PDA

View Full Version : A year of hell



IanB
07-08-06, 22:27
Hi to you all. I hope that you will bare with me and read my tale.

Last year (September 2005) my mother died and I took it really badly. I took nearly 6 months off work. My doctor diganosed me with 'Low mood due to recent bereavement' and put me on Citalopram.

The counsellor that my company sent me to (paid for only 6 sessions!) said that I was suffering from 'depression due to work related stress, brought about by recent bereavement'. She belived that I had been suffering this for around 3 or 4 years.

I can't remember much of what I did during September through to December, (besides a lot of crying and sitting around doing nothing, and suffering an anxiety attack in the middle of a super market). I was due to return to work on the 3rd of January. On New Years Eve I had another attack when I realised I would never be able to wish my mother a happy new year.

In the middle of January, my eldest daughter (13 at the time) tried to take an overdose. The causes she gave were her grandmothers death, pressures at school and worrying about me being off work.

I finally managed to return to work at the end of February.

In the middle of March, I discovered that my wife (of 17 years) was starting an affair with a work mate. In the middle of May it came to a head. She left our family home on a Friday afternoon to spend the weekend with him. This was devastating to myself and our three children. We didn't know what to do with ourselves. The previous week,due to the stress of knowing that she wanted another man, and not knowing what to do about it, had caused me to return to our doctor. She put me on Lofepramine and referred me to the local community psychiatric team nurse. My wife returned on the Sunday and we tried to talk things through. That was until she discovered that I had changed the locks to the house (on the advice of well meaning friends). After drinking a half bottle of spirits, (neat!), she fell asleep. The following night she collapsed. The paramedics were called and stated that they could not find anything physical wrong with her, but suspected that her mind had just shut down. She went to our doctor, who also referred local community psychiatric team (same team, different nurse). She was diagnosed as suffering from depression, brought about my mothers death (who she was very close to), our daughters attempted suicide and my depression. She has spent the last two months off work herself.

Last week she returned to work and this Saturday I discovered that she secretly met her lover again.

On top of it all, three weeks ago, my company made me see the company doctor. The report that she submitted suggested that I was not likley to return to work until the winter. The following week I was asked to attend a meeting with my manager and the HR manager. It was suggested to me that should consider a career change and that I would be going on to half pay (more stress).

Thank you for reading this far. If you have any advice for me, it will be gratefully recieved. This morning I woke wishing that I was dead and thinking about suicide, but tonight I now know that there are people out there that can help me and there are others that have been through a lot worst.
:( [8)] :( [8)] :( [8)] :( [8)] :(

kym
07-08-06, 22:36
hi Ian, what an awful time youve had, i cant imagine how bad your feeling but please dont think of suicide, you have your 3 children who need you, you will get lots of help, support, and great advice from this site, i only wish i knew how to help you more, i really feel for you, things will get better for you and your family, its just gonna take time. feel free to post to me any time, take care. kym

clickaway
07-08-06, 22:43
Hello Ian.

Firstly, I am so glad you have found this site and have posted here. You really have been through some hell, but you will find others here that can relate to elements of your story.

I got bad and was put on sick for a year, before I was made redundant and with a very early retirement. So financially, I saw myself as being very lucky. And like you I was given some counselling funded by my firm and also saw their doctor.

If it will be a few months before you are likely to get back into paid work, I would urge you to have some kind of structure to your day, but I know that is difficult. Have some kind of target and try and avoid just laying in bed and moping around on the settee.

You may find that a local chairity shop may welcome you to do a few hours a week, and can be very flexible in their approach. Until recently, I worked in one as an extra pair of hands so if I was having a bad day I could not turn up and the shop still functioned. I only did 1 to 4 one day a week.

Anyway, you will meet others on here, and we are here to help.

Take Care,

Ray


http://www.anxietyrelease.org.uk/

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
~Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers

alexis
07-08-06, 22:52
Hi Ian, what a bad time you are having, my husband has just left me after having an affair after 25 years, I know all too well whet it does to your esteem etc. It would be nice if you could sort things out , hopefully you will find lots of help and support on here, take care.xxxx

polly daydream
07-08-06, 23:41
Hi Ian and welcome to the forum. Sorry you are having such a terrible time, you have been through so much, never think of suicide sweet, your children need there dad around. You will meet some great people on here who will support you where they can, me included.

Take care,

Polly

Eclipse
08-08-06, 07:43
Hi Ian,
Welcome to this big, friendly neighbourhood for starters!!
You'll find the people on here are amazingly supportive.

