Struggling

[speckles69uk]

Hey everyone,

I don't really know where to start to be honest, but I'm really struggling at the moment. For the past few weeks I've been slowly feeling worse and worse. I've been managing to distract myself and try and keep myself busy, but I just don't have the energy or strength to fight much more. I just want it to all go away and I want get better and have a life.

POSSIBLE TRIGGER - APOLOGIES IF THIS POST IS NOT ALLOWED

In the past one of my coping mechanisms was self harm. I managed to go a few years without doing it, then after some therapy a few months ago I started getting urges and hurt myself a few times, then it subsided. These last few weeks have really got to me, I have all sorts going through my head and feel like a complete failure, and that I'm never going to get anywhere with my life, so what's the point in fighting anymore. I know I should fight and not give in, because I should feel lucky that I have the chance, but I don't think I can do it anymore. My urges to self harm have become stronger and not last night but the night before I caved in. I feel so ashamed and guilty for being so pathetic. I know it's a terrible way of coping, but I needed to feel something and calm the emotions going on through my head. What scared me afterwards was some lack of control, I didn't get the same 'feeling' as I have had before and needed to continue and hurt myself more and more. Something inside me stopped me from going any further as all I could think was I'm not going to hospital for this and I don't want anyone to find me like this. I've managed to not do anything today, but I'm still getting the urges. I'm sorry if I've upset anyone or put a downer on things, but I really don't know what to do.

Rebecca

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi Rebecca,

So sorry your going through this, overwhelming stages of self harm, you got through this before and you will again. :hugs:

I can understand the urges being much stronger than before. and its a constant battle to get through. Well done for not doing anything today. that takes a lot of courage and strength. :yesyes:


I have faith in you and you will get through this. do something else that you are interested in, like reading a book, listen to music something that you like doing. to try and take your mind of things.

you've not upset me or pulled me down for having a good rant. I still get urges, and sometimes they are stronger than before. we just got to keep doing the other things that we put in place to help prevent us from self harming.

I know you can do this. right now you may not see it, you will get through this, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

[Serenitie]

I'm so sorry to hear that you are having such a rough time :hugs:You are going through a rough patch, but YOU WILL come through this!

You are a beautiful intelligent woman with a lot of resources to draw upon and a new group of friends who can empathise and support you through the ups and downs of your recovery. Do not be afraid to ask for help when you need it or pick up the phone when your mood is low or intrusive thoughts arise. You are not alone and you are in my thoughts Rebecca.

I look forward to catching up at the Leeds meet up next week :yesyes:

Huge hugs :bighug1:

Cat xxx

[Zingything]

I am very sorry that you are feeling this way, but as others have said , you have got through this before and you will again. I'll be thinking about you. :hugs:

[speckles69uk]

Hey everyone,

Thank you all for your replies. It really means a lot to know that there are people out there who are listening and care and don't think you're a freak for discussing this type of thing. You're all right, I did manage to stop before, so why can't I do it again. That goal seems so far away right now and really unachievable, I don't know if I'll ever get out of this pit. I am pretty rubbish at asking for help, it's probably the fear of being let down as I have in the past.

Thanks again :)

Rebecca

xxx

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi Rebecca,

you will get through it, just takes time, take small steps, and keep putting off self harming. and keep posting here to let us know how your doing.

sending you lots of hugs:

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

[Rls1994]

Hiya Rebecca, (Lovely name! :D)

I'm so sorry to hear about all these issues you are having to deal with at the moment! You're going through a tough time, but believe me, things will get better! I suffer from severe depression also and often think the same as you do. I can't cope with my depression either really, but having supportive family and friends really help.

You're NOT a failure or pathetic at all! You're a wonderful individual who will get through this eventually. Don't think this will last forever, because it won't. There are loads of people out there that can support you and help you with this.

You can message me if you like! I'm on here occasionally to check messages and stuff so feel free to message me if you want someone to talk to. :)

Hope you get well soon Rebecca! :hugs::hugs::hugs:

[Tyke]

Hi Rebecca

Sorry to hear you are having such a bad time at the moment. Do you usually see someone professionally when you feel as low as this? Is there anything you've had before in the way of treatment that is helpful when you feel down? Has something happened recently to make you feel this low - would counselling help?

I know when I need to see my GP and spot the signs. He is really good, very understanding and after a few weeks on ADs I'm okay. Someone I know really did end it all last week and I can't help feeling sad that he wasn't able to keep battling as he was so young and still had a good chance that things would get so much better. There is help out there, it's just very hard for people to reach out sometimes.

Really hope things improve for you soon.

Tyke :hugs:

[Sparkle1984]

Sorry to hear you're going through such a tough time. Have you spoken to your doctor about how you're feeling? I hope you're feeling better soon. :bighug1:

[Serenitie]

Hi Rebecca,

I've attached a list of online / telephone resources that may be helpful :hugs:

Selfharm.co.uk
www.selfharm.co.uk

We provide support and services both for young people impacted by self-harm, and for parents, professionals and others. We create a space where people impacted by self-harm can feel supported and we believe we're taking a big step forward with the services this site offers, enabling young people to find the help they need. Our expert panel is made up of professionals who have working knowledge of self-harm, and who kindly volunteer their time to oversee the website and participate in answering individual user questions. We also stand out because you can view biographies of all the people involved behind the scenes - we're putting names and faces to who we are what we want to achieve.

