View Full Version : My day after a disturbing morning wake up.
So as I posted this morning...I woke up not great. I had a moment of panic and like everything had caved in on me as I woke. Felt like I was floating in oblivion with nothing but my hearing for senses. I decided to open all curtains and let as much light into my house as possible. I put the water and heating on and popped on a dvd whilst having a search on youtube for distraction. I got ready and had an awareness that I felt alot more "with it" today. I felt less connected to my internal and external bodily sensations and felt "ok". I read the wonderful letter by a fellow member on the forum called-a letter to myself-NOTHING WORKS (weebly?) it really is an amazing letter and puts things that.. yes I am already aware of.. back into perspective. It is just so hard for me after a panic attack to continue the next day. I feel that it takes all I have from me and I just want to curl up into a ball until it all goes away. We all know that this never works. So I got dressed and headed to the local castle. It was very grey,muddy and damp and to be totally honest..quite a depressing atmosphere down there in general but I was determined to walk the perimeter anyway. I must of looked abit weird because the only people out were welly-wearers walking their dogs and I was walking along in ballet pumps..to which one lady who passed said "I thought you weren't wearing any shoes" lol. I decided to sit on a bench by the ducks pond and sat trying to take it all in for a good ten minutes before returning to my car. I have since came home and am knitting and watching dvds. I do feel less foggy but I still have an uneasiness and feel quite down..although this is probably weather related. If I do happen to have fleeting moments or seconds more like...of normality.. shall we say. I always seem to get a negative thought of how weird my life has become..8 weeks ago I was a regular and functioning 26 year old with a full time job,new car and the world at my feet. Now I have been reduced to a practical hermit who can't even pop to the shop without fear. I get so sad when I think of this and worry that it is permanent. I know we need to bat away these negative thoughts but I just wonder how we know that we are going to come through? Everyone on this forum deserves the biggest amount of happiness. Something so misunderstood by others is a daily hell that we have to battle. Because we don't show it on the outside then people seem to think it has no significance. I still put my make up on and wear nice clothes so no one seems to think there is a thing wrong. Sometimes I could just scream that I so often feel like I am in a living hell. Even today...yes I feel better...but I am still not me!
Also now that the anxiety seems less...I feel kinda down. Anyone?
Hi there ,
I was deeply moved by your post and felt genuine empathy for you . I went through something similar , the wakening up feeling numb but pushing through it , feeling "just there " enough to carry on through the day . I dont know when exactly I got better but I did . I read and read many self help books , clair weeks , and a host of Loouise Hay and House books , Wayen Dyer etc .
I found the Linen Method very good ( copy from a fellow forum member) . One book I found excellent and believe it worked for me was " Mind Body prescription by John Sarno (my whole body ached with anxiety . )
I tried Budha teachings but didnt have time to stay in a trance but I do believe it quiets the mind and body , they are linked very much so . If i feel a churning stomach these days I ask myself what am I thinking about thats causing this and this is usually enough to dissipate it .
One may ask why I am back after some Months , well I got a new job in a customer facing role and I don't like it one bit and some old rotten feelings raised thier ugly head again , but I at least know why I am feeling bad , I am still not good at facing lots of people but feel fine otherwise .
I hope you find peace .
Tom
Tamo....I used the Lindon method years ago and it helped me then until my anxiety got worse again this year.
Lu...Pleased you managed to get out and do something even if it was a bit daunting for you. I went to the docs and he gave me a sick note until 5th November than suggested a phased return if I am okay to go back then. Have kept myself trying to do as much housework as I could manage. Hope we both wake up tomorrow better than we did today xx
I am so glad that you managed to get out today and are feeling a little better tonight. You are so right when you describe it as "living in hell".That is exactly the way I used to feel. And the fact that no one can even begin to imagine how you are feeling on the inside makes everything even worse. I know it sounds awful but I used to wish that I had something like cancer instead of anxiety, because then people might be a bit more understanding. As bad as I felt, and as hard as it was to get to work, I used to find that most of the time it actually helped. It was never as bad as I imagined it to be once I got there. Of course I did have some really bad days and I dont know how I used to get through an 8 hour shift feeling the way I did. Once I got in the car I would cry and scream all the way home.
I dont know if it will be of any help to you, but after years of talking to psychologists, attending anxiety management courses and counselling, I finally went on a 16 week course of Acceptance and Committment Therapy. They worked from a book which at the time didnt seem to make a lot of sense to me, but after the course was over and I had time to digest the book I found it really did help. The book was called "Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life" by Spencer Smith and Steven Hayes. It focused on acceptance of all thoughts and feelings and doing the things that were really important to you and also on mindfulness. Hope you have a better day tomorrow.
Lu I would have loved to come with you for a mooch round that castle today - one of my favourite things on earth is meandering round ruins, castles etc :D I'm sure that you're probably right about the weather - SAD (seasonal affective disorder) is a recognised thing now after all, and I know that I felt more positive this morning while it was sunny here than I did this afternoon once it started to rain. Also I can relate to the feeling down after feeling anxious thing, which I think is perfectly normal, as it takes such a lot of energy & resources to be anxious that the body gets at a low ebb, physically, which in turn makes the mind sluggish.
