How does your partner cope with your HA? [Archive]

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Eek

25-10-12, 08:18

I think my husband is at his wits end. He can't understand my HA and gets very frustrated with me and I think he's just about reached the end of his tether.

I'm worried I'm going to lose him if I carry on like this but recently I've had some genuine health issues which are getting in the way of any chance I have of tackling my HA. He's become very dismissive of symptoms and obviously just very very fed up with how I am even though now I have some genuine worries. He says he has just given up any hope that I will recover or that he can help me and is just wiped out.

How does everyone else cope with HA and their partners without it getting in the way of their relationship?

Annie0904

25-10-12, 09:27

Luckily my husband is very understanding and supportive with me. Maybe your husband could read some of the links at the side of this page to help him to understand it better :hugs:

Elle-Kay

25-10-12, 11:52

My husband is really good with my anxiety. He's known about it since we met, and has always just accepted it as a part of me. He is a very calm, even-tempered sort of guy who is confident & doesn't get nervous or anxious about anything (literally, I have never seen him nervous!) If/when I get into an anxious state he has sort of 3 responses depending on how bad I am:
1. If I'm being anti-social and just want to be insular and alone he respects that & just checks on me from time to time to make sure I've tried to have something to eat and so on.
2. If I'm being social and want to talk his stock phrase is "You'll be fine", which he says so often that it sometimes becomes annoying, lol. He's usually right though, in the end!
3. If I'm having a total breakdown moment - crying, getting angry, frustrated etc. - he sometimes doesn't know what to do with me, but other times he knows to just hold onto me until I've cried it out.

I agree with what Annie said about your husband maybe reading some of the information here. Or, is there anything that your husband is afraid of? (spiders? heights? flying?) If someone I come across doesn't understand my fears I explain it to them in terms of their own fear, e.g. it's like being made to be in a room with a large spider on the loose all the time - you don't know where it is, or when it will come out, but you know it's there.

almamatters

25-10-12, 11:57

chl_hobbs

25-10-12, 21:07

Wow, I could have written your post! Since my spleen was accidentally torn in a routine op a year ago, and I was intensive care etc... Ive been a mess. I obviously still experience pain from the huge laparotomy I had to have, but the drs have said that apart from possible bowel blockages due to adhesions, Im fine.

My HA takes over my life at times. I can feel fine, and have a good few days where Im ok...and then I will develop a symptom ( a cough, sinus pain, pains in legs, bowel probs etc), and I cannot get it out of my mind. It takes over. My partner has been understanding, considering what Ive been through, but now he is less so. He gets very impatient, and at times just ignores me when I complain of pain or try to express my worries. He snaps a lot, and I feel like if something was wrong, he'd dismiss it.

I feel like the boy who cried wolf sometimes....

Charlotte x

panickyme

25-10-12, 21:19

I"m really lucky also, my husband is very understanding. However, I hide a lot, and keep a lot to myself, and pretend there is nothing wrong. But when I am at my worst I do get him, and honestly he is my safe person, and I usually calm down, and it works both ways if he is having a stressful day I am there for him. He is not a nut like me, and he fears nothing, but a married couple should definitely support each other. (for better or worse) I feel bad your husband is not getting it. That would scare me more, if I knew I could not lean on him, when needed. I agree with the post above, maybe have him read up on it, and he will understand more. Have him think of his most frightening moment in his life, and tell him that is what you feel like all the time, and tell him that trust you, you do not want to feel like this, this is not fun. I hope you can get through to him, its scarey enough!:hugs:

Eek

26-10-12, 03:22

I did mention this site to him but he wasn't really interested in reading it. He says that he can see how I feel and how scared I am, but the problem is he doesn't know how to help me and has realised that there is nothing he can do. I think he's just emotionally drained by the endlessness of it and can't see a way that I'm going to be the me I was before this latest bout of HA which started a year ago.

I want so much to feel like me again, but I can see what he means there really doesn't seem to be a way out of this endless HA that's ruling my life at the moment. He's tried so hard in the past to help me and to reassure me and to try and help me with distractions and things but I think it is all getting too much for him.

carmen2012

26-10-12, 07:49

My husband does not understand at all! 99 per cent of our arguments are regarding my health anxiety and my constant need to self diagnose. He is the complete opposite and never stresses about being ill. Trouble is I have diagnosed myself with so many things, he now has a problem believing me when I say I am genuinely ill. :weep:

My husband is totally the same , he said that once I get reassurance from a Dr about one symptom it will go onto another one & he is so right .. However my symptoms are real but I have got to the point now that I daren't mention them to him as it cause's a row, he really doesn't understand how worrying it is for me...Family & friends don't know about my HA as I find it hard to talk about so he's the only one that I can turn to..I have had HA for 2 years now & he says that he want's the old me back..

almamatters

26-10-12, 15:58

Exactly what my husband says to me. He wants the old me back. I wish I could find her as well ! :weep: