ReissG
05-10-12, 01:43
Some of the topics and posts on this site have reduced me to absolute tears, oh my god.
Anyway these past few weeks have been torture for me, it all started around 23rd august, I found a little mound on my throat, googled it, throat cancer.
Anxiety BANG, I'm throwing up everything, shaking, crying HYSTERICALLY.
I stopped eating for 5 days, starting losing weight rapidly, was very unwell.
Anyway I went to see a Doctor who laughed when I told him I thought it was cancer, he assured me it was not cancer and off I went, I felt AMAZING.
Anyway a few days later I decided for the first time to feel my neck for any "lumps" and oh my god what's this I find a lymph node in my neck, straight to Dr Google ago and as expected CANCER CANCER CANCER.
Anyway again, whole thing is repeated, I have a complete break down, researching for hours.
My partner comes home and I'm hysterical again telling him I have lymphoma and that I don't want to leave him and I'm scared I'll be dead soon, he was terrified as you can imagine.
I went to see a different Doctor and I asked him to feel the node and he said yes it's just a normal lymph node. He said it would go down eventually and it hasn't, to be honest though, what's a 1cm lymph node going to go down to?
As I said, I've never ever looked for lymph nodes, so the fact I found one is indication it's always been there, it doesn't poke out my skin, it moves and it's like a jelly bean.
3 weeks on and my god my anxiety has been bad, I've cried myself to sleep everynight because of Dr Google, I'm going to the Doctors on Monday to see my actual Dr and if he says anything is abnormal, I have no interest in any further investigation. If he wants scans for my peace of mind that's fine, I'll say no, you've already made me feel better, but if he says "Oh that's not good, better go for a scan" I'll walk on out of there.
I'm a stubborn human being and thinking worst case scenario all the time I would honestly end up killing myself, I don't even want to go to the Dr but my boyfriend insists because he needs me to hear from the doctor that I'm fine!
I don't mind being told I'm fine, it's being told that I need more done to me, NO NO NO!
I do not fear death, what I is being told that I could possibly die. If someone held a gun up to my face that's fine, it's instant and you know it's going to happen, it may sound selfish but I could never mentally go through an illness like cancer, never ever. That's why I'm terrified, if the disease didn't kill me my mental health would.
Anyway, Dr Google can kiss my arse, thanks for making me smile you guys :)
Anyway these past few weeks have been torture for me, it all started around 23rd august, I found a little mound on my throat, googled it, throat cancer.
Anxiety BANG, I'm throwing up everything, shaking, crying HYSTERICALLY.
I stopped eating for 5 days, starting losing weight rapidly, was very unwell.
Anyway I went to see a Doctor who laughed when I told him I thought it was cancer, he assured me it was not cancer and off I went, I felt AMAZING.
Anyway a few days later I decided for the first time to feel my neck for any "lumps" and oh my god what's this I find a lymph node in my neck, straight to Dr Google ago and as expected CANCER CANCER CANCER.
Anyway again, whole thing is repeated, I have a complete break down, researching for hours.
My partner comes home and I'm hysterical again telling him I have lymphoma and that I don't want to leave him and I'm scared I'll be dead soon, he was terrified as you can imagine.
I went to see a different Doctor and I asked him to feel the node and he said yes it's just a normal lymph node. He said it would go down eventually and it hasn't, to be honest though, what's a 1cm lymph node going to go down to?
As I said, I've never ever looked for lymph nodes, so the fact I found one is indication it's always been there, it doesn't poke out my skin, it moves and it's like a jelly bean.
3 weeks on and my god my anxiety has been bad, I've cried myself to sleep everynight because of Dr Google, I'm going to the Doctors on Monday to see my actual Dr and if he says anything is abnormal, I have no interest in any further investigation. If he wants scans for my peace of mind that's fine, I'll say no, you've already made me feel better, but if he says "Oh that's not good, better go for a scan" I'll walk on out of there.
I'm a stubborn human being and thinking worst case scenario all the time I would honestly end up killing myself, I don't even want to go to the Dr but my boyfriend insists because he needs me to hear from the doctor that I'm fine!
I don't mind being told I'm fine, it's being told that I need more done to me, NO NO NO!
I do not fear death, what I is being told that I could possibly die. If someone held a gun up to my face that's fine, it's instant and you know it's going to happen, it may sound selfish but I could never mentally go through an illness like cancer, never ever. That's why I'm terrified, if the disease didn't kill me my mental health would.
Anyway, Dr Google can kiss my arse, thanks for making me smile you guys :)