What could this be?

[loopylu86]

So I just went downstairs to find dvd...I was bent digging through the cupboard and was very aware that I didn't feel right. I didn't get an adrenaline rush just felt more disconnected than I have ever felt. I made my way back upto my bed quickly and lead with my feet up against the wall incase it's going to turn into a faint. As I type this I have butterflies in my belly and my legs feel numb but haven't got a fast heart beat,sweating or adrenaline. Just feel tired,headachey,dry mouthed and quite breathless...This doesn't feel like a regular panic attack. What is this? I feel that doomy feeling again now. :mad:

[paranoidtree]

Hey hun, it sounds like a panic attack to me - they can come in all different forms unfortunately :(

take some slow deep breaths and just tell yourself that you are safe, repeat it again and again. You are going to be fine and we are all here for you too!

Hope you feel better :hugs:

[fozzy is crying]

How did you feel before you went upstairs?

[Stormsky]

Depersonalisation makes you feel like that.

[loopylu86]

Well it is milder than the usual ones I have but still I do feel awful. Thank you. It reassures me because for a second I thought I was going to die...in a gloomy way..not so much panicked. So strange how they can change. I can handle this alot better than my usual way.

THANK YOU!!!

---------- Post added at 20:21 ---------- Previous post was at 20:19 ----------

Very severe DP. Like I am steaming drunk...but not...but that level of control. Infact being drunk I am more in control than this feeling. I have numb legs now and butterflies/headache that feels like blood is building pressure...hard to explain. I feel like I am going to bleed from my eyes...bloody hell that sounds terrible.

[Annie0904]

You have had a REALLY busy day today so I think maybe you need to stay laid down now and rest. :hugs:

[loopylu86]

You have had a REALLY busy day today so I think maybe you need to stay laid down now and rest. :hugs:

Well I had my bath and have been in bed for a good few hours now. I am starting to calm down now but I just hate this feeling I always have. I don't even feel scared of anything. It's why the feeling scares me. I know that is a contradiction but I am not threatened by people or spiders or anything happening to me...So why am I feeling this way. These dark moments really make you feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Sorry to bring the gloom..I just came over very strange.

I think my thought on entering the living room was how strange that I felt this tired and it being only 8ish and I got up at 10 today. So I think that triggered it. I then thought maybe it's the infection and antibiotics but I just can't believe a few boild can make you feel this ill. It is just pure DP. SO Disorientated. Like when you come round from a faint.

[Annie0904]

You have had a really good positive day today so don't let these feelings tonight spoil it, you have done a lot today and I think you should think of those positives. I am sure you are feeling tired with the day out and the antibiotics. I really hope you feel better quickly...stay positive. :hugs::hugs:

[pennypanic]

It sounds like depersonalisation to me as well!I had a few of these while outside.You are not gonna faint it's just the scary part of "hello,knock knock?Do I have a connection with my brain?Are you listening to me or am I going mad?"I had a huge one after an attempt I had to drive before 2 1/2weeks,of course I managed to get home safe but I was so cruel afterwards to myself that let it come over me (that was before meds),I thought I was going crazy!!! After that anxiety kicked in badly again I hadn't slept for 3 nights afterwards,then I visited my doc and he prescribed me the meds.
But,in spite of all the panic attacks thingies you should consider the fact that when we lay down and get up quickly blood moves in our bodies,and the same thing happens when we bend or do exercise,so it might have been something like that,and your brain got it as a wrong message,cause now we tend to assume that any kind of physical pain is connected with thread,fear and panic attacks.Maybe you got kind of tired today,did you eat well?How is your blood sugar?Try eating some fruits.And when you bend or get up from somewhere try to do it slowly.If you were bent with your head downwards most of your blood moved towards your brain.Sorry for my messy English I try my best.

[loopylu86]

The English is perfectly fine. Thank you so much everyone. Quite strange because I never cry at all...but I can't stop now. I just feel very tired and emotional. I haven't really cried since nan so maybe it's a good thing. I also found a little note that my Dad wrote to my mum when I was a baby...It mentioned me and my dummy in it lol. I thought it was lovely so maybe that has set me off...I don't know. Just feeling very mentally tired with the constant mental battle. I did have a good day and it seems that what I have has shifted. I feel like I can go out now..but this DP is always present. Before it was less DP and more pure anxiety...and panic attacks. It's changing and I don't know whetrher this is a good sign?

