Asking for help when things are really bad

[Lovemyfriends]

After a rubbish summer (hence no postings) things have got progressively worse, although on the outside people think I'm doing OK. I've got to the point that I now understand that I don't want to die, it's just that I don't want to live like this either. My best friend has been wonderful and always reminds me that I can call him if I need him, but for what? He's seen me when I've been bad and I'm pretty sure he thinks that's as bad as it gets. Why would I want to show him how bad things really get? There’s no dignity in it, nothing to be gained for either of us. If he saw me at my worst things would change forever and then I’d have nothing to keep me going anyway so what’s the point? And if I called him what would I say? What do I want him to do? There’s nothing to be done.

So I suppose my question is does anybody else struggle in asking for help from people they love and has anyone felt like this and overcome it? What were the consequences? Will it irrevocabley change our frienship?

Thanks for any replies and sorry to have not been on the forums for a while. Not sure what support I'd have been but I'm sure I should have tried.

Hope you're all having an at least passable evening.
x

[Annie0904]

I am sorry you are feeling so bad at the moment, I have been where you are now and it will get better but you do have to try to be positive and know that you can get better. Have you had any counselling to help you? I think sometimes it is hard to ask for help from those we know as we are unsure they will understand but that is what friends are for to see us through thick and thin. I have a close friend who is always there for me even if it is just to sit and hold my hand while I cry all day. :hugs:

[fozzy is crying]

After a rubbish summer (hence no postings) things have got progressively worse, although on the outside people think I'm doing OK. I've got to the point that I now understand that I don't want to die, it's just that I don't want to live like this either. My best friend has been wonderful and always reminds me that I can call him if I need him, but for what? He's seen me when I've been bad and I'm pretty sure he thinks that's as bad as it gets. Why would I want to show him how bad things really get? There’s no dignity in it, nothing to be gained for either of us. If he saw me at my worst things would change forever and then I’d have nothing to keep me going anyway so what’s the point? And if I called him what would I say? What do I want him to do? There’s nothing to be done.

So I suppose my question is does anybody else struggle in asking for help from people they love and has anyone felt like this and overcome it? What were the consequences? Will it irrevocabley change our frienship?

Thanks for any replies and sorry to have not been on the forums for a while. Not sure what support I'd have been but I'm sure I should have tried.

Hope you're all having an at least passable evening.
x


If he is a true friend then no problem. My motto in life is "A friend is someone you can say what you think without thinking what you say".

Many have lots of so called friends but most do not live up to that definition so are not true and real friends.

Gordon

[Harley]

The others are right. If someone is a true friend they will stick by you no matter what. I certainly found out who my true friends where when I was at my worst. They accepted me with or without my anxiety and I could not have got through without them. When the really bad days hit you need someone to help you through.

[fozzy is crying]

The others are right. If someone is a true friend they will stick by you no matter what. I certainly found out who my true friends where when I was at my worst. They accepted me with or without my anxiety and I could not have got through without them. When the really bad days hit you need someone to help you through.

So did I and that is why I am totally alone. However painful and vulnerable that makes me it is far better than someone not being a true friend.

[Lovemyfriends]

Hi, thanks for replying. I was having counselling but money ran out, still on waiting list for NHS (8 months!). My GP did suggest that things were getting bad enough that I could get an emergency referral but I was too proud and too scared to ask. Everytime I saw either GP or counsellor I was scared that if I was honest they'd make me go to hospital and then there'd be nobody to look after my dogs. Even writing that seems quite pathetic but it feels pretty real at the time.

My best friend is wonderful but we don't live close by anymore so every time he says 'call me if you need me' I just think I'm going to make him feel bad or annoyed and think well what can he do, he's a 3 hours drive away? However much I'm screaming out for him I just can't do it.

What can he do?

[Annie0904]

Don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it. The doctor said said he could get you an emergency referral for counselling not to go in hospital. I know that my friend would be upset if he thought I hadn't called him when I needed someone to talk to. Even a chat on the phone would help you. :hugs:

[Lovemyfriends]

Thanks Annie, I know its true of my friends, especially the one I'm thinking about. Just not an easy conversation to start I suppose and I know I'm far too proud for my own good
x

[Annie0904]

Sometimes I pick up the phone to talk to my friend and just cry, it takes me ages just to be able to say something...he always seems to cheer me up in the end though.

[Lovemyfriends]

I've texted him to ask if he's still up (apparently other people sleep!). This sounds really obvious but I've only just realised that all I want him to do is listen. And people keep telling me I'm intelligent....

Thank you so much
x

[Harley]

Dont ever feel too proud or too scared to ask your GP for help. I ended up in my GPs surgery every day until he agreed to get me help. I shouldnt worry too much about ending up in hospital. I used to worry about that too. But I got so bad that I actually admitted myself! If it is a psychiatric hospital you are worrying about, believe me even if you admit yourself they dont do anything. I spent a week in one, all I did was sewing, pottery and occupational therapy classes and then they sent me home and told me not to come back.
If it is someone to talk to you can always use this site and as someone who suffered severe chronic anxiety for a long time and have now recovered I am more than happy for you to talk to me. PM me anytime if you wish. Sending you a big hug.:hugs:

[Lovemyfriends]

Well I spoke to my friend last night and he listened, nothing catastrophic happened (i.e. he's happy to be there for me) and I've been back to my GP who's increased my medication and sorted some other stuff out for me. Thanks for being my voice of reason.
xx

[ammiemum]

good well done

[Annie0904]

:yesyes: That's what friends are for...pleased you called him :)