AIDS fear came back.

[Devyn]

I've been on and off throwing up sick of the thought of having AIDS. this has been going on for months and i'm sick of it. i'm sick of it. Theres tell tale signs for awhile I don't have AIDS, then theres signs I do.

I had a finger infection and it swollen up for a week or two, convincing myself i had AIDS, then it came back down, then i convinced myself if my immune system wasn't there, it wouldn't of fought off the infection so for the time being i thought i didn't have it.

Now I have a runny nose and painful swallowing and a white coat tongue (relieved by brushing). and i'm CONVINCING myself I have aids again.. im so tired of this inner fear and i'm having suicidal thoughts. i don't know what to do.

My tongue:

<pic removed>

I can't stand this fear anymore,i can't do it anymore.

[nomorepanic]

I have removed your photo as it is not appropriate to post such a huge picture in a thread.

[Devyn]

I have removed your photo as it is not appropriate to post such a huge picture in a thread.
Appreciate it.

[neptune296]

I know this kind of fear can be unbearable. The worrying about the disease is the worst part. But you have to realize that worrying like this takes so much energy. Anxiety can create so many powerful symptoms that just make you feel awful. The more you worry the worse you'll feel.

If you had full blown AIDS, which is what comes after untreated HIV, you would know it. There would be no worrying, no question, you would be very sick. I'm not going to list the symptoms of AIDS b/c I'm not sure if that would help or hurt you to know them but I went and looked at the Mayo Clinic and the symptoms are severe. There would be no question that something was very wrong.

Everything you've described sounds fairly mild and can be attributed to anxiety, a common cold, or flu.

As for the white coating on your tongue this could be caused by anything ranging from allergies, a common cold, or acid reflux. The whiteness they are talking about with AIDS are spotty and along with it the person has many painful mouth sores which I highly doubt you have.

You do not have AIDS but you might have an anxiety problem. You should talk to someone like a doctor or therapist. They can help. Don't ever give up or consider suicide because things change so quickly, This may seem like forever but you have so many happy days ahead of you.

I hope you feel better. Talk to your doctor they'll understand.

[Siany]

The easiest way to get over your fear would be to do a test for HIV/AIDS or all STIs. At least that way in your mind, you will know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, because you'd have been tested to show that there isn't anything there.

I used to have irrational fears like this also. So I went to my local sexual health clinic and just got an all round sexual health test, the waiting for the results increased my anxiety but after my results came back all clear, it relieved my anxiety about having them.

I really think it would benefit you to see a doctor about getting tested and about anxiety though.

[Devyn]

I know this kind of fear can be unbearable. The worrying about the disease is the worst part. But you have to realize that worrying like this takes so much energy. Anxiety can create so many powerful symptoms that just make you feel awful. The more you worry the worse you'll feel.

If you had full blown AIDS, which is what comes after untreated HIV, you would know it. There would be no worrying, no question, you would be very sick. I'm not going to list the symptoms of AIDS b/c I'm not sure if that would help or hurt you to know them but I went and looked at the Mayo Clinic and the symptoms are severe. There would be no question that something was very wrong.

Everything you've described sounds fairly mild and can be attributed to anxiety, a common cold, or flu.

As for the white coating on your tongue this could be caused by anything ranging from allergies, a common cold, or acid reflux. The whiteness they are talking about with AIDS are spotty and along with it the person has many painful mouth sores which I highly doubt you have.

You do not have AIDS but you might have an anxiety problem. You should talk to someone like a doctor or therapist. They can help. Don't ever give up or consider suicide because things change so quickly, This may seem like forever but you have so many happy days ahead of you.

I hope you feel better. Talk to your doctor they'll understand.

