Ziggy455
04-10-12, 20:30
Hello,
I am a recently new member to this site and I think it's time I told you my story from scratch, so as to perhaps give you all a better insight to things.
Let's start off at the beginning. When I was younger, I suddenly began to suffer from severe migraines. These were debilitating, absolutely terrifying episodes of visual disturbances and I would end up suffering from auras, nausea, and absolute horrible headaches. These would kill me, they would terrify me and for days on end I would find myself becoming alert and worrisome over the onset of the migraines, (depersonalization, heart palpitations, a panic-like attack) and I dealt with these for many years. Almost until the age of 16/17 where they stopped. I suffered from one violent one when I was 19 and since then I have not had any. However I seem to suffer from visual disturbances. (Grainy vision, floaters, starbursts, poor vision in low light.)
Near my 20th birthday, my grandmother, who I loved dearly, was diagnosed with mixed cell carcinoma (Lung cancer) and also inoperable cancer of the brain. I cared for her until she died and was there for her 24/7. The cancer took her quickly and swiftly almost three weeks after diagnosis. She died in her sleep.
When the doctors told me she didn't have long, it shocked me, because it all happened so quickly. She was one of the most prominent people people in my life. I saw her almost every day, she was always there. Most of my happy memories are of her and being with her. Growing up with her in her house and living most of my life with her in it. When I found out she was dying, it was so quick, and once she died her house that she lived in was torn apart and ransacked. Not only was my nan taken, the kindest person I knew, but that place of her memories, of where she was most happy has been destroyed and is gone. The doctors told me she had a year, then six months, then three, then one. I slept next to her, I waited up all night to check on her, and I begged her to take pills the night she died. I'm glad I did because she deserved a peaceful death. But that morning when I woke up and heard she was gone, I couldn't believe it, and when I saw her laying there frozen, I didn't cry, I didn't do anything. I swallowed my feelings and tried to be strong for everyone else. I tried to be strong for everybody but didn't focus on myself and even after my nan died I felt guilty. (Before my nan died I didn't get to see her as much as I wanted to for many reasons - The last message I have of her on Facebook is 'I miss you.' and I can't bring myself to delete it. I haven't dealt with these issues.
After her death, I began to suffer from panic attacks. These would start as tightness in my head, and heart palpitations, tingling hands, and finally, terrified of what was happening, paramedics were called out. They checked my blood pressure, did everything possible to check me and then explained to me that I was suffering from anxiety.
Flash forward two months on and the anxiety has pretty much turned me into a shell of a person. I panicked so much about having a stroke or something of that calibre so bad that I was rushed to A&E over visual disturbances and the likes. I was given a general check-up and told to take paracetamol as it helps what the doctor explained as 'My virtually non-existent migraines from coming out in other ways.'
I went to an optometrist and had a general eye-check up, they checked my pressure twice, took pictures of my eyes, and spent a long time staring at my retinas in the back of my eyes. They told me that my eyes seemed pretty healthy and nothing looked bad and that I was near-sighted and I had to have a prescription pair of glasses (which I wear while on PCs and watching films.)
However, I was sitting in college today when I felt like what was tiny cold pinpricks that would randomly travel from my legs to my arms and then my lower left face felt numb. I panicked hard and had to escape to outside to take a breather. My anxiety has destroyed my life. I can't function, I'm failing my college course because I'm so terrified I have something like Multiple Sclerosis or an impending anuerysm or stroke. I suffer from constant flight or flight attacks, I'm always vigilant for visual disturbances and I am at the end of my rope. I can't live, I'm so worried I am ill that I am actually making myself ill.
I just don't know what to do to kick my anxiety. I'm slowly killing myself with how I am 24/7, and ironically, it's the very thing that is going to destroy my existence.
Help me, please, if you can.
Thankyou for reading.
Ziggy.
I am a recently new member to this site and I think it's time I told you my story from scratch, so as to perhaps give you all a better insight to things.
Let's start off at the beginning. When I was younger, I suddenly began to suffer from severe migraines. These were debilitating, absolutely terrifying episodes of visual disturbances and I would end up suffering from auras, nausea, and absolute horrible headaches. These would kill me, they would terrify me and for days on end I would find myself becoming alert and worrisome over the onset of the migraines, (depersonalization, heart palpitations, a panic-like attack) and I dealt with these for many years. Almost until the age of 16/17 where they stopped. I suffered from one violent one when I was 19 and since then I have not had any. However I seem to suffer from visual disturbances. (Grainy vision, floaters, starbursts, poor vision in low light.)
Near my 20th birthday, my grandmother, who I loved dearly, was diagnosed with mixed cell carcinoma (Lung cancer) and also inoperable cancer of the brain. I cared for her until she died and was there for her 24/7. The cancer took her quickly and swiftly almost three weeks after diagnosis. She died in her sleep.
When the doctors told me she didn't have long, it shocked me, because it all happened so quickly. She was one of the most prominent people people in my life. I saw her almost every day, she was always there. Most of my happy memories are of her and being with her. Growing up with her in her house and living most of my life with her in it. When I found out she was dying, it was so quick, and once she died her house that she lived in was torn apart and ransacked. Not only was my nan taken, the kindest person I knew, but that place of her memories, of where she was most happy has been destroyed and is gone. The doctors told me she had a year, then six months, then three, then one. I slept next to her, I waited up all night to check on her, and I begged her to take pills the night she died. I'm glad I did because she deserved a peaceful death. But that morning when I woke up and heard she was gone, I couldn't believe it, and when I saw her laying there frozen, I didn't cry, I didn't do anything. I swallowed my feelings and tried to be strong for everyone else. I tried to be strong for everybody but didn't focus on myself and even after my nan died I felt guilty. (Before my nan died I didn't get to see her as much as I wanted to for many reasons - The last message I have of her on Facebook is 'I miss you.' and I can't bring myself to delete it. I haven't dealt with these issues.
After her death, I began to suffer from panic attacks. These would start as tightness in my head, and heart palpitations, tingling hands, and finally, terrified of what was happening, paramedics were called out. They checked my blood pressure, did everything possible to check me and then explained to me that I was suffering from anxiety.
Flash forward two months on and the anxiety has pretty much turned me into a shell of a person. I panicked so much about having a stroke or something of that calibre so bad that I was rushed to A&E over visual disturbances and the likes. I was given a general check-up and told to take paracetamol as it helps what the doctor explained as 'My virtually non-existent migraines from coming out in other ways.'
I went to an optometrist and had a general eye-check up, they checked my pressure twice, took pictures of my eyes, and spent a long time staring at my retinas in the back of my eyes. They told me that my eyes seemed pretty healthy and nothing looked bad and that I was near-sighted and I had to have a prescription pair of glasses (which I wear while on PCs and watching films.)
However, I was sitting in college today when I felt like what was tiny cold pinpricks that would randomly travel from my legs to my arms and then my lower left face felt numb. I panicked hard and had to escape to outside to take a breather. My anxiety has destroyed my life. I can't function, I'm failing my college course because I'm so terrified I have something like Multiple Sclerosis or an impending anuerysm or stroke. I suffer from constant flight or flight attacks, I'm always vigilant for visual disturbances and I am at the end of my rope. I can't live, I'm so worried I am ill that I am actually making myself ill.
I just don't know what to do to kick my anxiety. I'm slowly killing myself with how I am 24/7, and ironically, it's the very thing that is going to destroy my existence.
Help me, please, if you can.
Thankyou for reading.
Ziggy.