[Annie0904]

I think it will do you good to have a good cry and let some of your emotions out. That was lovely finding that little note. have another spray of the rescue night (now that it is night!) and I hope you manage to get a good nights sleep :hugs::hugs:

[loopylu86]

Thanks Annie. I feel quite relieved knowing that it is 9pm and we are approaching a reasonable time to sleep. I also felt like today went really fast..That was due to not being able to sleep until 1am last night an dwaking at 10am today so felt like I had lost a few hours. That freaked me out abit!! xx

[pennypanic]

For me it's a good sign.I know how it feels "not to be you".I went to the mirror and looked at myself and said "Hi,it's me.I can see me and waved my hand or did my eyebrows or smth just to have a visual contact with me,although I looked like s**t" haha.I took a bath as well.Try to do things that connect your mind with your body,just to feel you are still in it. I had major Dp's when I pushed myself to do something when I had my huge panic attacks back in July,they did not come with panic attacks it was either panic attacks that lasted for at least 2-3 hours leaving me exchausted, or Dp with huge diarrhea and the fear of where is my mind.I was always great organiser,with a memory of an elephant and control freak of course.Before the panic attacks came I was feeling wick and tired for a long time.I thought I had some kind of depression,but looking back now,I definitely say it was depression that led to extreme anxiety and panic attacks. When I was driving I was feeling like I wasn't't "there" all the time and felt tired of driving.So for me depersonalisation is a way that my body shows me something.I prefer it from a panic attack cause mine where severe ones. As long as it doesn't't last for too much...I got the feeling of like being on drugs,or really drunk,trying to get myself over it but can't.

[loopylu86]

That is exactly what it feels like to me too. I described it as that to someone once and they were like "wow that's lucky..you won't have to pay for drinks now" I could of smacked them! Yes drinking is fun...when we go to sleep..we wake up as our usual self. They should try never having relief from that feeling and see how great they think it is then! This is why I won't drink right now (not a huge drinker anyway) Drinking is a fun escapism after a long week...but if you permanently felt that way...well...you wouldn't get much done! I think the combo of the dp and the impending doom is when I get bad.

[pennypanic]

In addition,when you feel like crying.DO IT honey!!!It's a great way of expressing our feelings.If you don't express that feeling it will come back in another form through your body.My psychologist and I have been trying to make me feel my emotions and express them,because she thinks I am blind towards them. I've always been the good willing and shy good chubby girl,that did everything for everyone. Imagine that I lived with my bf for 4 years and now he is leaving for England,and I can't even get mad at him for leaving me behind.I spent all my holidays with my parents crying myself out.Guess what?Not even a panic attack all August in spite of being s**t and not sleeping at all.So, panic attacks,depersonalisation always come to show us "You know what I 've had enough with you,either you help me or I am gonna knock us both down" :huh:
I know it's not easy at all,I don't even work now,but since I made myself through meds now I say to myself and my body "Look,I'm sorry for what I've put you through,I am providing you what you need now,but we have to try this out together,and you better not show me something bad because we are recovering now.But even if you show it,bring it on,anyways it won't be that bad with all the stuff I'm taking and then I laugh". Of course I am so afraid of doing things,since it's the beggining of my recovery,I know I might have setbacks but I want to be free again.

---------- Post added at 23:28 ---------- Previous post was at 23:23 ----------

Mmm it feels also like a "waking" dream.Like you are awake sleeping.

[loopylu86]

You make such sense. It is such a relief to discuss DP/DR and know that others knoe exactly what you are going through. I do feel alot calmer now and thinking about...It seems that it may just well of been a panic attack. Just a weird version of one. I definitely let things build stress wise in my life and my nan was ill...I knew it was coming and I knew she was going to pass away..I remember being at a stage thinking..."I am not ready to or healthy enough mentally to deal with this right now" I just knew it was going to tip me over the edge...I just had no idea it would bring me back here.

[pennypanic]

Yeap I can feel you as well.Last summer my grandmother died 40 days before my sister's wedding.2 weeks after the wedding we lost my aunt who was living with my grandma,always (she wasn't married,had a mild handicap on her left side but she was working normally for ever,never took handicap money help from the nation cause she did not want to be considered handicap) one month before she retired she died of lung cancer :/ After that I had a really stressful summer with massive work at the office and as a result I had tennis elbow on my right hand,leaving me incapable of working and having proper vacations during last August.On November I had my thyroid removed due to cancer and on January I was given radioactive iodine for medication,with which I had to stay in a room in a distance of 8 meters from others for a month!!!I returned back to work working like a dog as usual,the economic crisis,my unemployed bf,the need of vacations that I haven't had last year led to anxiety and anticipation for these summer vacations.Lol,I had my pa in July just before August leaving me exchausted.Well,2 days before August my bf announced me that he is leaving in October.As a result,I had a nervous breakdown,passed my holidays with my family and not bf.Another disaster summer.So,I ve reached to the point and think...When we really make plans,no matter how hard we try to do our best in order something to succeed,life has always other plans for us.So,I got anxious about my holidays that I wanted so badly to have with my bf,I wad so tired working,I torn myself out,and at the end did not do what I wanted in the first place.So,now I'm trying to be positive cause I might be anxious that I'll never get through this,and get stuck for ever in house,but in fact you know what?Tomorrow a plane might crush on my house.So,keep the faith.So,even if we tear ourselves out with anxiety still we won't succeed like that.
Sorry,for my long posts. :)