Can't let it go

[meche]

I am so emotionally & physically exhausted. As many of you know I have an ultrasound coming up for a lump in my boob. My doctor doesn't think it's anything bad but it doesn't stop me worrying. It isn't just that though - it's everything thats happened this year - the constant headaches, the dizziness, the breathing issues... just to mention a few. That's been the routine since Feb. One thing after another. I should be grateful I've had maybe a 4 week period of feeling quite good but then BAM - this! I'm trying so hard to be the old cheery & positive me but I honestly don't know how to do it anymore. I can't even cry - I'm just starting to feel numb & very unfeeling about everything. I wouldn't say I felt depressed, just very down in the dumps! My other half is great but when it comes to serious matters he tends to bury his head in the sand. Everytime I try to talk to him about my fears he tries to change the subject or tells me not to worry - end of conversation. My parents are on holiday right now & don't know anything about whats been going on over the last few days. I'm not going to tell them over the phone. I'm just feeling a bit lost at the moment. I feel really sick today, feeling a bit breathless & achy. If it wasn't for this lump I would put that down to anxiety but HA is telling me it's cancer. I don't want to think like this anymore but I just cant let it go. xx

[Ats666]

I know exactly how you feel, I've been going through this period of health anxiety for 4 weeks now and it's drained me. I the same as you have a lump in my breast that has been going up and down for months, but for some reason my health anxiety kicked in 4 weeks ago and I have convinced myself it is breast cancer. I have been so unwell with ha. I have got my breast clinic appointment on Monday, which I am dreading, despite 3 GPs telling me it is a skin problem I am convinced they are going to tell me it's cancer and you're right it is hard to let go :hugs:

[Laura123]

Health anxiety is in my opinion one if the worst types if anxiety, it screws with your head on a whole new level and will have you feeling every single terrifying symptom of the worst thing your brsin can imagine, please don't underestimate the power of the mind, I know that until you have the scan nothing really that anyone says will give you actual peace of mind, but evwrything you have said relates to ha it honestly does, and yes yes yes, your mind really can make you feel this bad for this long. Hugs to both of you xxx

[meche]

Thank you ladies. Yep - HA is the worst. I have no idea where mine came from - just appeared out of nowhere. It's not so much the symptoms, it's the thought process that goes with it. Like today, I've got a pain in my underarm (same side as lump) so I must have cancer. Reality is I've been prodding & probably made it sore. I feel sick & have lost my appetite - must have cancer. Reality - I've worried myself to death. It's all me good & well writing it......but my mind refuses to believe it! My doctor, the expert, isn't worried by this lump but do I believe her.... er no! I did yesterday but now I've had time to think & my symptoms are worse. Gotta be cancer. It's pathetic - and that's how I feel, this isn't who I am!
I wish you so much luck with your scan next week. I'll be thinking of you. Hugs, hugs & more hugs to you both. xx

[Annie0904]

Stop prodding it!!!! and trust your doctor :) Believe me your doctor would have had you sent straight away for a scan if he/she thought it was something serious. :hugs::hugs:

[Edward_1980]

Please don't prod at it. I had a lump in my testicle when I was seventeen. I was full sure it was cancer and this caused me a lot of Anxiety. In the end it was just a cist and it was removed. Your Doctor would have sent you straight for a scan if he in any way thought it was serious. I hope you are going to be OK and let us know how you go:)

[meche]

Thank you Annie & Edward. You just find yourself looking for things that aren't there. I keep feeling round my collarbone & underarms for swellings! It's pointless because I have no idea how they felt before so wouldn't know what to look for anyway. Ok - I'm done. No more poking/prodding - promise! Got to get myself in a better frame of mind somehow. xx

[Nikkii28]

Hey

Ive felt off balance and had inner ear fluid for over 3 months going on 4 now, I know too well the thought processes get you down. some days i can live with the dizzy/neck and head pain (neck issues restarted a month ago due to tension in my neck Ive been told from anxiety). Today I'm convinced its serious as my neck and head feel crappy but some days i feel more positive. If your Doc isnt worried you shouldnt be but i know we all panic here....I just wanted to say i know how you feel and i hope you feel better soon