View Full Version : Worst panic attack ever
So I have felt ok today and my sis text saying she fancied cookies so I offered to drive to Tesco..It's about 8 miles away. So we are walking around..I feel ok. Then I said to her "I feel abit spaced out but not anxious..I can cope with the spaced out feeling when there is no anxiety" I was then looking at the books and next thing I know..I got the adrenaline and felt the intensity worse than ever before..Headed straight to check out and got in the car..We were discussing it on the way home and how it made me feel...I could feel it building and building until everything seemed so distant and my legs went cold...and numb. I can't really feel myself during. I had to pull over and this time I was just crying hysterically at the wheel. I just let so much out..I am now in bed at home and feeling SO anxious and close to fainting. Despite being lead down. My back and legs are clammy and sweating and I have a headache and am more distant than ever. It seems that my panic attacks are getting more and more intense. They reach a peak so high that I really feel like I am dying. How can this be only anxiety? I am in bed now and I am terrified. I have never had 2 back to back and I have I am on CIT day 35. I am on final day of flucloxacillian. I just don't get why this is happening. I have tried distracting
MissHDynamite
07-10-12, 16:52
I know where your coming from Lu... I have been the same since last Sunday! yesterday was the only day I felt ok ish!
I have never had panic attacks like them before, so much so I took a diazepam every day for 6 days which is not lke me. I have had to have another one today! and now in that spaced out depersonalisation mode its horrendous!
I am on Lustral and they want me to stay on them for at least another 3 weeks to see if they are working! I am so fed up of it all I have cried today too :weep: I am even getting bouts of depression which I never really used to get..
I hope we all feel better soon.. just makes you think how much longer before we do and we get scared in case we don't!
Big hugs :hugs:
I always try to remain positive no matter what. But the fear I am feeling is so intense that I think I will die from fear. I am literally terrified. I don't know what to do to help myself. I try relaxing at home and it makes me worse..I try going out and being normal and I end up worse. I know I will faint because I get so scared and the peak so high that there is nothing more left for me to do but pass out. What scares me most is the inability to explain what I am feeling and how bad. I don't know why I feel worse than ever? I thought I was getting better. I am now worse than I was in the very beginning....Infact I didn't think it was possible to feel this bad.
So sorry today has got so worse for you. You won't pass out though, you just feel like you will. When I get as bad as you are describing sometimes I just wish I could pass out to get some relief from it. I really wish I could do something to help you because I know how bad it can feel and you don't think it can get better but it will! I was so bad a few weeks ago I wished I could just die but now I am getting more good days (or parts of the day) that I am pleased I am still here...and we will get more good days. I really hope tomorrow is a better day for you but if not I think you should call your doctor and if you don't feel up to going out request a home visit. He might want to review your meds. :bighug1::bighug1::bighug1:
Thanks Annie. I am feeling really tearful now. I don't know why it's all coming out now. I just can't stop crying. I have finally got to a point where I just can't live like this anymore. I just want someone to put me into hospital and have someone look after me. I need guidance. I have no idea whther I am makingmyself worse or whether I am good. I just don't know. I am sorry to bring such negativity but I really reached such a high level of fear this afternoon that I thought this is what it must be like to die because there is no way your body could put you through something so intense. I can definitely feel depression has kicked in. I relly do try to be positive. I did all I said I would do. Why do you think these attacks are more intense now? xx
I think you have held in so much Lu and you have said you have found it hard to cry. When my ex was sectioned for a while in psychiatric care. A psychologist there spoke to me and said I had gone through years of torment and at some point in my life it would all have to come out. I don't know what your triggers have been or even if everyone has one but I think from what he said we just get a build up of stressful events and although we may cope at the time they are building up inside. There will be a time in our life when we have been too strong for too long and it all has to come out. I think in some ways it is good that you are crying now and sometimes things have to get worse before they get better. I have had days were I just wanted someone to kill me to put me out of my misery (I am pleased they didn't). I still get periods of time like this and feel like banging my head off a wall sometimes! It is the most awful, awful feeling but even when I am in that state, I can now tell myself "This won't last, it can only get better" and it will get better. On days like this you can only see the negative because it is just such a dark place, but dark places always get brighter and it will, try hard to be positive and to think positive things, you have achieved a lot of good things this week. :hugs:
I think you have held in so much Lu and you have said you have found it hard to cry. When my ex was sectioned for a while in psychiatric care. A psychologist there spoke to me and said I had gone through years of torment and at some point in my life it would all have to come out. I don't know what your triggers have been or even if everyone has one but I think from what he said we just get a build up of stressful events and although we may cope at the time they are building up inside. There will be a time in our life when we have been too strong for too long and it all has to come out. I think in some ways it is good that you are crying now and sometimes things have to get worse before they get better. I have had days were I just wanted someone to kill me to put me out of my misery (I am pleased they didn't). I still get periods of time like this and feel like banging my head off a wall sometimes! It is the most awful, awful feeling but even when I am in that state, I can now tell myself "This won't last, it can only get better" and it will get better. On days like this you can only see the negative because it is just such a dark place, but dark places always get brighter and it will, try hard to be positive and to think positive things, you have achieved a lot of good things this week. :hugs:
Thank you so much Annie. Your kind words have set me off again lol.
I have definitely had a huge build up of loads of things family,death,relationships,work,financial,self esteem etc So many things.
I am feelimg quite calm now but so tired and headachey after such a huge attack. Your positivity really helps. It really is a terrifying place. So strange that we can even go to these places mentally. I have to go to the docs tomo anyway as they won't write me another sicknote until they see me again so I will definitely be mentioning this to her. Maybe I need to start taking CIT as a 20mg x
You sound like you are a very caring, loving person and I am sure in amongst all the things you have endured that you have also been giving support to others, you need time to heal yourself and the problem with the boils also means your resistance is low at the moment. Get another sick note, don't worry about work (says me sitting here worrying about it everyday lol) and have plenty of time for yourself to learn how to relax and get yourself better :bighug1:
I really am. I will do anything for anyone else. I really ama struggling atm tho and really feel like no one can understand what I am feeling. I literally keep getting this scary feeling of fear and it makes adrenaline release in my belly. It is so scary x
Believe me I can understand it...I don't know how my husband has coped with me, it must be awful for him having to go away to work leaving me in such a state and that made me even worse knowing that seeing me being so ill was upsetting for him. It will get better Lu! We just need to start looking for that island :)
---------- Post added at 18:33 ---------- Previous post was at 18:28 ----------
I can't believe I have just googled 'islands for sale' lol...there are some really nice ones! Now I just need to win the lottery :D
Believe me I can understand it...I don't know how my husband has coped with me, it must be awful for him having to go away to work leaving me in such a state and that made me even worse knowing that seeing me being so ill was upsetting for him. It will get better Lu! We just need to start looking for that island :)
---------- Post added at 18:33 ---------- Previous post was at 18:28 ----------
I can't believe I have just googled 'islands for sale' lol...there are some really nice ones! Now I just need to win the lottery :D
lol that's so funny.
I don't know about you but when I get into this little bubble of fear..I feel like I won't ever leave it. It really is that bad. I have actually told this new guy that I will be taking a step back. I really don't want to but I can't even spend time with him and it sets my panic off really easy for some reason. I will be alone forever at this rate! I don't get how I can spend time with someone when the thought alone makes me panic. Like after my attack earlier my lovely sister came to stay at the house with me. She went off to help out with my dishes while I recovered upstairs on the bed..but that is how I need to be when I am so anxious..alone.
I am the same, I like my husband home but if he is downstairs watching TV I will sometimes go upstairs to be in my own little place, I can't cope with anyone too close to me when I am at my worst. I like the reassurance of someone there but at a distance.
That makes sense. I get that way too. I am so worried that this is it now and I will always be alone. x
paranoidtree
07-10-12, 18:53
Oh Lu, sorry to hear you had such a dreadful afternoon. it will ease and it will get better, we all need to believe this! I understand about being in a bubble of fear though, that's how i feel everytime i leave the house (and sometimes even when i just think about it!). We just need to burst that bubble though appreciate this is easier said than done.
Am tempted to look at islands now too....wonder how my husband would feel about moving???
It won't be, you will get there, you have been better before and you will get there again, it is the physical medical problems that set this off again for you the same with me and the dreaded foot and we just need to remind ourselves of that :)
I just don't see how I am going to get out of the bubble. I thought what I was doing last time was helping then just been set right back. x
You can't see it now because you are having a really bad day...it will get better.:hugs:
Thank you Annie! It is just the worst I have ever felt it. I am going to try and get a good nights sleep x
:bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bighug1: x
Hope you get a good night's sleep :)
Oh Lu, I'm sorry that you've been having such a rotten day :sad: Annie has given you some excellent advice, which I won't repeat, but I did want to reinforce that you HAVE been getting better, and you ARE making progress. It hasn't felt like that today because you're having a bad time of it, but it is true, and in my opinion the progress you have made is probably one of the reasons you have felt scared today. I read an article recently where it said that people like ourselves keep ourselves "at the bottom of the water" for safety - we are afraid of what will happen if we float to the surface and fail at life beyond panic, so we revert to our default, heavy panic behaviours because they are familiar, and in a strange way, "safe". Does that make any sense?
That makes perfect sense Elle-Kay. If I have any sense of normality these days...It feels alien to me and makes me freak out lol. The last 2 days have been absolute hell on earth for me. I didn't think it was possible to feel so scared. I did manage a good night sleep last night due to the pure exhaustion that followed the panic attacks. I feel alot better today....although it's SO dark and depressing outside lol. I am hoping just to maintain the way I am feeling right now. I am definitely in fear of the feeling that it gives me at the very bottom. I am so thankful for all of you sticking by me and I feel bad that I haven't been able to contribute much to others on the forum at the moment but I have really been in the worst place. I really had a moments yesterday when I just wanted to be sectioned because I was terrified of my own mind and feelings. I never feel suicidal or anything in that area..that would just never be an option for me because I love life and my family but I think we can all agree that there are times when it gets so dark that you just want to sleep and escape.
I have the docs at 11 today and my usual doc isn't available so I am hoping he will be a good one. I am not sure whether 10mg of cit is working for me as I now feel depressed aswell as anxious.
I really can't wait to get back to a good place. I know we will all get there!! x
So pleased you have managed to get a good nights sleep (that's a positive right?) Hope your appointment goes well this morning. I have my counselling at 10.30 (nervous).
I understand exactly when you say "it gets so dark that you just want to sleep and escape" My husband must wonder what I am doing sometimes because I must look like a little scared puppy, trying to hide under the bedclothes, curling up in a ball, just not knowing what to do with myself, so scary. We WILL get better Lu...positive thinking :)
I am hoping to be referred for some counselling. How many sessions have you had now? Do you feel like it is helping? The thing with me is that when I get to the docs I tend to hold back about how bad it is. It is hard to sit there and spill everything in a few minutes without sounding weird lol. I am definitely feeling more positive today. It is an awful day weather wise though. It seems like evening time it's so dark!!! xx
You should write it all down Lu to take with you. This is only my third session and work will only pay for 5. The counsellor said she thinks I need 12 sessions but I have to pay for my physio and can't afford the counselling as well. She said she will speak to the school advisory service and see if they will agree to pay for more for me. I think it is helping having someone to let it all out to but it is also painful and drains me. It was really dark and cold when I woke up but the sun is shining here now :)
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