At a loss for explanation...reassurance appreciated

[Michael1836]

Hello...hopefully this will be the last post I bother posting before finally getting all the tests and answers...until that time though my worry has increased and increased and now I am looking for reassurance around every corner. I have a concern that doesn't add up to me and am scared I may actually be ill.

To keep in mind: apart from this past month, and apart from a history of stress and mild general anxiety which I've always coped with...I've never experienced this sort of anxiety bad enough to actually cause physical symptoms. As a result, I was (and sometimes still am) a disbeliever of it actually affecting me this way as some of the symptoms are very real and physical.

Plus when all this started I actually WAS sick....my bloods showed a "mild" bacterial infection and the ER doc thought I had a virus as well and wasn't concerned.

But even though I got better, I panicked and panicked and panicked because some of the symptoms...most scary of which were chronic constant headaches and funny sharp facial and scalp pains....just were NOT going away. Even after a month. I bothered my mother constantly over the phone who is a Nurse Practicioner as well as my GP who is also my Step dad. I have yet to be officaly diagnosed with anxiety but he has told me over the phone as well as my mum that she reckons thats all it is.

However this strange red rash on my face that also came up when all this started was STILL there...so I pestered my mother enough that she finally suggested to me I may have SLE aka Lupus (apparantly she has it although a very mild form). The rash matched the pictures and some other symptoms also matched. Ie: fatigue, headaches, and a couple other things.

Now when she said this to me which IMO was a no no to a HA sufferer...my mind went rampat. See another symptom I've had especially in the alst two weeks has been chronic trembling fingers and muscle weakness. Especially in limbs. Even when still it feels like electrical impulses shooting through my arm.

I know this can be an anxiety symptom and I'm praying to God it is....but its been everyday non stop for two weeks straight....it comes and goes a little but never truly leaves....

so now my brain which knows too much for its own good is piecing two and two together and assuming my Lupus is severe (which is fatal) and is eating away at my brain tissue (which is what severe Lupus does, eat away at some vital organ) and causing neurological damage...hence the fingers.

I am able to step back and tell myself a couple of things....
like the fact despite all this...even with the fatigue, I've been able to play soccer with kids everyday (I work at a school)...play with my dog in the afternoon, I've been to the gym doing a high intensity weightlifting routine twice this week, and swam laps in the pool two days ago. My fine motor coordination skills are still okay...even though I do feel the trembling through it. and I am able to laugh smile, and am not "debilitated".

If I had a severe case of Lupus wouldnt I be debilitated? Also I don't feel the joint pain most commonly assoicated with Lupus and the rash comes and goes in intensity. which I don't think is normal. sometimes it DOESNT even look like a Lupus rash.

but at the end of the day my mother DOES have it...and I did get her poor circulation which is a sign of Lupus, and I have been chronically tired lately and had an infection and had an extreme headache a couple weeks ago.

I'm terrified this trembling and weakness is neuro damage. I see a neurologist in a few weeks but my GP (dad) says its only for my own piece of mind and I shouldn't be worried.

Also it should be noted I had a CT four weeks ago (but that was before this trembling and weakness set in) and it came back clear.

My mother says if I had anything eating away at my brain tissue it would have shown up and that I don't even need an MRI

But my issue is I have no way of knowing if this is all anxiety, or Lupus, or MND or whatever and because I DID and DO have this strange facial rash, and my weakness and trembline DOES feel VERY real and is CHRONIC and I HAVE been VERY tired....I just don't know what to make and am going to freak out up until the point the neuro sits me down and tells me the news.

My worst case scenario is a degenerative neuro disease that will eventually kill me and it terrifies me...

thoughts?

[fozzy is crying]

Hiya,

Some years ago I had a friend that had Lupus. I have no idea if you or your Mum had what she had but in her case it was very serious and she and everyone around her certainly knew about it and we all finished up in isolation for tests very quickly. What you describe does in no way seem like it. So if I were you I would put it out of my mind.

Gordon

[Jenwales]

Please try and stop worrying. Tell yourself when you worry no it will be fine. I know it's hard. The shaking and muscle weakness is anxiety. I've had it for years and when it goes for a bit it comes back with new symptoms.
You're just making yourself worse by worrying. There's no point in worrying so I tell myself. Whatever happens you will cope. Just carry on and do things you enjoy because if you are ill or not your wasting time worrying. Even if you are ill you can seek treatment, but it probably is anxiety and your mind playing tricks on you. All the best

[Anxious_gal]

Were you on antibiotics?
They kill all the good bacteria in your gut and colon.
Studies show lack of good bacteria can cause anxiety,depression and weight issues.
So replace it by taking the good bacteria tablets, eating natural yogurt, drinking probiotic yogurt drinks.

[uk23]

I have a family history of Lupus so they did a blood test to check for antibodies - can you ask for this?

