Another blip :'(

[little scientist]

Hey everyone, I know it's late (1am!) but I felt I had to post, didn't know where else to turn but I thought it possibly a good idea to get it written down what just happened. Apologies for any detail that's a little too graphic.

I've just had (and still having I believe) an anxiety attack that's just resulted in me having to get out of bed and vomit. It was horrible. I had the tense feeling stomach, then the rapid heart and sweating and then throwing up.

I knew I had had a bit if a "meh" and depressed feeling day, but I took note of my cbt, and picked out positive things from the day at work and thought about them and how they were good to try and boost myself while I was feeling low to try and reverse the negative thoughts process, and turn it positive. I then as usual went to bed and did a relaxation cd as always and then nodded off, which turned out only to be for a short while :(

I so want to feel better, I hate feeling low like this, and I feel as though there is little reason for me to feel like this. I know i dont find work the easiest thing, but I am trying so hard to turn that into something positive in my life and tell myself that I am good at it. I feel helpless. I want to make the most of my CBT online course that I am doing with the help of my counsellor, does anyone have any suggestions of how to do this? I think my other half feels helpless in all this, but I am so glad I have him here just for that hug when I need it, and he keeps telling me I can overcome this, that "I can do it!".

I keep wondering whether the increase in citalopram that my GP suggested might be a good idea (I think it's been about 7 weeks) as this is the second bad night involving throwing up in a week, she suggested going up to 40mg but it scared me, the thought of being at the highest dose, and previously on cit I had done so well on 20mg and part of me feels like I should be doing well on that dose. Like I say, I just want to return to the me I was about 7 months ago before I came off cit and felt fantastic.

Sorry for the essay, I just needed to get that all down!

[yvonne_uk_98]

So sorry your feeling so low, and your anxiety making you feel so sick. being on 40mg citalopram is not the highest does. hope you get start to feel better soon. you could try 40mg. take each day at a time. you will get back to feeling fantastic again, just going to take time right now. sending you some hugs:

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

[little scientist]

40 is now the highest uk dose (it was revised a while ago), but I think an increase might be in my best interests right now.

Ugh feel pants :(

[Tufty]

It sounds like you've got a really positive attitude and doing everything you can to get better - with the CBT and relaxation and your partner is right 'you can do it'. The only suggestion I can make is to try to stop questioning the anxiety and thinking that you should be doing better than you are, that's adding more anxiety to your already sensitized state.

I have found that my anxiety is always heightened if I think how much longer will I be like this? or what if the drugs aren't working? what if I need a higher dose and it makes me worse? why am I still like this? what else can I do to get better? But these thoughts just add to the anxiety, it's natural to look for a solution and is a sign of a positive attitude however it is also an indication that you are not accepting the anxiety but fighting it. Do anything to help yourself but try not to add the what ifs and compare yourself to what you were like, it will add to your anxiety. It's very difficult when you want to just get on with your life but you will get better, your posts show that you are a strong person - try to go with the anxiety and not fight it, it's temporary and will pass easier if you don't question or fight.

As for the Citalopram, if you decide to increase you could do it slowly - take 40mg on day and 20mg the next to ease you in.

Hope you have a better day (and night)
Love Sam

[little scientist]

It sounds like you've got a really positive attitude and doing everything you can to get better - with the CBT and relaxation and your partner is right 'you can do it'. The only suggestion I can make is to try to stop questioning the anxiety and thinking that you should be doing better than you are, that's adding more anxiety to your already sensitized state.

I have found that my anxiety is always heightened if I think how much longer will I be like this? or what if the drugs aren't working? what if I need a higher dose and it makes me worse? why am I still like this? what else can I do to get better? But these thoughts just add to the anxiety, it's natural to look for a solution and is a sign of a positive attitude however it is also an indication that you are not accepting the anxiety but fighting it. Do anything to help yourself but try not to add the what ifs and compare yourself to what you were like, it will add to your anxiety. It's very difficult when you want to just get on with your life but you will get better, your posts show that you are a strong person - try to go with the anxiety and not fight it, it's temporary and will pass easier if you don't question or fight.

As for the Citalopram, if you decide to increase you could do it slowly - take 40mg on day and 20mg the next to ease you in.

Hope you have a better day (and night)
Love Sam

Thanks Sam, really means a lot to get these replies right now. I'm sat here doing something that I have needed to do for so long, cry! I have literally just sobbed my heart out, but felt as though I have really really needed the release.

I agree with what you say about letting it pass. very slowly, I am beginning to learn not to question the anxiety feeling itself (although I think it is important to identify any potential causes to try and reduce it in the future). Something someone said recently here that stuck in my mind, and I told my counsellor about (and she kind of agreed with the thought), was that the anxiety feelings aren't me, and aren't real!

I also agree with not thinking about the past too much, and wishing I was the person I was back then. I think it's more of a case of I need to look forward to the person I will become!

Thanks again :) :hugs:

[dread]

I was on 60mg Citalopram for 3 years. It was revised about 6-8 months ago in the US and now the UK, so generally 40mg is the highest. I was always told that different doses work for different people, and in my own experience, 10mg did nothing for me, 20mg made me sick and twitchy and 30 wasn't enough to combat the anx...so I ended up on 60.

The CBT for me had an immediate effect, then wore off and then came into play again later. It's different for everyone, so don't put too much pressure on yourself to be 'fixed' so quickly. The same as with samhar70, the more I question why I am the way I am, the worse my symptoms. Just remember how far you've come - my anxiety attacks were crippling when I first had them, and now they aren't so bad, so when I think I'm having a bad one, I just remember how awful they used to be. Back then, if I could have seen how much better I was going to be now, I would never have believed it. Everyone of us on NMP has a lot to cope with every day, and we all do amazing with it so just keep that in mind :)