I think you did really well to get out today, when you didn't feel like it, so give yourself a hug from me, and a pat on the back :)
Thanks for all your replies everyone. I definitely feel more positive this evening and due to skipping my afternoon nap (partly because of my weird experience this morning and partly due to wanting to be able to survive the day without having the routine of a 2 year old) I have spent my evening knitting and watvhing Family guy :)
I have notived positive things today like less awareness of watching myself and focusing on sensations. I even went out without filling up my trusty water bottle lol. A funny little habit that is supposedly a common one in anxiety sufferers. I amSO tired this evening but really have a more positive outlook for tomorrow. It doesn't help with the weather and the fact that options are limited in the working week of things to do and places to go. Sick of shopping! (never thought I'd see the day) sick of my entire ipod discography and most dvds lol. I too have a fortnight off and am hoping to be back in work early Nov. This all of course is down to how well I power through any anxiety I will be facing this week! If I can maintain how I am feeling currently then it's workable. When I am deep in...I feel like thee is no way out and there is no way I could go out or attempt anything because things do really get so alien. I think my reaction to my scary morning experience was a positive one because I had planned the night before to walk today and I still did exactly that!!!
Hi, good for you today, I just wanted to comment I have done the exact same thing with the water bottle since my anxiety started bout 8 weeks ago, I thot it was just me and am so glad someone else has carried about their water, I found I couldnt go out without it the first few weeks as I had the tight throat symptom, hope tomorrow a little easier on us all x:yesyes:
i carry the water bottle around with me too lol, it makes me feel calmer, why, i have no idea lol. I know its hard to believe right now, but life wont always feel this way, i have found that if i keep trying to figure out what is wrong and how do i fix it, it just makes me even more anxious, i think our minds are totally exhausted with all the constant worry and if we really want to heal our minds we need to find a way to give it some peace, i have stopped googling symptoms and i have stopped fighting the way i feel all the time, if i feel scared i just allow it to be there and i dont let it scare me, as soon as you let is scare you, zap, adrenalin floods you and off we go again. If i feel panicky i hold my breath for 10 seconds, take a normal breath then do it again for 10 seconds, this allows the oxygen levels to go back to normal and helps with the spaced out feeling. I also do my deep breathing every night and morning as soon as i wake up. Ignore all your symptoms, just tell yourself, it doesnt matter, all these things i am doing seem to really be making a difference. xx
One thing I try to do is self talk . When I'm " IN THERE " as in in my thoughts i try to talk my way out " get out of there Tom " . i believe its the incessant mind chatter that makes me worse , I try to let my body go floppy , let it all go . I try to just BE without thinking . Its hard but it works if persevered with . I am convinced we get better when we get out of there and forget US , sort of .but be kind to You/us /me
I am annoyed at ME for letting this hellish feeling creep back in but now its time to do what i learned years ago AGAIN .
Well done for going out a walk .As the poster above said " pat your back and hug you "
Tom thats exactly right, its the mind chatter that does it to us, its that, that we need to learn to "quiet"
---------- Post added at 21:29 ---------- Previous post was at 21:26 ----------
have you upped your cit Lu?
Yes Tom I agree too, the chatter wrecks me, I just dread every morning when I think have to fight the fear of the symptoms today again and cant stop thinking this, does anyone relate to pains in the back/shoulder blades, some shooting pains in chest and now hip pain has started, sick of this
yes i get the neck and shoulder and chest pain too, i find lying on my bed and ding deep breathing and clenching the muscles starting from the toes and work your way up, tense for 10 secs then relax, it really works for me. x
I get terrible pains in my back and shoulder blades. Yesterday when I went to the physio about my foot i asked him to do my back as well :)
Thanks, I never seem to talk to anyone that has these symptoms, Ive started having hip pain in the last week and sometimes goes to the back of my thigh, I cant honestly beleive this is all anxiety, had it years ago but with no symptoms, think thats what is keeping me from getting over this is the scariness of the pains, neverending!:wacko:
ps have had two back massages which have been quite good tho i find they really push into my chest and its a crushing feeling for about a day afterwards, then the mind wonders again, yes laura have tried the deep breathing and it defo helps,I wonder Annie if the physio any better than a norm back massage x
Physio was a lot better than a normal massage for loosening the muscles but it really hurt. My physio does mobilisation techniques and deep therapeutic massage so it is really good to get rid of the tension in the muscles caused by anxiety. My back feels a lot better today. Just for relaxation though I would recommend aromatherapy massage.
I used to love the back massages my physiotherapist gave me when I was having treatment. My upper back/shoulder muscles are always rock-hard, and she used to really give them some welly, lol.
I urge you to read dr j sarno materials on TMS. Cured my body pain.
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