I thought i was getting better, but i feel worse than ever today!!

[hannah26]

Hello so I've been on Citalopram for 3 weeks now! I've had terrible side effects but some good moments! I thought maybe I was getting somewhere but today I have woken up in a terrible state. I feel woozy, spaced out, I have a massive sense of doom, my arms feel numb and heavy, achy, horrible thoughts of derealization, everything feels weird and scary, even in my own home and me. The worlds to big, the skys to big, my face feels numb and I'm shaking all over. I'm scared.
When will it start getting better? I don't think I can take much more of this, everythings wrong.
What should I do? I was thinking of going to the docs and askng to up my dose but will the side effects get worse? I don't think I could handle that.
I just want to be normal. It doesn't feel fair!!
I'm sorry I'm having a big moan, forgive me, I'm not normally so self-pitying!
Hannah x x

[loopylu86]

I am the same as you Hannah. I had the worst night of my life last night. I have been taking CIT 10mg since 2 september and took my first dose of 20mg yesterday. I woke up at 1am and have never felt such fear in my entire life. I lead with my feet against the wall from my bed in fear of fainting as I could feel a burning through my arms and chest. I really thought I was going to just drop dead. I have woken up so spaced out,sad,anxious and emotional. Constant butterflies with shots of adrenaline every so often,dizziness,headache,cold hands,boiling face,clamminess,weakness,tiredness. I literally wake up and cry straight away because it is hell. Words are too small to even describe the trauma I feel right now. So I also am in the same boat as you. If I knew what was causing it then I would fix it but I have tried everything and nothing is working!! I don't think it's fair either!! I keep thinking that I won't get better and I will die of fear. Sorry to be so gloomy. You are not alone!!! xx

[Annie0904]

Hi Hannah, sorry you are having a bad day today and don't need to ask to for us to forgive you...I am sure we have all been there..I certainly have. You are going to have good days and bad days, when you have a morning like today, remind yourself of the good ones. If you don't start to feel better today then maybe a review of meds with your doctor might be a good idea or maybe to be referred for cbt if you haven't already. :hugs::hugs:

[hannah26]

Thank you Loopylu and Annie for your replies. I have calmed down a little now!
I have been referred for cbt, my first appointment is tomorrow thank goodness. But the way I am feeling at the moment I feel like that won't even work for me.
I'm just a bit depressed I think, sick of feeling like a weirdo and a failure! I'm 27 I should be living life to the full and travelling the world, living on my own and working hard. But I can't do any of that because of these stupid feelings and I'm scared I'll get to old age and be disappointed with my life.
Sorry for the downer.
Hannah x x

[little scientist]

woah woah woah you are not a failure! far from it!

Glad to hear you have CBT lined up (I think you told me about it before). Hopefully it will help you - I have finally found a form of CBT that I feel comfortable with and that isn't too deep and hardcore and is in bitesize chunks.

Big hugs Hannah xxx

[diggory]

Just give it time, it does work, and work well. I came off a daily 40mil at the end of August after three years. I feel good for the first time in years, way before I thought I was ill. There are side effects at the beginning and end but you have to grin and bare it and remain focused on the end. Talking therapy worked for me too, with meditation and yoga added along the way. Meditation helps to switch off the crap that goes around and around in your head, you become mindful of your recurring thought patterns and can distance yourself in an observational but not judgmental way.
Well done, if you head says no tomorrow, breathe,smile and go for a walk !!

[hannah26]

Hello and thank you for your replies this morning.
I think I was a bit tired and felt a bit down, I have managed to distract myself a bit today although I feel better I still feel a bit scared for no reason.

Diggory, thank you for saying about meditation and yoga, I was thinking about taking some classes at my local health centre. I have heard good things about them and will try anything at the moment.

Thank you again
Hannah x x

[cos123]

Hi hannah and Loopylu: I wish I could reach out and hug you both. No one deserves to feel this kind of terror.
I had just posted something on our old thread (what was it something about i don't know how much more of this i can take) a few minutes ago when I saw both your posts about what bad mornings you were having.

Look at it, I had called the pharmacist I was having such a bad day.

I had gone to a farmers exhibition yesterday with my husband and a friend and sitting in my seat watching the horses, I wanted to crawl out of my skin. I felt so weak and shakey I wished I could just spontaneously die so as not to feel these feelings any more. And I was supposed to go back to work today (that didnt happen)
But like you guys, we wouldn't be trying so hard if we didn't want to live and have good lives with a little joy.
We are going to get there, because we deserve it, and we just need to hold each other's hand (symbolically) to keep each other motivated.

hold on my friends
cos123