I'm really sorry to hear you've had such a bad time of it, you must be physically & mentally drained after such a rough time.

It sounds as though your dear mum was a real linchpin in relation to your family and that everybody loved her a lot & has been effected by her passing.

Have you considered family counselling (as a group) instead of all trying to battle along dealing with things individually?
I just thought, that way it might make each of you more aware of the others feelings & the different ways in which it has effected you as a family unit and as individuals.

I don't know if that will be of any help or not but am afraid I have no other constructive suggestions to offer.

I just hope for your, and your family's sake that you find something to help pull you all back together.

Keep us all in the picture & best wishes to you

Magz
XX

IanB
08-08-06, 08:57
Thank you all for the kind words.

I was at a real low yesterday, but after surfing the site and reading other peoples stories, I started to feel better in myself.

I know that its a long road I have to travel, but I will get there in the end.

I also found it helpful by going into the chat room. The friendly banter helped to lift my spirits.

I hope that one day I can be as supportive and help someone as I have been helped here

:)

giddy
08-08-06, 08:59
Welcome to the forum Ian. So sorry to hear you've had a bad time of it. You'll find lots of support on here.
love Helen

hayles
08-08-06, 09:01
Ian, I dont really have a great deal of advice.
But i want to send a very warm welcome and a big Hug

Hay x

trac67
08-08-06, 10:46
Hi Ian,

Welcome to the forum, you will get a lot of good advice here and make some new friends.

Take care

Trac xx

'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'

manmoor
08-08-06, 12:08
Hi Ian,

A big warm welcome to you.

Take Care
Mandy
xx

Southern_Belle
08-08-06, 15:48
Hi Ian,

I am sorry you have so much on your plate right now, finding this site will really help you. You will gain so much information and make many friends here. The chat room is a great place to go to talk about your problems and yes get a laugh or two. Please don't think about suicide, that will only bring many more tears. My thoughts are with you and your family and I do hope things start looking brighter for you.

Bel

"Our thoughts are our reality"

wobily_lin
08-08-06, 17:55
Hi Ian,

Aww hugs to you mate, We met in chat last night. Someone from my own town eh... wicked.lol.

I know things are tough right now and you have all been through a terrible time of late.

A big welcome to the site mate. Glad to have you on board. There are some lovely ppl here and you will get great support too.

Please feel free to pm or email me if you need to anytime ok..

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxx

Take care,

Lin.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

IanB
09-08-06, 12:09
Ray

Thank you for the advice. I do have trouble getting going, it seems my motivation has got up and gone.

Part of my problem is that I am an early riser (a throw back to my days in the RAF) and I don't like to do anything that could disturb the rest of the household. Am I being too selfless? Should I be more selfish?

I even have trouble doing the basic things like shaving and showering. I can see that the house looks like bomb site in a rubbish tip, but the wife isn't doing anything about it either (a product of her depression?), so I think 'why should I bother'

When I first went off in September, I started decorating the hall, landing and stairs. To date I have only managed to strip the wood work bare, and sand down 3 walls. Everything seems to be too much of an effort.

I worry every day about going back to work, but never get the guts to do anything about it.

I was originally going to send this as a PM to you, but now thought that everyone else may benefit from it.

nomorepanic
09-08-06, 19:23
Hi Ian

Welcome aboard and lovely to see you here.

Hope we can be of some help and you will meet some fab people on here.

Sorry to hear about all you have been through and I just know that you will be a stronger person because of it.

Good luck on getting things back on track.

Nicola

Suzi26
09-08-06, 22:37
Hi Ian im sorry and sad to read your story its sounds awful for you. My parents seperated through simular situation but i was the one that found out my dad was unfaithful. Ihad to break it to my mum twice.
But 5 years on they are living togetheras friends and working things out slowly for the grandchildren and themselves. I was depressed b4 this happened been in a violent relationship and suffered badly. I thought i would never be happy again. But with medication and time my life is fine nowand im happy. Things do get better. Please goand seek help speak to your doctor about local groups even try yoga and relaxation it all helps. Keep your head up, this time next year your be a much better person trust me..xx Suzi

suzanne
10-08-06, 16:37
Hi Ian

Your story is so sad its no wonder you are suffering. Im no expert, but i have had 2 marraige breakups the last one was awful i never thought i would come through it or at least sane. Time is a great healer (how many times have you heard that).

What ever happens you have your children you must be strong for them.

Take care
suzanne:D

s shaw