How to meet 20 important strangers.. ?

[mikes]

Hey all, first time poster :)

Ive gone from being house bound for years, to kind of half way through the good fight. I can do things now, some really suprising things. Concerts at the O2, beaches throughout the summer.

Then why oh WHY can I not meet my girlfriends friends.. I know why I have avoided it so far, its 20 or so strangers, hyperactive curious girls, a clique of guys I'll have to muscle my way in to. All nice people I am sure, but the challenges of it all have left me all a bit flight rather than fight.

Its always a large group, either at a pub or a strangers house. Both have a lovely different set of con's for my anxiety to leech on to!

But the truth is I feel awful. Ive muscled my way out of 6-7 different occasions, all the while my girlfriend has been very supportive. But I know she just really wants to show me off and have me included in all aspects of her life. It is affecting her. It plays on my mind a lot that Im not being the best boyfriend I can be.

When things get too much with my anxiety, I can be one of those people that you cant talk sense into. The type that will go a nice transluscent silver, sweat everywhere and pass out. Breathing exercises kind of work in much smaller scenarios, but I cant communicate well at all when Im doing that. Im anxious I will show us both up.

How do you cope going in to a situation where you HAVE to be social? Where first impressions count for something, because I will see these people again. I dont want to be meeting them for a second time with them thinking Im a bad egg. To be honest, I think they will already have an opinion on me since Ive avoided meeting them. I WANT to meet them. I know I have so many positives to gain from it..

Any advice or chit chat will be very helpful. Im starting to think I dont deserve to have my girlfriend :weep:

[panickyme]

oh no don't think that. You are probably are great boyfriend! You probably have more class, and are more caring then a lot of other guys. She is lucky to have you. Don't be so hard on yourself, be proud. You have come along way. I am really proud of you!!!! Being anxious people like we are, we are over thinkers, we always look at the negative, and not the positive. Keep a positive attitude, go into like a pro, and try not to care so much what anyone thinks. you are a good person, and if they can't see that, then they do not deserve to be your friend. Hold your head high, and give yourself more credit you deserve it! Good luck!

[Laura123]

Can you not meet one or two at a time before you dive right into the meet everyone scenario? That would be overwhelming for me too x

[Anxious_gal]

Anticipation anxiety.
Look I know you want her friends to like you, but they might not and you might not like them, as in like enough to become friends with you.
Their opinion of you shouldn't affect your relationship with your girl, if she likes you then thats all that matters.
Do you have to meet them all at once? Usually with me, I end up meeting people out at the cinema or in a bar. 20 people is a lot to meet at once, maybe just go out with her, a few of her friends and a few of yours?

[mikes]

Thanks a lot for the replies, much appreciated. :)

I have joked around with my girlfriend about her only ever seeing her friends in a huge group like that. But oh well, I wish I had 20 friends! Im just not quite sure how to handle it. I figure if it is at a pub atleast I could creep off if I start to feel uneasy.

It is the anticipation that kills me off. I try real hard to keep it out, but it must be banging the gong real hard. Even knowing an event like this is planned for 3 weeks time, Im thinking about it from the moment I hear about it. And it can mess me up, change my mood. I wont ever go in a bad mood, but just a very thoughtful one. Quiet and stressed. And Im not the type who would want to bother anyone with it, because most of the time it simply bugs me I feel that way to start with! Guys eh...

Its just the size of the group and the locations that are bothering me. The few friends I have met, I could see anytime/any place now. Bringing a friend with me might be a real option, I think it would help me some. Id still rather an amygdala removal in Siberia! Id probably feed it to the dog!

[BobbyDog]

I think it is unfair of her to ask you to meet such a large group at once especially when you don't know any of her friends at all.
What about asking her to arrange a meet-up with just a couple at a time, that wouldn't be quite so overwhelming. Then you wouldn't feel as though you were the centre of attention. You would also then know the ones that you felt comfortable with and the ones you would rather avoid.
Slowly slowly.

[Edie]

20 people is a lot! Can you try to meet up with 2 or 3 of them at first. Then when you meet the whole crowd the ones you already met will have told them all how nice you are and it will be so much easier.

[meche]

Hi mikes - do you live together? If so could you not invite a few round and cook a meal or get a takeaway & have a social night in. That way you're in your own comfort zone and can escape for a few minutes any time you feel overwhelmed by it all. xx

[Sparkle1984]

Yes 20 people is a lot to meet at the same time, if you've never met any of them before. I'm a girl and I don't even have 20 friends! (Although I really value the ones I do have). As others have suggested, I think it's best if you meet a few at a time, as it will be less daunting for you.

[Anxious_gal]

Don't ever rely on alcohol.... but.... can you drink?
Maybe a glass of wine before hand might help? On a tummy full of food of course.
Just that alcohol works by making you less caring about what others think, a small glass could get you a bit of a buzz going and up your mood and make you relax a tiny bit.

too much will raise your heart rate and can cause anxiety, and never drink with sedatives!