Thank you for the response, my suicidal thoughts went down quite a bit, i know im thinking irrationally, I also figured out recently alot of people have white coats on their tongue, and its quite common. and no, i don't have painful mouth sores, just painful swallowing right now because i'm coming down with something, . My mother says I need a therapist, but my parents are so busy right now that no one can take me to the doctor (i haven't been for months) about 5 months ago my doctor heard about when my anxiety was first starting.. but since then i've been having brain fog and all these random symptoms, i haven't consulted my doctor back, and I know I should. I was on buspirone for a while but it did absolutely nothing so I stopped it... I went in the emergency room a few months back since i woke up struggling to breathe and had chest pains and the left side of my face was twitching, but they said it was a severe panic attack, since at the time my anxiety was so severe I woke up with my heart pounding out of my chest, this was JUST waking up, THEN I started panicing more, wondering if I was having a heart attack, or had heart disease, or heart failure. i've been through just about every cancer in the book, but i'm stuck on AIDS... that word makes me sick to my stomach just typing it...I can't even say it in real life, it makes me nauseated. but thank you for your concern, and I shall take your advice. I also think i've been raising my blood pressure quite a bit, 5 months ago (My doctor visit) they said i needed to watch it. and it could of risen alot by then, they said I was in pre-hypertension and said I needed to lower the amount of stress I was putting myself in.. and I haven't done that.. so I have no doubt in my mind i'm on the higher side with my blood pressure. i'm going to try my best to cut down on soda and fatty, greasy foods and try to go a little bit more green. because god knows I don't do enough of that. It's time I change my life, drink a lot of water, and meditate, put myself on the right medication, and win my life back. I'm glad I found this forum, it let me know I wasn't alone, at the time, it felt like no one would understand what I was going through, I didn't even know the correct word.. I was about to put myself in a mental hospital, as I thought i was going schizophrenic. again, thank you!

---------- Post added at 04:17 ---------- Previous post was at 04:15 ----------


The easiest way to get over your fear would be to do a test for HIV/AIDS or all STIs. At least that way in your mind, you will know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, because you'd have been tested to show that there isn't anything there.

I used to have irrational fears like this also. So I went to my local sexual health clinic and just got an all round sexual health test, the waiting for the results increased my anxiety but after my results came back all clear, it relieved my anxiety about having them.

I really think it would benefit you to see a doctor about getting tested and about anxiety though.

I have an inner fear of getting tested, which makes no sense, because i've only had sex once, and they were a virgin. im 17 years old and I had sex when i was 13-14 so its irrational to think I have aids... unless I got it around 7 theres almost no way... thank you for your advice though.

[justina]

Aids is when your immune systems stops working, so you get really ill, and not one thing at a time but many things together. I am totally sure that you do not have aids.

I have done the HIV-test myself, several times (during pregnancy they always test you) and I know how awful it is to wait for the result, but it is the best way to stop worrying! And if you only practice safe sex in the future, you will never have to worry about aids!

[Anxious lu]

I recently had the same fear. Had what I thought were symptoms of it. I felt ill I couldn't eat couldn't sleep. Kept remembering when I had ever had flu tried to link it to sexual events. Convinced myself my glands were all swollen, spent most f the day checking my body for rashes, I could even see rashes..

I used to get family members to feel parts of my body for lumps and check me over for rashes and marks.

I lost so much weight as I wasnt eating properly and couldnt sleep due to the surges of anxiety I was getting.

I will tell you now I was terrified of going for a test in case the results were positive but when I went and heard I was fine everything changed. Your making yourself ill for no reason.. I know its scary but i urge you to get tested.. It will lift a weight off your shoulders and as soon as I found out I was okay my symptoms died down.

It was probably the worst I have ever been.

[Devyn]

I recently had the same fear. Had what I thought were symptoms of it. I felt ill I couldn't eat couldn't sleep. Kept remembering when I had ever had flu tried to link it to sexual events. Convinced myself my glands were all swollen, spent most f the day checking my body for rashes, I could even see rashes..

I used to get family members to feel parts of my body for lumps and check me over for rashes and marks.

I lost so much weight as I wasnt eating properly and couldnt sleep due to the surges of anxiety I was getting.

I will tell you now I was terrified of going for a test in case the results were positive but when I went and heard I was fine everything changed. Your making yourself ill for no reason.. I know its scary but i urge you to get tested.. It will lift a weight off your shoulders and as soon as I found out I was okay my symptoms died down.

It was probably the worst I have ever been.


Thank you for replaying, but I don't think I will be going for a test, theres a chance for false-positives, and i need to watch my blood pressure right now, so the week of waiting for the results would spike it even higher, and I need it low right now as I have the flu, and I need rest, between the anxiety, and the flu, i am beyond exhausted. Thanks again.

[cherrydrops]

Hiya.

I had HIV/ AIDs fear for about 7 years before I was able to build up the courage to have a test. I was so worried and yes for that week waiting I was a wreck BUT my husband (who at the time was my fiance) also got tested but he went to a Terrance Higgins centre where he got the results in under an hour. Might be worth looking into?
I know how hard it is, believe me I never thought I'd be able to do it but once it was done I was gutted I hadnt done it before.

Its horrible having fear and of course being unable to rationalise it because of HA.

Sending hugs xx