paranoidtree
04-10-12, 10:58
So this morning it hit me that it is because of how much i hate feeling the way i do, so afraid of everything, that i can't shake it. i place so much emphasis and energy on how i'm always going to feel this way that it leaves little space for anything else. that plus the deep seated belief that if i get better/feel free/have some fun that something bad will happen seems to keep me stuck in this never-ending loop.
And it is so tiring. over the past few days i've been trying to take steps to do things to help myself. i saw a nutritionist (who has given lots of good advice), me and husband have redefined our relationship and are now closer than we have been in ages (we stopped seeing each other as husband and wife and more like carer and person needing to be cared for), yesterday in the car i was even singing along to the radio and each time i've then felt instantly anxious.
i'm seeing my counsellor today and can't wait to start working on unlocking all the trauma inside so i can stop hurting so much and let go of my past. To let go of feeling anxious and scared so i can move on with my life. because i realised this morning that it is only when i stop believing my current way of thinking, stop placing so my energy on it that it will disappear - almost like i need to show the fear i'm not afraid of it anymore. just feels a hell of a lot easier said than done. :weep:
And it is so tiring. over the past few days i've been trying to take steps to do things to help myself. i saw a nutritionist (who has given lots of good advice), me and husband have redefined our relationship and are now closer than we have been in ages (we stopped seeing each other as husband and wife and more like carer and person needing to be cared for), yesterday in the car i was even singing along to the radio and each time i've then felt instantly anxious.
i'm seeing my counsellor today and can't wait to start working on unlocking all the trauma inside so i can stop hurting so much and let go of my past. To let go of feeling anxious and scared so i can move on with my life. because i realised this morning that it is only when i stop believing my current way of thinking, stop placing so my energy on it that it will disappear - almost like i need to show the fear i'm not afraid of it anymore. just feels a hell of a lot easier said than done. :weep: