understand the 'fear' cycle a little more

[paranoidtree]

So this morning it hit me that it is because of how much i hate feeling the way i do, so afraid of everything, that i can't shake it. i place so much emphasis and energy on how i'm always going to feel this way that it leaves little space for anything else. that plus the deep seated belief that if i get better/feel free/have some fun that something bad will happen seems to keep me stuck in this never-ending loop.

And it is so tiring. over the past few days i've been trying to take steps to do things to help myself. i saw a nutritionist (who has given lots of good advice), me and husband have redefined our relationship and are now closer than we have been in ages (we stopped seeing each other as husband and wife and more like carer and person needing to be cared for), yesterday in the car i was even singing along to the radio and each time i've then felt instantly anxious.

i'm seeing my counsellor today and can't wait to start working on unlocking all the trauma inside so i can stop hurting so much and let go of my past. To let go of feeling anxious and scared so i can move on with my life. because i realised this morning that it is only when i stop believing my current way of thinking, stop placing so my energy on it that it will disappear - almost like i need to show the fear i'm not afraid of it anymore. just feels a hell of a lot easier said than done. :weep:

[loopylu86]

I completely agree with this. It is the constant thinking about it that feeds it. I found days that I get distracted always lead to better days. It is so difficult but we can come out of this. The worst part is knowing that our own thoughts are the reason

[Annie0904]

So good to hear you are thinking more positively, I know I need to do this too and hopefully my counselling will help :)

[paranoidtree]

you're right lu, the worst part is knowing we do this to ourselves effectively. hard not to beat myself up over it.

Annie, i'm sure your counselling will help. thinking positively is so darn hard, it's more exhausting than the anxiety itself!

I'm sure you are right and we will all get through this

[Laura123]

Completely agree! I was out at work this morning and started to feel panic, I too am facing it and egging it on. Reminding myself that I am feeling fuzzy and shaky because I am not breathing right, and telling myself "laura your mind is doing this to you, you need to stop focusing on your body" it won't happen overnight but it will happen if we can keep training ourselves to think differently! I wish so much for every single one of us not to face the intense feeling that we do every single day. Xx

[Annie0904]

Paronoid tree..It is hard to be positive all the time, but you have made some good steps this week and they should be seen as positives (I wish I could make myself believe what I tell others lol)

[Elle-Kay]

You're absolutely right - prolonged anxiety/panic is caused by a fear of fear, in my experience too. I started off afraid to travel, but now I'm "just" afraid of the results of being afraid. This is a hard cycle to break, because you have to prove to your unwilling mind that in reality there is nothing to be afraid of / what you're feeling can't really hurt you. By knowing that though, you're on the right path, and so it's only time until the magic happens :)

[cos123]

Hi paranoidtree:

Just read your last post about showing the fear that your not afraid of it. How do you do that? I have finally starting sleeping (on my 7 day of cipralex also taking ativan at night, trying to half it because so scared of becoming dependent), but wake each morning and the anxiety starts. I haven't been working for the last 3 weeks. That pressure in my chest and not being able to breath deeply is killing me. Eating is really hard too.
I tried a meditation cd last night and it almost felt wrong to be focusing on the breath as my breath was so ragged it was scaring me more.

How do you accept that this is our reality, anxiety I mean. I don't even know what I'm afraid of. I guess I lied about that one, I'm afraid I will feel like this forever. I have to get back to work, I don't want to lose my job.

I'm in Canada, where are you?
:scared15:

[paranoidtree]

Cos - i've sent you a PM in response :)

Elle-Kay - i'm the same now, i used to be afraid of 'actual' things not i'm just afraid of being afraid.

Slowly we can all unpick this and get ourselves better - positive thinking :hugs: