Mind's a mess, do I need meds?

[Ferry1995]

I've been adamant to fight this without meds as I really didn't like the idea of facing the side effects, then eventually coming off them, but i've honestly reached the stage where I don't really know what to do, I feel out of sorts, my mind just views things that used to look normal and happy as dark and scary, I think i'm about to lose it at any second, I'm scared eventually I'll hurt or kill somone or be sectioned and never get to see my friends or family, I kinda know deep down this is all anxiety and the worst that will happen is that I feel apsoloutely devestated, I just kinda close off, I'm scared the derealisation will get worse if I panic more :(

I don't understand exactly what my problem is, time keeps passing by in such a weird manner, I keep forgetting what I did the previous day, or the previous week unless I really focus, and sometimes I look at things and they just don't look right... I've had a few CBT sessions but they were just introductary so we haven't really got into things yet, she's just asked me for this week that every day I need to pick a "toxic" or "unhelpful" thought and write about it, I can't see how this CBT can help, I don't feel "with it" enough, should I take meds? I took 20mg clomipramine before and it helped a little, but I think this was a pretty insanely low dose, I'm not sure exactly what the meds would do to help? should I request them? or wait for the cbt to really get working, or mabye a mixture of both, i'm seeing my psychiatrist today, I'm not sure what to ask him, am I going mad? I'm just scared i'm going to end up snapping and becoming a hysterical mess....

[Edward_1980]

I've been adamant to fight this without meds as I really didn't like the idea of facing the side effects, then eventually coming off them, but i've honestly reached the stage where I don't really know what to do, I feel out of sorts, my mind just views things that used to look normal and happy as dark and scary, I think i'm about to lose it at any second, I'm scared eventually I'll hurt or kill somone or be sectioned and never get to see my friends or family, I kinda know deep down this is all anxiety and the worst that will happen is that I feel apsoloutely devestated, I just kinda close off, I'm scared the derealisation will get worse if I panic more :(

I don't understand exactly what my problem is, time keeps passing by in such a weird manner, I keep forgetting what I did the previous day, or the previous week unless I really focus, and sometimes I look at things and they just don't look right... I've had a few CBT sessions but they were just introductary so we haven't really got into things yet, she's just asked me for this week that every day I need to pick a "toxic" or "unhelpful" thought and write about it, I can't see how this CBT can help, I don't feel "with it" enough, should I take meds? I took 20mg clomipramine before and it helped a little, but I think this was a pretty insanely low dose, I'm not sure exactly what the meds would do to help? should I request them? or wait for the cbt to really get working, or mabye a mixture of both, i'm seeing my psychiatrist today, I'm not sure what to ask him, am I going mad? I'm just scared i'm going to end up snapping and becoming a hysterical mess....

I think you will have to speak to the Psychiatrist today and see what he suggests. With all you are going through at the moment (And that seems a lot), he may decide that a mixture of both CBT and medication will be a good idea. Don't worry, you are suffering severe anxiety and it is best if you go today and explain all your thoughts and symptoms. I wish you luck and don't forget to let us know how you get on. I know I'm not much help, but the Doctor today is much more qualified and will decide the best course of action :)

[Annie0904]

Sometimes I think we have to take meds to help us through this. It is an illness and you would take meds for any other illness so why not this one? I would discuss it with your psychiatrist today and see what they advise. I would keep going with the cbt. I had some sessions where I just sat and cried but it did help me in the end.

[Harley]

Hi Ferry, first of all to give you some assurance, you are not going mad, and you will not be sectioned. I actually voluntarily omitted myself into a psychiatrict ward. Believe me nothing happened. After a week they just sent me home. Secondly, anxiety can only reacha certain level, it cannot harm you, our anxiety system is there to protect us, not to harm us. Its just that your is running on red alert at the moment and there is actually no tiger chasing you, if you see what I mean.
I can only speak from my own experience, and believe me, I was bad. I was on cloriparmine, combined with therapy. I had to take this drug in very high doses but apart from a constant dry mouth, I did not suffer any other side effects. Eventually, when I came off it, I did this very slowly over a long period of time, and I did not suffer any withdrawal symptoms. Also, it was a few months before I started to see the effects of the drug, but for me, it really did help.
I did try therapy but without the drugs my anxiety was too high to take on board what I was being taught. The thoughts of whether to take drugs or not would cause me so much anxiety but in the end I had to trust what the psychiatrist was offering and I did go on to make a full recovery. I have been off drugs for almost 3 years now. I am happy to help with anything I can. I know how horrible the condition is. Like someone on here said, it is just like living in hell every minute of every day.

[Tessar]

Ferry; I agree with everyone else here that taking meds does help us through this and it is an illness. Just a week ago i was in the same quandry; do i or dont i take prozac? well in the end i "caved in" and am taking it now. initially it felt like a failing on my part but as others have pointed out to me - that is not the case and it is an illness.
I found CBT a life-changing experience. it takes time so try to be patient. just getting what the hell they are on about can take a while. once you begin to recognise the way that negative thought patterns work, you will start to understand some of the way your mind works. at that point you can begin to change things.
i have found i dont always get it right & sometimes i slip back into my old ways of thinking. but underneath it all, the skills i learned really have paid off. so try to hang in there.

[Ferry1995]

Thanks Guys, this has really given me something to be positive about, I guess you're right that nothing can really happen to me other than feeling utterly despondent, i'm going to talk to the phsychiatrist about this today, then head to my GP tomorrow and have another try on clomipramine as it's helped in the past, but this time I might try a higher dose, my dad was on 100mg for years for health anxiety and it helped him within 2 weeks.

[Harley]

Ferry, I can only repeat what I said earlier. I tried several SSRIs and came to the conclusions that they were not right for me. Clomipramine was offered so initially I took it for almost a year and found a great improvement. I then made the mistake of thinking I was well. I had run out of the drugs so I decided to just stop. Within a couple of weeks the symptoms had returned. I went on trying without it for almost a year until I was so fed up of having no life that I decided to take the psychiatrists advice and give it another go. I remember it was the beginning of the school holidays, I was having difficulty functioning through the day, not helped by the guilt I felt that I should be focusing my attention on my children. But by the end of the holiday I was feeling so much better and by Christmas I was almost back to normal. I am not saying that the drugs are a cure, and they are certainly not an answer. But sometimes I think we need a little help. And they certainly helped me to put into practice all the techniques that I had been taught. Good luck this afternoon and I hope you soon feel better.:hugs:

---------- Post added at 18:17 ---------- Previous post was at 15:02 ----------

Hi, I have been thinking about you today, how did you get on today? Hope you managed to get some positive results. I dont know where abouts you live in the country but I am in Dorset and we have a brilliant unit called The Intensive Therapy Unit, which provides numerous types of therapy for all kinds of anxiety and depression. I had to fight to get onto a course, but it certainly helped me and the fight was well worth it.

[Edward_1980]

I have also been thinking about you. Please let us know how you got on today :)

[Ferry1995]

Thanks for your replies/concern guys, it really means a lot at this time.

I'm back, and he's just been answering my questions really today, I effectively asked him, is this memory loss normal, is it normal to have distorted perception on the world, are the headaches, dizziness all normal, he said it occurs in most anxiety patients, something I already knew but it was quite comforting coming from a professional, I asked him have any anxiety sufferers ever gone mad or killed somone, again, he said there's never been any recorded cases, so again, some comfort there, he told me i've become so desensitized to bad thoughts, that it's hard to differentiate when they creep in to when i'm normal, hence I have this constant high level of anxiety, anyway, he's going to have words with his team tomorrow and they're going to see what they can do about getting me some meds, but it might still be a week or so, so in the meantime he's given me some things to do, mindfulness, breathing techniques, muscle relaxation and controlled daydreaming, so i'll have to look into all of that and see if it helps, just about taking it a day at a time, i've got quite a busy day tomorrow, same applies for friday, so I guess it's just about solidering on for the moment.

[Edward_1980]

Well done for expressing all your fears to him today. You did really well asking these questions and I hope that your mind is a little at ease now. Don't worry about medication. He will consult his team, like you said, and they will do what is best for you in the long run. I hope these next few days will be OK for you. I will be thinking about you. Hang in there and things will work out :)