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nomorepanic
05-06-04, 21:37
Hi all

As some of you may know I was away for the last few days. Just got back tonight.:)

Thought I would post this under General Anxiety as it seemed appropriate to how I have felt.

Don't worry - this post has some light-hearted moments and some good progress too - so don't stop reading just yet. I just thought it may help someone to read it and relate to how I felt.

Well we decided to go to Blackpool for a few days cos I used to love it there on day trips with my nan when I was a kid and we went about 3 years ago and had great fun! It is such a big resort that you are bound to find something to do all day and night!

Anyway, we left Wednesday and 2.30pm cos we were running late and I decided that I HAD to drive cos my anxiety (nowadays) stems mainly from driving so it was good practice.

Wow - boring roads - the A1, A14 - then Alex wanted to stop for a coffee (after about 1 /14 hours) and he wanted to take over. Not sure if he hated my driving or because we were going on to the M6. So I agreed to let him take over.

The M6 was a NIGHTMARE - I am not very happy in traffic jams cos I feel stuck and shut in and I usually sit in the inside lane so I can escape to the hard-shoulder if I want to.

So, Alex is quite happily plodding along in the middle lane and we hit roadworks and a standstill. This would have been ok but he stopped in the middle lane and there were lorries either side of me and I felt this overwhelming sense of claustrophobia and I could feel the anxiety building up.

I asked him to get in the inside lane asap but of course no-one would let us in and it brought back horrid memories of panic attacks on the Motorway (I thought I had got over this!!).

We eventually got in to the inside lane and I immediately felt I had let myself down by giving in to it! What a battle was going on in my head!! Get back in the middle lane and face it I said to myself!

So onwards slowly and yes Alex did occasionally stray into the middle land and I sat there repeating over and over "it is ok, you can do this".

This lasted most of the M6 and then we were on the M55 and into Blackpool.

We decided to go to the seafront and then work our way to the north shore where the hotel was but I didn't realise that this took you over a sort of viaduct that was single lane both ways and no hard-shoulder as such - just concrete sides!! Aggghhhh, this started to worry me - how could we possibly stop on here? :(

It seemed to go on for miles and miles before we got off it and I finally breathed out - damn I failed that test too!!

Got to the hotel 4.5 hours later and a bit shaken and knackered (I am sure a lot of you know how tiring this illness can be).

Got to the room and was very disappointed - small and seemed to be very noisy outside - not good when you can't sleep anyway!

So we wondered off outside and decided to get some food somewhere.

If you know Blackpool, we were in the Imperial Hotel which is right up the north shore - past the north pier so it meant a long long walk or a tram.

Now I did trams 3 years ago and my panic was much much worse then so I could do it now yeah [?]

Got on, paid the man and sat down..... hmmmm ok this is alright but it is still a mode of transport that I don't do and I am not sure about. Ok, it will pass - I can do this!! Are we nearly there?

Phew got off at last at the South pier. Felt drained and had to take 5 mins to sort myself out.

Saw a restaurant called the "Texas Steak House" - yeah this will be ok we thought - lol. Oh dear - what a sad place.

We were the only ones in there and it was dreadful!! We ordered burgers but they all came with fancy add-ons like cheese, bacon, mushrooms, sauces etc - I just wanted a plain burger. This seemed to confuse the woman who said "just a burger?". We had such high quality service - a dirty table cloth, country and western music and some lovely plastic squirty things with sauce and mayonnaise in that split as soon as you squeezed them! I ordered a glass of wine (one for you Sal!!) but no they had run ou

Caitlyn89
05-06-04, 21:52
Wow Nic thats really great! Im so happy for you. So you felt anxious i thought that would of been expected but you still managed to stay and the family bar kid night thing sounded fun. Maybe next time your on holiday you could go to some resort where you know you wont be bored Have a good weekend! :-)

kate
05-06-04, 22:14
Hiya Nic,

No failure at all :(

Just lots and lots of great achievements!!

Glad your back,missed you!![:I]

Kate x

stimpy
05-06-04, 22:32
I think you did great Nic.
Just attemping to go to blackpool was a very brave thing to do.
You should be proud of yourself, not putting yourself down.
So you had a few rough moments, but you came out of it alive.

Well done hun ! :D

Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
With hard work and determination and all the things you know.
The world is there for you to take. There's nowhere you can't go.


[:p]Scatty Eccentric & 'Poet Laureate to panic and anxiety'

Tessie28
05-06-04, 22:57
Well done Nicola:),
sorry the weather wasn't any better for you. Never been to Blackpool myself - don't think I will now :D.

I should be going away on Friday once the cast is off my arm. Only a few days but not booked up yet as we really don't know how I'll be. Mind you the hotel is familiar but Hubby is worried I won't sleep at all or else I'll be like I was yesterday [tears all day]. Watch this space! Reminds me I too have a cat they are so good at cuddling up to when you are having a bad time [^]
love Tess

Meg
05-06-04, 23:12
Welcome back Nic,

Well done on all the achievements - particularly the tram ..and you know what you need to do to address the rest if you choose to do so.

The spa will be very different and lovely.
Mind you I doubt you'll get a burger there at all !!lol

Love
Meg



Meg

'There can only be true courage when first there is genuine fear'

Dr.David Livingstone

pauline
05-06-04, 23:44
Well done Nicola

It was good to read your post as i have the same problem as you with going away from home. But as you say it was not comfortable but you did it and thats something to be proud of. You know sometimes i wonder do we ever go back to being the people we were before panic? I'm always wishing and hopeing for that but perhaps i have spent to long on that and just have to accept what i have. Certainly since i have told my fella that this is me he has to try and understand me and that i cannot be what he wants ( he's not good on the panic and going away from home just does not understand it nor does he try to) unlike your fella who sounds like a kind and understanding man. Sometimes i wish i could start again and have someone who accepts me and loves me for who i am worts and all and not someone who i have to put on a brave face to and keep it all in as he will be thinking whats this looney i'm stuck with.

Take care
Pauline

sadie
06-06-04, 09:11
Hi Nicola,

I think you did great on your trip to Blackpool. Despite feling anxious in the car or other forms of transport, you still faced your fears which is great. You are getting better because you said that you never used to be able to go on a tram and you did!!!

After reading your post, do you think that you felt your panic was more intense because you were BORED in blackpool?

Well done NIC...I'm sure on your next holiday you will cope even better.

Take care

sadie

sarah
06-06-04, 17:22
Hiya Nic

Welcome back mate!
You did brilliantly as far as im concerned. Ok so you felt anxious for the journey but you did it, didnt turn back and survived a tram jouney very sucessfully!!!!!(not to mention a dodgy food place...lol)
Thats the trouble with visiting places that you used to have great times as a kid...the reality is never the same as the fond memories you used to have is it? Never mind, strike Blackpool off your potential holiday destinations and you can try somewhere else next time!

take care mate
love Sarah
xx

we arent mad, just the next stage of evolution :)

imported_n/a
06-06-04, 17:50
hi nic,,,

you are an inspiration nic,,

took me all afternoon to read your post lol,,where are you going next time??or did you mention it ,,was so long i have forgotton lol,,,

is my rock in the post nic???/
hhey thank you for your text althou the first one i thought why would such an important person send me a text lol,,and thought you had sent it by mistake,,,,

so glad you enjoyed yourself,,

xx

""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""



xxxxdarrenxxxx

nomorepanic
06-06-04, 19:26
Hi all - thanks for the words of encouragement.

Kate - I am glad someone missed me - cheers :D I missed you lot too.

Liz - I know I did well but I always criticise myself for getting anxious in any situation. It is kind of like having a fight with myself - lol.

Tess - Good luck for your holiday too. We all need time out don't we? Yeah the cats missed me - I had all 3 sat round me last night for a fuss. We had someone coming in to feed them but I think they missed the cuddles [:p]

Meg - yeah the tram was ok once I got used to it. As for the other stuff well I am working at it but I thought I would be ok now in traffic. It was nowhere near as bad as it was but I still felt trapped. I am beginning to think that a lot of the anxiety comes from claustrophobia in a way.