[Michael1836]

Thank you all for your help and words.

I went and saw my GP(dad) yesterday who looked over some bloodwork that was done while he was away and hadn't had a chance to see yet. I sat in chair nervously next to him voicing my concerns and fears.

thankfully he found no antibodies to worry about and no indication of an autoimmune system disorder. I felt so relieved. Even the past couple days I have felt better and the headaches which plauged me and started all this have faded for now.

However last night was a real realization for me as I had a massive blow out with the caregiver I live because the hot burning red face rash and trembling fingers and weakness are still there and I can't explain it. She sat me down and was basically yelling at me "this is ridiculous there is nothing wrong with you all the tests are fine...etc..etc."

I broke down in tears and was litteraly screaming "I know there is something wrong I just know it!"

standing back now and looking at my behaviour I am able to say to myself: "...ouch...you need help... :/ "

she is a very traditional woman and a natural remedy believer and doesn't understand mental illnesses and disorders and doesn't understand how I can keep worrying. I had a horrible nights rest and was sobbing like a child for no reason most of the night. The realisation of my own problem finally taking its toll.


I will say I think I will get better soon though because my GP reffered me to another GP as he said he thinks being my step dad is starting to get in the way of me taking his proffesional word seriously. He reckons after hearing the same thing from someone else I will finaly be at ease.

the problem is when all this started I actually WAS sick. My white cell count was slightly elevated on my first blood test....and then was up again by another whole number by my next blood test. It was 12.6 last checked.

my dad didn't seem concerned and didn't even want to do another blood test just to see where they are now as he insists it was just a sign of infection and because I feel so much better now and am not nearly as sick as I was...that there is no point.

unfortunately my mind cannot accept that as an answer. that and the fact this burning red rash on my face is very real and very visible yet it comes and goes and is always faded when I try to show a proffesional (just my luck) but when I am at work or something I have people pulling me aside telling me I look terrible and asking if I am ill. Which of course doesn't help in the least. :scared15:

my mother and dad do not seem concerned about the redness and no one seems take me seriously about the burning sensation...so I feel frusturated as i know that there IS something. Even if it is managable and small and insignificant and greatly GREATLY exaggerated by this anxiety.

Until I get to the bottom of this I will never be able to relax...

Its a journey thats for sure. In the meantime I have to remind myself that my GP wasn't the least bit concerned. The people I live with aren't concerned. My ER nurse mother is not concerned. Alot of this is about trusting them and recognizing my own shortcomings.

[fozzy is crying]

It seems it does not matter what anyone says or that all tests are negative to you you do not believe them even with a Doctor in the family.

I seriously think you need to see a counsellor.

You are becoming so self centred and in the short time you have been on here all your posts have been to your own threads.

Please do your self a very big favour and seek professional advice over you anxieties. If you do not it will only eat you away.

Take care my friend. :bighug1::bighug1:

Gordon

[Michael1836]

I am sorry for coming across self centred and I am sorry for your friend with severe Lupus. I apologise for not saying that straight away, but trust that it was among my first thoughts when reading your initial reply. I have only been here a short time and have been dealing with a combination of factors during that time that are still going on. All of which were sudden and scary and no one in my environment seemed to be taking it seriously...even though some of my symptoms were visible, painful and I had some sort of infection in my markers that was never explained and could still be there. I had no answers, no official statement, no one who set me down and said "look this is certainly caused by anxiety". Just a bunch of "maybe's" and "who know's" as well as an actual infection.

I have been scared and worried and confused and the only support I have around me doesn't understand it and is just telling me off and getting angry with me. The only reason I was able to get this far without having a mental break was thanks to this forum and you people and your stories. Your help and your words.

I may not have posted on too many other people's threads but I have on a couple, especially when its been a subject I felt I could help and offer advice. I assure you I have read nearly every single one thats come on lately. I have sympathised and poured through the old posts to relate and to understand and to connect.

I was updating my posts because thats what I was asked to do by other members.

I did feel really welcome and understood here which was something I was not getting otherwise. I understand though and will stop. There is literally no one else I can see until this doctor gets back to me but when he does, I'll request a psych because thats what everyone keeps telling me.

Thank you for helping me put my behaviour in perspective. Sorry to bother.

[Pipkin]

Michael,

I believe Gordon is trying to point out that you're spending a lot of time dwelling on how you feel which is actually making you feel worse. It's not that you're a bother, just that you're the only one who can decide to focus on other things and distract yourself from the vicious circle you've got caught in.

I know it's hard to take reassurance from what others say but try your hardest and I guarantee that your symptoms will start to fade away. You've already said that your headache got better when your dad analysed your test results - clearly this shows that your symptoms are anxiety related.

Read some other posts and give members the benefit of your experience - it will help you to put your own problems into perspective.

Good luck and take care

Pip