View Full Version : Second time on Citalopram - 8 weeks in even worse :(
dogsandtea
14-10-12, 23:32
Hi everyone,
I'm new here so hello!
Basically I was on Citalopram 20 mg for 3 and a half years. I was totally fine, great, so great I decided to try and come down (and eventually off.) I went down to 10mg but never had the guts to come off completely. Anyway, over the next few months of being on 10mg, I began to slip back into old ways and feel very anxious and worried... and even having panic attacks again, for the first time in years (i thought id forgotten how to have them :(!)
7 and a half weeks ago, me (and the dr) decided I should go back up again to 20mg. I honestly feel MUCH WORSE than I did even on 10mg. I feel like I am going mental, having panic attacks every day, worrying and obsessing over dying/my health and generally not coping at all and just WISHING so much I never ever came down in the first place :weep:
Has anybody else experienced this when going up for the 2nd time? Should it be working by now? I know it can take up to 6 weeks but I actually can't even bear to take it anymore. The past week I have been waking up in the night panicking and feeling so bizarre. It's awful. I have not felt this bad since life before Citalopram!
I am now too scared to take it tonight, shall I start taking 10mg until I can talk to the dr?
Hi,
I've had a similar experience but with Prozac I was on it for 7 years - 40mg then 20mg then took about 10mg a day for about 3 years and was fine. Started feeling more anxious and miserable earlier this year and increased to 20mg again - stuck at that for a month, then went up to 40mg and was worse. Thats over 6 months ago and since then I've dropped the dose lower and lower and felt better with each reduction (until now - when I feel crap again!)
Anyway, what I wanted to say is that everyone is different and no one will know what will work for you but change doses slowly - increase or decreases. It's baby steps all the way to recover from anxiety. Try to stop questioning why, how long etc and accept that at the moment thats how you feel, no matter how bad that is. Don't fight it or question it, whats done is done with the med dosage just accept it (and yes I'm much better at giving advice than i am at listening to my own advice :))
Take the dose tonight that you feel is right for you, to be honest its not going to make any great difference within the next 3 days or so. Medication is only a part of the recovery - have you looked into therapy, diet, relaxation?
Take care
Sam
dogsandtea
15-10-12, 00:41
Thanks so much for your reply. Your experience sounds very similar.
I am seeing my DR on Wednesday so I was tempted to not take any until then. I know I need to take some really, but I am back at work tomorrow after 2 weeks off ill (hospital with a kidney infection, doesn't pick the best time :unsure:) and i'm already nervous about that, so really don't want to feel this insanely panicky at work after taking 20mg tonight. If I feel okay tomorrow I was thinking I will miss my dose tonight, and take 10mg tomorrow.
I am going for CBT soon, in a few weeks hopefully. I had a psychiatric assesment and my anxiety is classed as severe (21/22) i think it was? With OCD tenancies and mild depression. But I really feel like I can't cope till even then. Feeling this bad makes me tempted to quit my job, leave my flat (i live in central London which is not the most relaxing place in the world), leave my boyfriend and go and stay with my parents up North. Which I know is the worst thing I could do and I can't just give up my life but it feels tempting.
I've been worrying about really silly things like, that I am allergic to things (including citalopram) and food, etc. I have been getting better with that though and have been eating more now. Though that did start once I was on the upped dose.
I just want to be normal again :scared15: I really thought by 7-8 weeks it would work again. The first time I took it it worked quicker than that :weep:
---------- Post added at 23:41 ---------- Previous post was at 23:37 ----------
I also joined a gym today (which made me anxious) to try and do some exercise as I hear this helps. Hopefully it will...
I just feel 'at a loss'
In hospital with a kidney infection :doh: you must be so low and run down, that's why the panic is so bad at the mo. As you recover from that, your panic will subside too.
I would not stop the Citalopram just like that, continue taking 10mg or 20mg every 36 until you've seen your doc.
I read somewhere that physical illness makes us unable to absorb the SSRI's - i don't know how reliable that was but I have a virus at the mo - and have been unwell on and off for 6 weeks or so and am more anxious now than i have been for ages. So it may not be a sign that the Cit isn't working but just that your depleted because of your illness.
Well done for joining the gym, exercise is great but only if your feeling well physically - if you still have any touch of a temperature - take it very easy in there. and drink lots - anxiety is always worse when you're dehydrated.
Have you read any Claire Weeks books, she is an australian dr who writes about panic disorder. She instructs never to question why, how long and when will i get better - that is adding to the fear, try to accept that this is how you feel today because your nerves are sensitised. It doesn't feel nice but it is just a feeling. Try to go to work, luckily I'm off until Wednesday and I am not looking forward to working feeling as I do but I know if I get there I will be distracted and feel better.
Try to stick it out until this episode of anxiety has lessened - and it will, it may take days or weeks but it will. Then re evaluate if you want to stay in London.
PM if you want to chat more - i forget which posts I've written on and may not see your reply
:hugs:Sam
dogsandtea
15-10-12, 11:34
I read somewhere that physical illness makes us unable to absorb the SSRI's - i don't know how reliable that was but I have a virus at the mo - and have been unwell on and off for 6 weeks or so and am more anxious now than i have been for ages. So it may not be a sign that the Cit isn't working but just that your depleted because of your illness.
Well done for joining the gym, exercise is great but only if your feeling well physically - if you still have any touch of a temperature - take it very easy in there. and drink lots - anxiety is always worse when you're dehydrated.
Have you read any Claire Weeks books, she is an australian dr who writes about panic disorder. She instructs never to question why, how long and when will i get better - that is adding to the fear, try to accept that this is how you feel today because your nerves are sensitised. It doesn't feel nice but it is just a feeling. Try to go to work, luckily I'm off until Wednesday and I am not looking forward to working feeling as I do but I know if I get there I will be distracted and feel better.
That is interesting about the SSRI's not working properly when ill, I guess that could make sense! Especially coupled with the fact that hospital is a pretty terrifying experience with someone with anxiety/panic attacks!
I am at work now, I still have a cold (after all that illness, typical to get a cold!) but am feeling much better that I came, I was up until 4am really anxious about coming. It's always worse for me in the afternoons after eating at lunch (I've had a thing about eating for a while now) so hopefully I wont get panicky after I've eaten.) and I get a tight throat etc. How is work for you? Do you feel like you can cope better when at work?
I read online that some people with panic attacks find it hard to exercise because the physical signs of exercising your body are similar to that of a panic attack (eg. heart racing, getting out of breath, sweating) which I did find quite difficult last night when I worked out, but I hope I can get over this and realize I won't have a heart attack and it's good for me :shrug:
Yes I have heard of Claire Weeks but never read her famous book. I should get myself a copy really. I hear good things about it a lot. I guess I have found it hard with 'self help' in the past. I am the kind of person who feels like I need to hear it from others.
dogsandtea - your experiences sounds very very similar to mine. I was on Cit for around 3 or 4 years and then decided to come off them slowly. The old anxieties came back but a million times worse. This was a combination of it being the wrong time to do it and the withdrawal because even though I thought I'd come down slowly, it wasn't slowly enough.
I'm back on again and the side effects have been awful, much worse than the first time. I'm 4 weeks in, feeling slightly better, but still a long way to go. I'm currently fighting a bladder infection (nowhere near as bad as your kidney infection I should add!)....but it's been hard dealing with double worry.
Samhar70 - It's really interesting that illness might make it harder to absorb the tablets. The Claire Weeks books also sound good, I'm going to check those out.
little scientist
15-10-12, 20:04
Ditto Ally (but minus the bladder infection!).
I was on citalopram for around 3 years I think, then decided with my doctor to come off them this year. I don't think I did it too quickly, but maybe it was too fast.....who knows. At the time I felt great in life and felt like it was the right time to come off the meds. But I also had impending job security issues so in a way it was silly to come off them at that time. I went back on citalopram at the end of August, so am about 6 weeks in now I think.
Like you, when I came off the citalopram, the anxieties were back but so so much worse. It was like the negative thoughts were shouting and screaming in my head. In the end I went to my GP and was out back on the citalopram. The side effects this time round were ten times worse than when I had citalopram the first time. I was a zombie, and on one occasion had terrible terrible thoughts about myself. It was terrifying because I knew the thoughts simply weren't me talking.
6 weeks in though and I am doing quite a bit better. I have a long way to go though, and need to challenge my negative thoughts with the aid of my cbt.
We all have such similar stories.... I'm so glad this forum exists.
xxx
dogsandtea
16-10-12, 11:50
Ditto Ally (but minus the bladder infection!).
I was on citalopram for around 3 years I think, then decided with my doctor to come off them this year. I don't think I did it too quickly, but maybe it was too fast.....who knows. At the time I felt great in life and felt like it was the right time to come off the meds. But I also had impending job security issues so in a way it was silly to come off them at that time. I went back on citalopram at the end of August, so am about 6 weeks in now I think.
Like you, when I came off the citalopram, the anxieties were back but so so much worse. It was like the negative thoughts were shouting and screaming in my head. In the end I went to my GP and was out back on the citalopram. The side effects this time round were ten times worse than when I had citalopram the first time. I was a zombie, and on one occasion had terrible terrible thoughts about myself. It was terrifying because I knew the thoughts simply weren't me talking.
6 weeks in though and I am doing quite a bit better. I have a long way to go though, and need to challenge my negative thoughts with the aid of my cbt.
omg, so similar. That's basically what happened to me. I came down, and then within about 1 or 2 months, got made redundant and had to move house. It was the worst timing EVER.
