Missing my Dad

[fran43]

Hi

A member's post prompted so much feeling about her mother-in-law's death.

I lost my dad nine months ago and I worshipped him. He was caring, supportive and knew what to say at bad times. I was with him when he died and they turned off the life support. I went in daily to feed him and care for him.

Our young son (who is ten) calls his dad stupid, idiot etc and I said bluntly you only get one dad. He then said a couple of his friends had three different dads!

To me personally, they broke the mould when they made my hubby. We have been together 21 yrs and married for 20.

After the funeral he asked when my mum (who I do not like at best, beat me/emotionally abused me when young) was going to get another husband! Oh to be ten years old again with no deep worries and the world is just full of fun.

I loved my Dad so much. I was adopted, he protected me and I feel empty without his presence. I have two sisters (who are blood related (not to me obviously)) and they look and relate to things that I do not know nor understand. My "biological parents were Irish" and personally I hate my biological mother for giving me away. I see the positive ie if my "adoptive parents" had not chosen me then my life would be far different than it is right now.

My sister ran away at 15 because she thought she would be next for a beating but I did not understand that at 10 (why would I??).

If I were to win the lottery, I would give it to "whoever" to have my dad back. He knew me far better than anyone else. Some bad times of the day I feel like joining him, it would be a relief. However, my hubby and kids need me. If they were not here I would be with my dad - without a doubt.

Anyway, I think I am talking c*** but I need to vent to other NMP members how I feel.

I feel really sad, hopeless, useless etc and want the antidepressants to "kick in". Continual PA's to stop and then perhaps I will stop feeling unreal/trembling etc.

If others read my post then hugs are OK, words are better. Perhaps today is a real "down" day. I just do not know.

Anyway -

Take care of yourself and each other.

Fran XXX

[jodie]

hi fran

im so sorry you are feeling this way .

i lost my grandad a year ago tomorrow and my nana on christmass eve they were my parents since i was six weeks old and i loved them so much they were there for me when my little girl died .
i know the feeling of loss you are going through and how much you miss your dad i miss the people i have lost and just wish i could see them agane i long to hear the words my nana would say to me when i am feeling down and the way my grandad was so strong and not a care in the world .
i hope you can find a way of copeing with everthing
take care
jodie x

[polly daydream]

Hi Fran, sorry you are feeling so sad and down at the moment but give yourself time sweet, it has still only been 9 months since your dad passed away, even though you will always miss him dearly, time is a great healer and you will feel better.

Take care,

Polly x

[Coni]

Hi Fran,

just wanted to say I'm thinking of you. Pollys right...it is still really early days after your dads death and your feelings will still be very raw. I can understand how sometimes you want to be with him, but your famiy need you and your own children will really help you to get through this time (they have a way of making you smile at even the saddest of times dont they?)

Be kind to yourself Fran

Take care

Coni X

[Juliamidlands]

Hi Fran, I don't know what I can say that will help, but I am thinking of you hun xxxxxxxxx

'Never be afraid to try- remember, amateurs buit the Ark...professionals built the Titanic'

[Ma Larkin]

Hi Fran, my best mate died 2 weeks ago. I have never felt so much grief & hurt in all my life. I miss him so much, still talk to him as if he's here & feel like no-one else understands me. No-one else seemed to take it as hard as I did, not even his kids who only lost their mum 8 weeks ago. How tragic is that. Mum was killed by a drink driver when she was repping in Spain and Dad died from complications after an operation that could have been avoided. They were 45 & 46. I'm on anti-deps & have been taking them for about 3 months now, but nothing prepares you for grief. I feel like I'm back to square one again. Someone suggested bereavement counselling. I don't know whether to give it a go or not. I've had counselling in the past & felt I benefited from it so I'm thinking about it.

Don't feel like nobody needs you, you've got hubby & son who need you more than anyone.

Take care.

Les, xx

[manmoor]

Hi Fran,

My thoughts are with you as I also lost my dad.

