I've been thinking...(Always a bad sign!!)

[hannah26]

Hello ok so I have posted a lot on here recently but there is just one question I wanted to ask.
I have heard a lot about exposure, for example someone who is afraid of spiders exposes themselves to spiders (not in that way:D), gradually and then when they see that they are not in danger or harmed or anything they start to get better and the thought of spiders and spiders themselves become less scary.
I tried it a little earlier and looked at pictures of the world from space. It made me feel panicky and a bit scared and shaky but I want to keep looking but I dont want to feel worse.
What do people think?
Anyone had any experience of doing this?
Again any advice would be amazing.
Thank you
Hannah x x

[MRS STRESS ED]

Hannah what is it that scares you about it :hugs:xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[hannah26]

Hello MRS STRESS ! ED,

At the moment I have been scared about how big the world is, how its there in space floating, I'm scared of the universe and how big it is and I can't think about how endless it is because I just can't comprehend it, I'm scared of what's underneath me, just earth and it makes me feel weird! I'm scared of how vast everything is and how small I am it makes me feel insignificant.
I stand outside and think about what's above me and its nothing a whole massive space of nothingness.
I have moments of absolute disbelief that I'm here on earth. I thiink about the amount of people and stuff is on earth.

Its only been 3 weeks since I started feeling lke this and its 3 weeks since I started citalopram so I know its side effects heightening my anxiety.

Sorry for the long list!!
Hannah x x

[Stormsky]

Try to look at the earth with amazement, how great it is...change you train of thought about it, from fear to awe!

[MRS STRESS ED]

Its ok dont say sorry ,if it frightens you its not nice I no I have moments like that where things dont feel real ,hopefully your meds will start to help you and all these horrible thoughts will go, and remember they are just thoughts they carnt hurt you ,I hope this passes soon for you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx:hugs:

[hannah26]

Hello Thank you MRS S, I really appreciate your replies. Its hard to imagine that I am not the only one going through this sometimes.

Hi Stormsky, In my normal state of mind I love everything to do with space, from Dr Who to watching youtube videos on it, Im a bit of geek and proud:D. But maybe I've thought about it to much and now iive just started to question it all. I don't know.Thank you for your reply, I will put in to practice what you've said when I next start to feel panicky.

Hannah x x

[Stormsky]

Just don't fear it, and it won't cause you distress....

[JosephHitch]

The universe is amazing. It's also pretty intimidating. We are going to die and there is nothing we can do about it. In 6 billion years the sun is going to explode and boil our oceans and destroy any life and there is nothing we can do about it. The total amount of suffering per year in the natural world is beyond all decent contemplation. During the minute that it takes me to compose this comment , thousands of animals are being eaten alive, many others are running for their lives, whimpering with fear, others are slowly being devoured from within by rasping parasites, thousands of all kinds are dying of starvation, thirst, and disease. It must be so. If there ever is a time of plenty, this very fact will automatically lead to an increase in the population until the natural state of starvation and misery is restored. In a universe of electrons and genes, blind physical forces and genetic replication, some people are going to get hurt, other people are going to get lucky, and you won't find any rhyme or reason in it, nor any justice. The universe that we observe has precisely the properties we should expect if there is, at bottom, no design, no purpose, no evil, no good, nothing but pitiless indifference. You're looking for a safety and security that simply isn't there Hannah. Your feelings are entirely rational as you are correct in thinking yourself "small and insignificant" .We all are small and insignificant. However these feelings should be ones of rejoice and wonder, not fear . After sleeping through a hundred million centuries we have finally opened our eyes on a sumptuous planet, sparkling with colour, bountiful with life. Within decades we must close our eyes again. Don't spend your brief time in the sun fearful x

[hannah26]

Hello,

Hitchens thank you for your reply, I enjoyed reading it very much. You seem like a very intelligent man, I especially like the last line, I must indeed spend my time on earth living life to the fullest in the sun not scared in the dark.
I have my first cbt appointment today so I am hoping that I can start working on getting better and living like I should be.

For the first time in a long time today I feel a tiny butterfly of excitement in my tummy. I feel like I have been given a life line and a fresh start to try again with my life and make it how I want it to be. I have even been applying for jobs all morning and looking into going to university. As I have said before I dont want to get to old age and be dissapointed with my life, there is still time to do everything I want to do and more.

Thank you again.
Hannah x x

[JosephHitch]

I read alot like I said lol . That's great Hannah. I'm doing an psychology degree through The Open University. You could look into study through T.O.U, as it's all from home you might find anxiety issues don't effect your studies as much. Message me if you ever want any info or anything ,take care x