What kind of thoughts? Like suicidal?
I'm so scared of dying but have had weird thoughts like that too. But I think more in an anxiety way of being scared of doing it! I feel like i've been going totally mad! I took 10mg last night. I can't take the 20mg, it just seems to make me feel much worse and wake in the night. Though taking 10mg after 7/8 weeks on 20mg might just be messing with it even more. Will see what the doc says tomorrow. I really can't be bothered with changing medication to anything else, I can't take anymore sick from work :( they already said it was OK for me to go to CBT once a week but I don't want to take the piss. We are a small company and I could easily get made 'redundant' again if they wanted to. This worries me too, which doesn't help.
---------- Post added at 10:03 ---------- Previous post was at 10:00 ----------
dogsandtea - your experiences sounds very very similar to mine. I was on Cit for around 3 or 4 years and then decided to come off them slowly. The old anxieties came back but a million times worse. This was a combination of it being the wrong time to do it and the withdrawal because even though I thought I'd come down slowly, it wasn't slowly enough.
I'm back on again and the side effects have been awful, much worse than the first time. I'm 4 weeks in, feeling slightly better, but still a long way to go. I'm currently fighting a bladder infection (nowhere near as bad as your kidney infection I should add!)....but it's been hard dealing with double worry.
I can't tell if I feel better, cause I did initially feel more interested in music/art etc but then I started getting panic attacks WAY WORSE than when I was even on 10mg. Argh. Which is worse than general anxiety sort of. Now I just feel bloody fed up with the whole thing.
---------- Post added at 11:50 ---------- Previous post was at 10:03 ----------
Has anybody tried switching to Prozac/Fluoxetine from Citalopram? It's the only one (because of the long half life and less side effects when coming off) that I kind of feel like I would try if Citalopram doesn't work again.
Hi there,
As you can tell, you are not alone! by all the caring, supportive and informed advice I have just read, there isnt realy much I can add, but would support what others are saying.
The liver could well be related to absorption of medication, (question for your Doc) so sounds like the timing hasn't been great either, I know what you mean about living in London, I live in Glasgow now and it is also pretty hectic at times.
I hope things settle down for you soon, try not to make any quick decisions at the moment, cos this aint the true you right now, see Doctor, write down a few bullet points about what you wanna say before you go, (that helps me) and please try to slow down and not be so hard on yourself.
Hugs and best wishes,
Steph:)
I'm on Prozac dogsandtea. I tried Citalopram 20mg once - lasted 3 days, it was not for me.
The first time I was on Prozac I was depressed more than anxious when I started it (probably because I'd been anxious for 7 months and was agrophobic). Anyway I started on 5mg in liquid form and slowly increased to 40mg with no side effects at all. This time I started at 20mg - thought I was strong enough but have suffered with intolerable anxiety, sweating, shaking etc and had to take it back down, maybe it's because I wasn't depressed when I started taking it but was anxious? Who knows.
It took a long time of changing the dosing to feel right - the lower doses work much better for me so you may be right listening to your instinct that you can't tolerate 20mg.
Let us know how your Dr's visit goes
Love and hugs
Sam
dogsandtea
18-10-12, 16:04
I went to the doctor today after having the shittest week ever. Totally was freaking out constantly and was having awful thoughts about suicide (even though I'm terrified of death, hence most of my anxiety to start with!) for me, that is NOT normal, and the fact I was thinking things like that just freaked me out big time.
The dr has said maybe I was having side effects this time from 20mg but to not give up on Citalopram yet as it did work really well for me previously. She decided I should go 'back to basics' and take 10mg now for 2-3 weeks (and not miss any or be rubbish taking them..), go and see her and see how i feel, and maybe gradually increase it. OR try another drug.
The last time I dared take 20mg was Saturday night I think(?) I had terrible night and terrible few days, and did not want to take another 20mg. I took another 10mg on Monday, but not Tuesday cause I had a shit day on Monday and was scared, I started to feel a bit less drugged up and wired on Wednesday so I dared take 10mg on Wednesday which actually seemed to make me feel better, I feel ok today so have taken 10mg again, and will continue to. Hopefully i wont feel as weird and drugged up and panicky on 10mg now :(
Hey dogsandtea, glad you've been to the docs and have a bit of a plan - sounds like you've had a terrible week :-( I do think that the suicidal thoughts are a more common side effect than people think...mainly because many people understandably don't want to admit they are having those thoughts for fear that they will be put in a straight jacket!
The first time I went on Cit I had absolutely no side effects, this time I had the full works.
Hang in there, it'll get better - when you come out the other side, you'll see just how strong you've been.
little scientist
18-10-12, 19:04
The first time I went on Cit I had absolutely no side effects, this time I had the full works.
