Feelings of guilt

[rowley582]

I'm in the armed forces and whilst on my last tour, I started having awful dreams regarding my son who at the time was battling cancer. I felt guilty for leaving him and my family and I missed them terribly, and on my return my wife told me our marriage was over. I became depressed and had no interest in anything and often especially at night would think about ending my life. I sought help and see a therapist once a week to discuss how I feel etc. recently my wife said she was "lucky to have me" which made me feel so special and wanted, but tonight, she has gone out and I felt she didn't want to be around me before she went out so I'm feeling pretty low again. My emotions have been up and down for 6 months and I think we are getting somewhere but I suddenly feel lonely again. My children are in the house but I feel alone.

[purplepie]

On this site you are never alone as there is always someone to listen to you. I will admit that depression, thoughts, anxiety is a lonely business as no one person is the same but there are a lot of us out there with the same symptoms just trying to get through one day at a time.
Do you think your wife is using you when it suits her or is she resentful because you left her alone when your child was ill?

[kittikat]

You have been through a very traumatic time, in your job and with your son's illness. I am so sorry to hear that and I hope he is recovering now.

It's good that you are seeking help, but it sounds like you are suffering from a lot of guilty feelings, maybe partly due to being away with your job, your son, and your marriage. Depression is an illness and you shouldn't feel guilty about not being well. Maybe your wife just needed some 'time out'...it is so hard for our loved ones to understand what we go through unless they have been there themselves.

Don't be so hard on yourself, you have your beautiful children and your wife. You are in a pattern of negative thinking. Tell your wife how you feel and start to plan some quality 'time out' together. I'm sure she is doing her best to understand what you are going through, I'm sure it's hard for her to see her husband suffering too.

I wish you the best of luck. Take care, Kitti :)