Michael1836
10-10-12, 02:02
Hello...hopefully this will be the last post I bother posting before finally getting all the tests and answers...until that time though my worry has increased and increased and now I am looking for reassurance around every corner. I have a concern that doesn't add up to me and am scared I may actually be ill.
To keep in mind: apart from this past month, and apart from a history of stress and mild general anxiety which I've always coped with...I've never experienced this sort of anxiety bad enough to actually cause physical symptoms. As a result, I was (and sometimes still am) a disbeliever of it actually affecting me this way as some of the symptoms are very real and physical.
Plus when all this started I actually WAS sick....my bloods showed a "mild" bacterial infection and the ER doc thought I had a virus as well and wasn't concerned.
But even though I got better, I panicked and panicked and panicked because some of the symptoms...most scary of which were chronic constant headaches and funny sharp facial and scalp pains....just were NOT going away. Even after a month. I bothered my mother constantly over the phone who is a Nurse Practicioner as well as my GP who is also my Step dad. I have yet to be officaly diagnosed with anxiety but he has told me over the phone as well as my mum that she reckons thats all it is.
However this strange red rash on my face that also came up when all this started was STILL there...so I pestered my mother enough that she finally suggested to me I may have SLE aka Lupus (apparantly she has it although a very mild form). The rash matched the pictures and some other symptoms also matched. Ie: fatigue, headaches, and a couple other things.
Now when she said this to me which IMO was a no no to a HA sufferer...my mind went rampat. See another symptom I've had especially in the alst two weeks has been chronic trembling fingers and muscle weakness. Especially in limbs. Even when still it feels like electrical impulses shooting through my arm.
I know this can be an anxiety symptom and I'm praying to God it is....but its been everyday non stop for two weeks straight....it comes and goes a little but never truly leaves....
so now my brain which knows too much for its own good is piecing two and two together and assuming my Lupus is severe (which is fatal) and is eating away at my brain tissue (which is what severe Lupus does, eat away at some vital organ) and causing neurological damage...hence the fingers.
I am able to step back and tell myself a couple of things....
like the fact despite all this...even with the fatigue, I've been able to play soccer with kids everyday (I work at a school)...play with my dog in the afternoon, I've been to the gym doing a high intensity weightlifting routine twice this week, and swam laps in the pool two days ago. My fine motor coordination skills are still okay...even though I do feel the trembling through it. and I am able to laugh smile, and am not "debilitated".
If I had a severe case of Lupus wouldnt I be debilitated? Also I don't feel the joint pain most commonly assoicated with Lupus and the rash comes and goes in intensity. which I don't think is normal. sometimes it DOESNT even look like a Lupus rash.
but at the end of the day my mother DOES have it...and I did get her poor circulation which is a sign of Lupus, and I have been chronically tired lately and had an infection and had an extreme headache a couple weeks ago.
I'm terrified this trembling and weakness is neuro damage. I see a neurologist in a few weeks but my GP (dad) says its only for my own piece of mind and I shouldn't be worried.
Also it should be noted I had a CT four weeks ago (but that was before this trembling and weakness set in) and it came back clear.
My mother says if I had anything eating away at my brain tissue it would have shown up and that I don't even need an MRI
But my issue is I have no way of knowing if this is all anxiety, or Lupus, or MND or whatever and because I DID and DO have this strange facial rash, and my weakness and trembline DOES feel VERY real and is CHRONIC and I HAVE been VERY tired....I just don't know what to make and am going to freak out up until the point the neuro sits me down and tells me the news.
My worst case scenario is a degenerative neuro disease that will eventually kill me and it terrifies me...
thoughts?
To keep in mind: apart from this past month, and apart from a history of stress and mild general anxiety which I've always coped with...I've never experienced this sort of anxiety bad enough to actually cause physical symptoms. As a result, I was (and sometimes still am) a disbeliever of it actually affecting me this way as some of the symptoms are very real and physical.
Plus when all this started I actually WAS sick....my bloods showed a "mild" bacterial infection and the ER doc thought I had a virus as well and wasn't concerned.
But even though I got better, I panicked and panicked and panicked because some of the symptoms...most scary of which were chronic constant headaches and funny sharp facial and scalp pains....just were NOT going away. Even after a month. I bothered my mother constantly over the phone who is a Nurse Practicioner as well as my GP who is also my Step dad. I have yet to be officaly diagnosed with anxiety but he has told me over the phone as well as my mum that she reckons thats all it is.
However this strange red rash on my face that also came up when all this started was STILL there...so I pestered my mother enough that she finally suggested to me I may have SLE aka Lupus (apparantly she has it although a very mild form). The rash matched the pictures and some other symptoms also matched. Ie: fatigue, headaches, and a couple other things.
Now when she said this to me which IMO was a no no to a HA sufferer...my mind went rampat. See another symptom I've had especially in the alst two weeks has been chronic trembling fingers and muscle weakness. Especially in limbs. Even when still it feels like electrical impulses shooting through my arm.
I know this can be an anxiety symptom and I'm praying to God it is....but its been everyday non stop for two weeks straight....it comes and goes a little but never truly leaves....
so now my brain which knows too much for its own good is piecing two and two together and assuming my Lupus is severe (which is fatal) and is eating away at my brain tissue (which is what severe Lupus does, eat away at some vital organ) and causing neurological damage...hence the fingers.
I am able to step back and tell myself a couple of things....
like the fact despite all this...even with the fatigue, I've been able to play soccer with kids everyday (I work at a school)...play with my dog in the afternoon, I've been to the gym doing a high intensity weightlifting routine twice this week, and swam laps in the pool two days ago. My fine motor coordination skills are still okay...even though I do feel the trembling through it. and I am able to laugh smile, and am not "debilitated".
If I had a severe case of Lupus wouldnt I be debilitated? Also I don't feel the joint pain most commonly assoicated with Lupus and the rash comes and goes in intensity. which I don't think is normal. sometimes it DOESNT even look like a Lupus rash.
but at the end of the day my mother DOES have it...and I did get her poor circulation which is a sign of Lupus, and I have been chronically tired lately and had an infection and had an extreme headache a couple weeks ago.
I'm terrified this trembling and weakness is neuro damage. I see a neurologist in a few weeks but my GP (dad) says its only for my own piece of mind and I shouldn't be worried.
Also it should be noted I had a CT four weeks ago (but that was before this trembling and weakness set in) and it came back clear.
My mother says if I had anything eating away at my brain tissue it would have shown up and that I don't even need an MRI
But my issue is I have no way of knowing if this is all anxiety, or Lupus, or MND or whatever and because I DID and DO have this strange facial rash, and my weakness and trembline DOES feel VERY real and is CHRONIC and I HAVE been VERY tired....I just don't know what to make and am going to freak out up until the point the neuro sits me down and tells me the news.
My worst case scenario is a degenerative neuro disease that will eventually kill me and it terrifies me...
thoughts?