lo89
23-10-12, 16:51
Hi all.
Just needed somewhere to vent my worries and frustrations about health anxiety, so I apologise if this doesn't make much sense.
I feel as though health anxiety is ruining my life at the moment, and feel as though there is nothing I can do to stop the constant battle I have with myself.
I have become compulsive about feeling my body for tiny lumps, bumps and marks. It has got to the point that I have an argument with myself, one side of me is wanting to check my entire body for reassurance that there is nothing wrong with me, and the other side is too scared to even look in a mirror too long in case I find something odd or that I haven't noticed before, so I feel I can't win either way. If I start to examine myself, I will not stop until I find some abnormality, often it is something so tiny I have probably always had it, but because I am so anxious I am convinced that it must be serious.
My immediate reaction is then to call my doctor to get it checked out, however I then start to worry that I will go to the doctor about nothing so much that I will become the girl that called wolf and my doctor will miss something serious as he will dismiss it as me being paranoid.
This leads me to the next stage of health anxiety - doctor google. I stupidly think that if i search for the lump i have found on google, i will be reassured and stop worrying. This has only happened on one occassion, as opposed to the thousand (literally) times when google has told me i am dying.
This then starts the final stage of health anxiety - and the worst- genuinely believing i am very ill. I am so convinced that i am ill that going to the doctors is out of the question - by this stage whatever disease i am imagining is now so severe and widespread that all a doctors appointment would be good for is to confirm what i already know. This part makes me feel nauseous, lightheaded, and unable to think about anything other than the fact that i am going to be dead in a few weeks. I don't worry about myself, i worry abut those i would leave behind.
It is getting to the point where it is interfering with every part of my life. My best friend isn't taking to me because i am "highly strung", my family are constantly nagging me about housework and suchlike because health anxiety takes up all my free time, and even sex with my boyfriend has suffered as one of my fears is that I will fall pregnant and have a miscarriage. I am on my final placement before qualifying as a teacher and i am worried i am going to fail due to the stress of health anxiety. This is something which i have suffered from for my whole life and i can't see an end to the situation. The longer i feel like this, the more symptoms i learn about from google, which means i have more symptoms to look for and worrying about.
Is this how everyone else feels or is it just me?
Just needed somewhere to vent my worries and frustrations about health anxiety, so I apologise if this doesn't make much sense.
I feel as though health anxiety is ruining my life at the moment, and feel as though there is nothing I can do to stop the constant battle I have with myself.
I have become compulsive about feeling my body for tiny lumps, bumps and marks. It has got to the point that I have an argument with myself, one side of me is wanting to check my entire body for reassurance that there is nothing wrong with me, and the other side is too scared to even look in a mirror too long in case I find something odd or that I haven't noticed before, so I feel I can't win either way. If I start to examine myself, I will not stop until I find some abnormality, often it is something so tiny I have probably always had it, but because I am so anxious I am convinced that it must be serious.
My immediate reaction is then to call my doctor to get it checked out, however I then start to worry that I will go to the doctor about nothing so much that I will become the girl that called wolf and my doctor will miss something serious as he will dismiss it as me being paranoid.
This leads me to the next stage of health anxiety - doctor google. I stupidly think that if i search for the lump i have found on google, i will be reassured and stop worrying. This has only happened on one occassion, as opposed to the thousand (literally) times when google has told me i am dying.
This then starts the final stage of health anxiety - and the worst- genuinely believing i am very ill. I am so convinced that i am ill that going to the doctors is out of the question - by this stage whatever disease i am imagining is now so severe and widespread that all a doctors appointment would be good for is to confirm what i already know. This part makes me feel nauseous, lightheaded, and unable to think about anything other than the fact that i am going to be dead in a few weeks. I don't worry about myself, i worry abut those i would leave behind.
It is getting to the point where it is interfering with every part of my life. My best friend isn't taking to me because i am "highly strung", my family are constantly nagging me about housework and suchlike because health anxiety takes up all my free time, and even sex with my boyfriend has suffered as one of my fears is that I will fall pregnant and have a miscarriage. I am on my final placement before qualifying as a teacher and i am worried i am going to fail due to the stress of health anxiety. This is something which i have suffered from for my whole life and i can't see an end to the situation. The longer i feel like this, the more symptoms i learn about from google, which means i have more symptoms to look for and worrying about.
Is this how everyone else feels or is it just me?