Will I ever be myself again?

[poppy26]

Hi everyone, I'm 26 and was prescribed citalopram for mild depression when i was 17. I was first on 20mg about 4years then went down to 10mg about 4years, weaned myself down to 5mg for 6months and have been cold turkey for at least 6months now. I have been taking st johns wort and fish oil. I thought I would be back to normal by now after weaning so slowly but i am far from it. I have good days and bad days. Ive been through the brain whooshing thing but that has finished now. i am still having panic attacks and anxiety. which i never had before i was taking the drug. I also get very irritable and impatient very easily. I struggle to relax and often find myself clenching my jaw. I feel like i hate my job (only since i have stopped taking the drug) and find i am struggling to find happiness. i have just got back from from 4weeks in asia. Spent half the time relaxing on amazing paradise-like islands and beaches, and was often waking up with anxiety for no reason and extremely emotional and in tears! I would look around and see a paradise around me but be anxious, depressed and emotional! Has anyone else experienced anything simillar? Im worried that after being on the drug for so long and starting at the age of 17 that i will NEVER come right? At times i am very tempted to go back on the drug but determined not to let it beat me. Will i ever be my old self again? Or will i need to go back on the evil drug again for the rest of my life to be normal?:scared15:

[nomorepanic]

Hi poppy26

We just wanted to welcome you aboard to NMP. We hope you enjoy your stay here and get all the support and advice you need.

Please take some time to read the website articles on the left as well for loads of advice and tips.

[Annie0904]

Hi :welcome: I think maybe you should see your doctor again, it may be that you still need the medication. Have you had any counselling? Maybe that would be helpful to you or cbt :hugs:

[poppy26]

I saw my doctor a couple months ago when i was actually doing quite well. I wanted to talk to him about citalopram and pregnancy. Im not pregnant but planning on having children in a couple of years which is one.of the reasons why i wanted to.come.off the drug in the first place. His attitude is that its ok to take the drug for the rest of your life - even during pregnancy. Which im not keen on doing. when i.stopped taking the drug i had no idea what id be going thru and even 6months later still experiencing horrible withdrawl symptoms. I wish doctors knew more about them and explained the.effects of coming off them before you start taking them. Instead they give them to.teenagers like candy.

[little scientist]

Hi Poppy :) My partner and I too want to have children in the next few years, and I have been doing some reading about citalopram and pregnancy - it seems some GPs are happy for it to be taken during pregnancy, and others not so. Ideally I would like to not be on it when the time comes for my partner and I to start our family but if my GP agrees that it is best (as one GP has said it may be advisable for me to be on it for the forseeable future) then I shall go with it I think.

I came off my citalopram earlier this year (june ish maybe?) and have just had to go back on it 5 weeks ago after really struggling and getting awful invasive thoughts back but I do hope that one day, I can manage without the medication :)

[loopylu86]

I was upped to 20mg from the 10mg Ihave been taking and the doc asked meif I was considering pregnancy..I was surprised as to why he would ask and it was because he would like me to come off it if I considered pregnancy. As I don't plan to be pregnant anytime soon...I didn't question why.

[poppy26]

Its so nice to hear from like minded people and to feel like I'm not alone :hugs: Also interesting how doctors advise different things. i struggle to see how my GP can advise me to take them during pregnancy when it can harm my baby. He assured me he has has hundreds of patients that have taken it during pregnancy and babies have been fine. But i could never forgive myself if i was taking cit during pregnancy and harmed my baby! In saying that, stress can also be bad for baby. Hard to know what to do :huh:

[little scientist]

From the information I have read (from british NHS guidelines), citalopram appears to be ok during pregnancy (although there appears to be some concern regarding the final trimester), but it is breast feeding that is the biggest issue and that babies should not be exposed to citalopram via breast milk. This is where my biggest issue lies - I have a strong desire to breast feed when I have children as I know it is best for them and gives them the nutrients they need, but the citalopram would have to be changed for something else and that kind of change scares me, as I know how good citalopram is for me!

[poppy26]

I have the same urge to breast feed. Doc was also talking about post natal depression, in which case we would have no choice but to be on citalopram (or something similar)

[little scientist]

Well there are other options - breast milk banks etc, which I would probably look into but there is the desire to feed the baby myself! It's a little way down the line for me though yet!

[terror-x]

welcome to NMP