God I love you guys!

[ReissG]

Some of the topics and posts on this site have reduced me to absolute tears, oh my god.
Anyway these past few weeks have been torture for me, it all started around 23rd august, I found a little mound on my throat, googled it, throat cancer.
Anxiety BANG, I'm throwing up everything, shaking, crying HYSTERICALLY.
I stopped eating for 5 days, starting losing weight rapidly, was very unwell.
Anyway I went to see a Doctor who laughed when I told him I thought it was cancer, he assured me it was not cancer and off I went, I felt AMAZING.
Anyway a few days later I decided for the first time to feel my neck for any "lumps" and oh my god what's this I find a lymph node in my neck, straight to Dr Google ago and as expected CANCER CANCER CANCER.
Anyway again, whole thing is repeated, I have a complete break down, researching for hours.
My partner comes home and I'm hysterical again telling him I have lymphoma and that I don't want to leave him and I'm scared I'll be dead soon, he was terrified as you can imagine.
I went to see a different Doctor and I asked him to feel the node and he said yes it's just a normal lymph node. He said it would go down eventually and it hasn't, to be honest though, what's a 1cm lymph node going to go down to?
As I said, I've never ever looked for lymph nodes, so the fact I found one is indication it's always been there, it doesn't poke out my skin, it moves and it's like a jelly bean.

3 weeks on and my god my anxiety has been bad, I've cried myself to sleep everynight because of Dr Google, I'm going to the Doctors on Monday to see my actual Dr and if he says anything is abnormal, I have no interest in any further investigation. If he wants scans for my peace of mind that's fine, I'll say no, you've already made me feel better, but if he says "Oh that's not good, better go for a scan" I'll walk on out of there.
I'm a stubborn human being and thinking worst case scenario all the time I would honestly end up killing myself, I don't even want to go to the Dr but my boyfriend insists because he needs me to hear from the doctor that I'm fine!

I don't mind being told I'm fine, it's being told that I need more done to me, NO NO NO!
I do not fear death, what I is being told that I could possibly die. If someone held a gun up to my face that's fine, it's instant and you know it's going to happen, it may sound selfish but I could never mentally go through an illness like cancer, never ever. That's why I'm terrified, if the disease didn't kill me my mental health would.

Anyway, Dr Google can kiss my arse, thanks for making me smile you guys :)

[Annie0904]

I am pleased you have decided to go to see your doctor. You should never google symptoms, it always comes up with the worst but it is usually just something simple, I hope you start to be better soon, I am sure you will once you get the reassurance from your doctor. :hugs:

[loopylu86]

I totally relate to this. I wold never be able to mentally accept something like cancer. I literally feel relief when I go to the docs but when it comes to possible further tests etc..I get pure anxiety.

I have had the same jelly bean lump inmy neck for over a decade. It wiggles and doesn't hurt and has never really been a concern..only because it never changes but when I first discovered it...well..I thought all the same. Some of us have lumpier necks and nodes it seems lol x

[notsogooduk]

I am exactly the same with Dr Google, I go and look on there and then instantly diagnose myself.

Even after I saw the doctor for something I believed Google after I saw people on forums saying their doctors misdiagnosed or said there was nothing when they had cancer.

I ended up seeing 2 doctors in the end for a 2nd opinion but I still worried. It didn't help that it took about a week to be able to get in to see a doctor, that wait was the worst bit.

[ReissG]

This is what gets me going :(
When people say this, I've seen four Doctors already due to a throat infection that I thought was throat cancer, it's fine now lol

I went looking for lymph nodes and found one, it's not big deal at the end of the day.
If I'd never looked, I wouldn't be sitting here panicking and not eating, I'd be right as rain!
Then again, I probably would have looked somewhere down the line to see if I had any, so it's better I get it out the way now.

I've got to get through today and the weekend, luckily my appointment on Monday is super early, so my anxiety will be dealt with my 10 am....I hope :(

My Doctor is going to have a laugh when I say "well I found out about lymphoma, then looked for lymph nodes and found one and now think I'm going to die"

[Magic]

I could do with my own private GP. Someone I could see every day,
Maybe so--- if we win the lottery this weekend:)