Ditto, first time round was fine, this time was worse, including thoughts of death which were terrifying! The fact I was having the thoughts scared the doodoo out of me, because I know that is completely not my character, but thankfully the thoughts were short lived and haven't recurred since.
In others news, I saw my counsellor again today. Although I came away feeling sad (I go to pieces the moment someone like a doctor ot counsellor asks how I am!) we did pick up on some useful things I think. Ultimately I put too much pressure on myself at work (and at home) and when I do, and something at work goes wrong, I turn to my default reaction of "I'm rubbish" or "where did I go wrong in this", when the nature of my job is that things can go wrong for no apparent reason (that's science for you!).
Totally agree with allys comments about feelings of suicide during the start of SSRI's. I too think they're much more common that reported and admitted to, I get them for up to 2 weeks each time I restart these drugs. Once I accept that they are just irrational thoughts and side effects of the tablets I find them easier (though still difficult) to cope with.
Keep going dogsandtea, your GP's plan sound sensible. You're get there soon, keep us posted to as how you're doing
Love Sam
dogsandtea
19-10-12, 01:17
I'm glad (well not glad you guys have had them too) that I'm not the only one who's been getting these thoughts when on these drugs. I'm terrified of dying so it was just bizarre to have the thoughts of suicide. And just not nice at all! You start to worry 'what if i actually did it!?'.. Awful!
little scientist, how do you find work with anxiety and panic attacks? Do you manage to hide it a lot? It has been happening to me at work which I find very hard to cope with, cried on the phone to the GP at lunchtime yesterday, haha :whistles:urgh, it's just stressful! But obviously would be much worse if i didn't have a job (not that i have a choice!) and had even more time alone and to think (that's what i keep telling myself..).
I still feel on the 'edge' and it is worse when i have to sleep on my own (start thinking about being dead and have panic attacks :(!), but hopefully being on 10mg for a few weeks will level me out and let me have HAPPIER thoughts, ha :noangel:.
Thanks for all the replies! :hugs:
I've been loads better recently, but feeling very on edge again today. I'm pretty sure I half-woke up a few times in the night shaking (I've been doing that a bit lately) and I'm def. a lot more anxious than usual today. At first I couldn't think for the life of me what was wrong, but it might have been the fact that I sold something yesterday that I'd inherited from one of my parents who died last year. I think maybe it have more of an effect on me than I'd bargained for.
Looking forward to the rollercoaster stopping again :) Hugs to y'all xxx
Hi Ally: Feeling same way, yesterday, pretty good (well good is a strong word isn't it where this stuff is concerned) but you know what i mean. I fell asleep after work on the coach, nice deep sleep. I could not tell you the last time I was calm enough to take a nap, now today I feel horrible again, agitated, pressure in my chest. I can never tell if its the cit or me, its scaring me. When I take the ativan, I feel okay, if not by two days without it start feeling strange.
3 weeks in, but this stuff should not make anxious people feel more anxious I don't get that. I have chronic neck and back pain too which isn't helping things.
Just want some peace. I'm sorry, I feel like I'm always saying the same thing over and over, just feel scared and fed up today and needed to talk to someone.
cos123
little scientist
19-10-12, 19:29
little scientist, how do you find work with anxiety and panic attacks? Do you manage to hide it a lot? It has been happening to me at work which I find very hard to cope with, cried on the phone to the GP at lunchtime yesterday, haha :whistles:urgh, it's just stressful! But obviously would be much worse if i didn't have a job (not that i have a choice!) and had even more time alone and to think (that's what i keep telling myself..).
Work isn't too bad, often it is a distraction from the anxiety, but if work is the cause of it then it can be bad at the same time. This week something at work caused my anxiety so that wasn't good. But like you say, I think it would be worse without the job!
---------- Post added at 19:29 ---------- Previous post was at 19:27 ----------
Just want some peace. I'm sorry, I feel like I'm always saying the same thing over and over, just feel scared and fed up today and needed to talk to someone.
cos123
No need to apologise, anxiety is not something you need to apologise for! ever. It's scary to live with god yes. And talking is what we're here for :)
dogsandtea
19-10-12, 20:01
Work isn't too bad, often it is a distraction from the anxiety, but if work is the cause of it then it can be bad at the same time. This week something at work caused my anxiety so that wasn't good. But like you say, I think it would be worse without the job!
Do you have any coping mechanisms for when anxious thoughts or panicky feelings come over you at work? I try so hard to stop them but sometimes its very difficult!
little scientist
19-10-12, 20:59
Not as yet.....I just plough on through :(
dogsandtea
20-10-12, 21:05
well if you discover some magic method! let me know! i tend to just sweat a bit, have a little walk to the loo, and a cup of tea. seems to cause a bit of distraction at least!
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