Pauline - it is a weird feeling isn't it? Why do we feel safe at home and anxious when away from it? Probably familiarity.

Sadie - I don't think it was because I was bored but then I did have more time to think about things so maybe if I was tied up doing stuff then I wouldn't have had time to think about where I was.

Sarah - hiya mate. Yes it was a comical few days if nothing else. It was a long journey but that was deliberate on my part to try and push myself. I think I did well but as you may know of me I still don't like settling for 2nd best and I try to push myself all the time.

Darren - the next one is to a health farm (sorry they call them health hydros now - posher name lol). Take a look at www.ragdalehall.co.uk I am going alone to this one (went last year too) and I loved it. Loads to do and plenty of exercise too! I thought you may like a text - sorry to confuse you lol. It was meant for you though, honest [:p] I wouldn't want to rot your teeth with the rock ;)

Thanks all for the warm welcome back :D:)



Nicola

pips
06-06-04, 21:28
Welcome back Nic,

You didn't fail at all! You did all you set out to do and you coped with some crappy bits in between to. So well done to you. Give yourself a big pat on the back!

I hope you have a lovely time at the Heath hydro! Detox away all your anxiety! wouldn't that be great I would even have colonic irrigation if it took the symptons away LOL.

Take care all the best

Love Pip's XX

april tones
06-06-04, 22:00
hiya nic, well done, you done really well, feel the fear and do it any way. Have you read that book? Glad to see your feeling happy again, love april x p.s are ae aloud to ask where pele live3 on here? not adresses just areas? just out of interest?

apriltones

pips
06-06-04, 22:05
Hi again Nic,
Just looked at the website for Ragdale Hall. It looked so Fab I have requested a brochure. Now all I have to do is start saving! Or sweet talk hubby LOL.

Love Pips XX

nomorepanic
06-06-04, 22:12
April - If people don't mind saying where they live then that is fine. I do not hide the fact that I live in a small town called Potton in Bedfordshire.

Pips - thanks for the message. It does cost a bit but I have been saving since last year. The 4 nights are costing me £550 which is bed, breakfast, lunch and dinner and you also get a head massage, body massage and facial all included.

I go on the Rosemary Conley week so she is there doing talks and exercise classes too. She is a lovely person. There are exercise classes all day or you can just chill out and go for a sauna, jacuzzi, spa, swim etc or just sleep in one of the relaxation rooms.

Dress is very causal - dressing gown lol! Even for dinner.

You could try a weekend break to see if you like it.

Nicola

twister
06-06-04, 22:43
I am off on holiday in a few months and have already started having anxiety dreams. I dreamt last night i was taking off on a plane and i had forgotten to take any valium!

Emily

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit
Understanding is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad

nomorepanic
06-06-04, 22:51
Em

Alex said to me this week "we need to go abroard next time". I think maybe he is bored of UK holidays because of me so I have to address this too. It is a big thing for me to face but I don't know when I can face it.

Nicola

pips
07-06-04, 22:49
Thanks for message Nic,

Yep you have definately convinced me! Not that I needed much. It looks like its worth every penny!

Start saving me pennies now LOL (think i'll need a few!)

Take care & have a Fab time with Rosemary! I have a couple of her vid's she's good.

Love PIP'S XX

Tessie28
08-06-04, 11:35
Nicola,
is it the thought of being so far away from home that gets to you or are you a nervous flyer like me[?] when I say 'nervous' I mean terrified[V]. In april when we flew back from the states even though we went BA club [so lots of room etc] I shook all the way and spent most of the flight in the toilets[:I]. Mind you there was some turbulance.[V][V]. I had a lovely steward looking after me who was reassuring in a jokey sort of way. Still the magic words were 'cabin crew, doors to manual' LOL
Only after I experienced my first panic attack last month did I realise how bad I am at flying as I get all the now familiar feelings. I guess the PAs were just waiting to happen and not that much out of the blue when i think back. sorry rambling!!!!

love Tess

Meg
08-06-04, 13:16
We have all experienced anxiety and stress over specific issues in our lives often prior to panics setting in. Its just now the feelings and the fear is more obviously innappropriate to the situations whereas on planes, it's the minority who these days who really are not at all nervous.