Thinking of you

Take Care

Mandy

xx

[kazzie]

Hi Fran (((((((HUGS))))))) I lost my parents 20 years ago and i still miss them like you i was adopted so i do understand where you are coming from. Cant say anything to help really but time is a great healer and eventually you will remember the good times with your dad and the bad memories of his death etc will fade. Thinking of you, take care luv kaz x

[mia0621]

Hi,

Sorry about your loss. My dad died years ago, and I still have my mother. Most of the memories of my dad were not happy ones, but he was still my dad and I loved him just the same. My mom was rarely there for me, but I still visit her and try to help her. You do only get one of each. You were blessed to have such a wonderful father figure in your life. How beautiful to have so many good memories about him. You are right, your family needs you,especially your children. I am pretty sure your father would want you to be there for them just as he was there for you. Share your wonderful memories of him with them.

Take care and God bless you and your family,

Mia

[lizmarshall]

I lost my mum 4 years ago on 16th Aug, i still miss her soooooo much and prob will for always but time is a great healer and it does get easier.

I know how you feel.

take care

Liz

[Eclipse]

Hi Fran,
I, like everyone else, am sorry you feel so low at the moment (and had such an unhappy time in your younger years)

As you said yourself, you were chosen by your adoptive parents and that shows just how much you were loved and wanted.

Having posted similarly about my dad recently - one thing amazes me.

This forum is full of people from all walks of life, different countries, suffering from different anxieties - most of us are strangers.

Yet there is more compassion and support on this site than in most communities out on the streets...............and we're regarded as the social 'misfits'. They have no idea!!!!

To reiterate something mia0621 mentioned - your dad would want you to be there for your family, as he was for you.

Who better to keep the good times and his memory alive than the daughter who loved him so much!

Take care
Magz
XXXXXX

[fran43]

Thanks to everyone for their kind and supportive words.

I do get many days when life gets too much. I know I have a mum but I have never got on with her because of the abuse. She also told me that she was divorcing my dad a week before he suddenly when into hospital.

She did the same on holiday two years ago. She told me that she was divorcing him but she had not told him.

Considering she lives not far from us, she has never made the effort to know her grandchildren. I find that sad.

I know my 18yr old daughter is very young to have a baby (the baby is due on 22nd December, my son's birthday on 29th December. My dad died 19 December. I would like to think I will be a good nan (I wish I was a little older but our 10yr old thinks it cool to be a Uncle at ten!).

I am a waiting list of bereavement counselling and hopefully that will happen sooner rather than later. I know it is going to open wounds and try to knock down the brick wall I have created. I know I look at death so different and then start worrying about everyone else who I am close to and feel like my mind races.

As I have posted before I am dealing with recovery from anorexia and addiction to tranquillisers. So all of these issues are very powerful on behaviour, both physically and mentally.

I have eight days left in the USA and in many ways am looking forward to returning home. I have done little but theme parks and had rest days that are not restful. I feel the real work can begin once I get to the UK but have to deal with four flights and flying causes PA's big time.

Once again, thank you for replying to my post. I really appreciate it and it is well received. I know I have posted "free thought" but I have just come back from queues, feeling unreal and over anxious and 9 hours at a theme park and I am beat!

Take care of yourself and each other.

Fran XX

[alisongates]

hi there,
I lost ,my dad over 2 years ago. there isn't a day that goes past that i dont think of him in some way. I loved him dearly, when he was dying i could not go into the room, i find it hard to forgive myself for that. I just sat outside and put some fairies with him to protect him on his journey. I can only wish and hope that he is free of pain and happy now and smiling down on me, just as im sure as your dad is for you and looking after you from afar.
kind thought s and hugs x

[jackie]

fran you are right you were so lucky to be chosen by such a wonderful dad and nothing i can say can make this loss seem less.

be glad that you had him and your memories of him are so great

you are blessed by him, he would not want you to jion him, but to live as he did, every day is a blessing

take care and loook at your memories not the memories of his blood daughters. he chose you and loved you when he did not have to. that makes you special does it not?

jackie