone and you are not unusual. Don't, however, live in death's shadow. Death should be in the shadow of life. We know it's there but we can leave it behind us until the end.

Try to focus more on the here and now. Enjoy the things you can enjoy as much as is possible. Savour each mouthful of food. Bask in every ray of sunlight. Enjoy the feeling of warm bathwater against your skin. Do your best (you can train yourself to do this if you're patient) to appreciate the fullness of every positive experience and milk your senses for every pleasure they can bring. Go into the garden and watch insects. Become as interested in the world around you as is possible. Get out of your thoughts and experience things. This sounds trite, I know, but training yourself to take the time to enjoy every sensation to its fullest really is worth the effort. It's astonishing how beautiful the world can be if we take the time to get out of our own heads and take notice.

Paul x

[Sparkle1984]

Sazz_1984, I can relate to your feelings. I had the same thing a couple of months ago where I developed a negative obsession about getting old and dying. I worried both about my relatives/friends getting older and dying, and also myself getting older and dying (which seems irrational as I'm only 28, so I've probably got a long way to go as yet!)

I felt anxious all the time, couldn't sleep properly, kept having panic attacks and fast heartbeat and lost my appetite. The negative thoughts were very intrusive. Eventually it got so bad that I dreaded waking up in the morning (I always felt worst in the mornings) and would wake up crying. I felt miserable and anxious all the time and the only respite I got was when I was asleep (when I was even able to sleep!) It was at that point that I went to the doctor to get help.

I feel a lot better than I did, but I think the scariest thing about dying is not knowing for sure what happens after death (eg whether there's an afterlife etc). Deep down I do believe in an afterlife, but sometimes I do get doubts and that's where the difficulty lies.

In the last couple of months, I've slowed down and I take more time to enjoy life. I don't push myself so hard and stress myself out. I now realise there is no point in trying to be perfect at everything. I make sure I have time to have fun instead of working and studying constantly. I'm also doing a CBT Stress Control course which is teaching me techniques to control my thoughts and assess them more rationally.

[sazz_1984]

Thanks Paul H. What you said is quite insightful. I just need to learn how to enjoy life again. It is like all joy is gone and i'm just trying to question everything all the time.

How did the doctors help you Sparkle1984? I'm quite scared to go and confess all this to them. My family are very judgemental, so wouldnt really want them knowing. As I am back living with them for a bit I know they would find out.

[Sparkle1984]

Hi Sazz, the doctor helped me by prescribing me citalopram tablets and referring me for CBT Stress Control classes. She also gave me a blood test (thyroid test) but thankfully that came back saying nothing was wrong with my thyroid. I was also signed off work for a week to give me some time to recover.

If you don't want your family to know, that's fine, but I told my family even though I felt embarrassed, and they were actually very understanding. They now support me through this.

[sazz_1984]

My family would end up knowing as I live with them now. I am looking to buy a house on my own after christmas but just worry that it will make me worse being alone all of the time. I know none of my friends will visit me as they are all settled down now and don't make time for their friends.

I am also really scared about taking anti depressants as the side effects worry me.

[sarahxxx]

i think there is an afterlife because my son died 18 months ago in his sleep my heart was shattered but then i started to get signs from him i also go to a spiritulist church where no one knows me and when the medium came to us they told me so much about my son they could not know they also gave me the exact date my dad died if there is no afterlife then there is definetly something i still miss my son so much and always will but do believe i will see him again x

[blue October]

Eric Berne wrote a book called the 'games people play'

In his last chapter he suggests your killing time till you die.

Lots of options are available?

[StarryBlueGal]

Same here!!! I am constantly thinking about why we are here, what is our purpose on this planet. I saw some conspiracy theory videos that are saying that this world, the moon, sun are not real. That made me have a really bad panic attack and now I can't stop looking out of the window to see anything strange. I now have stiff neck and had a mirgaine as well. I was OK before I saw the videos - now I feel that my life is not real, and I feel that I have nothing in my life at the moment but I do live with my family.

Hope this makes sense to you?

StarryBlueGal xx

[Thumbelina]

Hi Sazz,
I also had and have this symptom from time to time.
Paul is spot on this - there is nothing helping better when this overthingking comes as breaking this endless perspective into short perspectives, associated with the nearest moments. If you have kids - then basic tasks and activities with the kids. If not then some very trivial activities that just have to be done - even if you have to force yourself to do them. When you do the things around you and you will accomplish some results, you will slowly start changing the focus from far away to now. Even if you have some stress in your life and it is not as perfect as you would like it to be you will start seing sense.
Hope this helps.

---------- Post added at 07:57 ---------- Previous post was at 07:48 ----------


i think there is an afterlife because my son died 18 months ago in his sleep my heart was shattered but then i started to get signs from him i also go to a spiritulist church where no one knows me and when the medium came to us they told me so much about my son they could not know they also gave me the exact date my dad died if there is no afterlife then there is definetly something i still miss my son so much and always will but do believe i will see him again x

Hi Sarah,
Hope you have all the strength you need adter loosing your close ones. How old was your son?