Meg

'There can only be true courage when first there is genuine fear'

Dr.David Livingstone

nomorepanic
08-06-04, 18:45
Pips - I am really looking forward to it now! May see you there next year ok? lol.

Tess - I used to fly - went abroad about 11 times before the last time I went - over 7 years ago now - and I felt terrible on the plane and very claustrophobic. I have since been on teh "flying with confidence" course 3 times but can't say I enjoyed it. One other problem I have is heat! I can't stand it. It has been horrid today and nowhere to hide from it apart from in the air-conditioned car! I suppose I could go to Iceland or somewhere lol. There is also the problem of transfer from the airport to the resort as I am not happy in buses, taxis, trains etc so I would need to conquer that fear too. Finally, yes I suppose I am a bit worried about being away from home and not so easy to get back is it?

Just a few issues to address - lol - but I know that I have to some time - just like the rest of you I still have someway to go before I feel cured!

Nicola

Tessie28
09-06-04, 10:26
Hi Nic,
how about ships? I'm a cruising addict - partly because some leave from the uk so no flying and partly because it is a lovely secure feeling taking your 'home' with you as you travel.
love Tess

Caz Fab Pants
09-06-04, 14:20
Nicola,

I think what you did was amazing, WELL DONE!! The fact that you stuck with the plan, went all the way and despite feeling anxious you still went out and about while you were there. It may not seem like a success because you panicked and I know that always brings a downer on things but believe me that was a HUGE success. In my humble opinion you have just taken another step closer to beating this problem.

By the way, I live just down the road from you in St. Neots (small world.)

Caroline
x

nomorepanic
09-06-04, 19:42
Tess - I fancy a cruise but am worried that I will hate not being able to get off and then having to get a speed boat or whatever to the shore when I want to go and see things ashore.

Weird aren't I - lol?

Caroline - thanks for the kind words. I was in Tesco's (St. Neots) on Saturday on the way home. You are only 20 mins away. We could meet up sometime?

Nicola

Tessie28
10-06-04, 08:44
Hi Nic,
no, mostly ships dock in the port so you just walk off. When they have to tender you get a boat to travel to shore on. I've never had the feeling of wanting to get off [usually have to dragged kicking and screaming at the end of each cruise LOL] but it could be a problem. If you ever did fancy trying it P & O do long weekend cruises from Southampton which would be a good indicator of how you liked the experience. Back at Easter hubby and I did the Panama Canal on a wonderful ship from LA [long flight much stress] to Fort Launderdale [shorter flight turbulance]. Once I'd recovered from the flight I had the most fantastic time [but then I am a cruise addict:D].

Anyway off to Swanage for 3 nights on Saturday, not so glamorous but looking forward to it[8D].

love Tess
ps only 25 hours, 25 minutes to go

nomorepanic
10-06-04, 19:29
Thanks Tess - I must look into a local one that docks at shore.

Have a lovely break away and I hope you have better weather than we had.

Let us know how it goes.

Nicola

sal
11-06-04, 00:20
Hi Nic

Can appreciate the cruise thing, i think i would jump over board. But if thats what you really want to do, you will do it one day, you have that strength. Make that a positive ambition.

Lots of love Sal xxxx

jo-jo
13-06-04, 11:12
Hi there Nicola

You have no reason at all to feel a failure, you did really brill :)

Its no surprise that you wanted to be at home given the state of the hotel and entertainment - there are plenty of holidays that I've been on where I've wished on odd moments that I was at home - and that's before I started having panic attacks!

Know what you mean about missing your cats - I have 2 dogs and one of them is 12 years old so I just know I'll worry like mad about her whilst I'm away, even though my ex-husband is looking after her and will spoil her like mad (kind ex-hubby is looking after aging dog whilst ex-wife is getting married and on honeymoon ;))

Well done Nicola, good for you for sticking with it, you did just great.

Jo xx