National Self-Harm Network
Helpline: 0800 622 6000
www.nshn.co.uk

Support for survivors and people who self-harm, as well as the people it indirectly affects, like family and friends. As well as supporting the individual NSHN aims to raise awareness of self harm, underlying causes, triggers and the many ways to offer support. We provide training to professional organisations, schools, universities, charities, user groups etc.

Bristol Crisis Service for Women
Helpline: 0117 925 1119
www.selfinjurysupport.org.uk

Charity supporting women in emotional distress, particularly those who self-harm.

Recover Your Life
www.recoveryourlife.com

One of the biggest and best Self Harm Support Communities on the Internet, offers help on a variety of topics surroundingself harm, including self injury, eating disorders, mental health issues, abuse and bullying, as well as drugs and alcohol and first aid.

Harmless
www.harmless.org.uk

Harmless is a user led organisation that provides a range of services about self harm including support, information, training and consultancy to people who self harm, their friends and families and professionals. Harmless was set up by people who understand self harm and at the heart of our service is a real sense of hope. We know that with the right support and help life can get better. We hope that you find this site a safe and helpful resource.

Young Minds
Helpline: 0808 802 5544
www.youngminds.org.uk

National charity committed to improving the mental health of all children and young people, their Parents Information Service provides information and advice for any adult with concerns about a child or young person.

Get Connected
Helpline: 0808 808 4994
www.getconnected.org.uk

Free confidential telephone and e-mail helpline directly connecting young people to services that can offer help and support, whatever the problem. Volunteers are trained specifically in speaking to young people.

The Site.org
www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/selfharm

TheSite.org is the first place young people should check for advice, information and support on sex, relationships, drugs, drink, health and wellbeing.

Samaritans
Helpline: 08457 90 90 90
www.samaritans.org.uk

24-hour emergency helpline

[Dnvgraphics2k12]

I feel the same way as you do (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/member.php?u=41947)speckles your not alone in this fight although you prob feel it thank you serenitie for the list of numbers great help xx

[Serenitie]

I feel the same way as you do (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/member.php?u=41947)speckles your not alone in this fight although you prob feel it thank you serenitie for the list of numbers great help xx

I'm glad that the numbers are helpful, Dnvgraphics. I have just responded to your post. :hugs:

[Tyke]

I am pretty rubbish at asking for help, it's probably the fear of being let down as I have in the past.

Hi Rebecca

So much depends on who you get to deal with. Some people you really click with and others you don't. If you don't feel you are getting anywhere with one particular person or organisation then try another or try several. Serenetie has put some good contacts on the posting above would you feel up to giving some of them a try?

Tyke :hugs:

[speckles69uk]

Hello everyone,


Wow, what can I say, what lovely responses. Just reading these comments has made me go all warm and fuzzy and I have a few tears in my eyes, you guys (and girls) are great. It means a great deal to know that there are people out there who actually care and understand. Thank you all for your offer of support. :bighug1:


I am quite proud of myself that I've been holding back from the urges even though they are quite strong, it's taking a lot of effort to refrain from giving in completely. Although I haven't self harmed in that sense since, I am using some other poor methods of coping, I'm not doing so well with eating, drinking and spending, but oh well, one step at a time I guess.


Thank you Rls1994, you'd have to thank my parents for picking my name, lol.


Hi Tyke, I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. My thoughts are with you and I hope you are ok.


I do see a psychiatrist, but not regularly and I have contact with my local CMHT. I do have numbers to phone, but I'm really rubbish at asking for help. I always say to myself, there are people out there worse off than you, so don't waste their time. I did have a terrible low a month or so back, similar to this and did reach out and contact them, but nothing really came of it, just a really long chat with 2 pdocs and a new appointment made. It took me a lot of effort and trust to do that, and to be honest it was pointless. So I really do feel like I'm wasting their time, but I so desperately want somebody to help me. I've seen 4 in a short space of time and feel like they don't know what to do with me or I'm a burden or something. To be fair one pdoc was moving to another location, another was going on maternity leave and the third one looked like he was learning and didn't look as if he knew what to do with me, so I now have the main consultant. I haven't contacted my GP, because I'm thinking, if my Psychiatrist can't help me then my GP won't be able to. I did have some CBT a few months back, which has helped with the panic attacks, but I'm not sure if I received the full course as it was delivered by a trainee therapist, then things got complicated and she practically said she couldn't help me with my other issues, so I was referred to my CMHT. My psychiatrist did mention maybe some other form of therapy such as DBT, but I haven't heard anything since. There's probably a long waiting list. I'm not on any medication, I did have fluoxetine about 10/11 years ago, but that didn't really work out. It all seems a bit of a blur, but I know at the time they didn't really work. My GP at the time was completely useless, she thought I was low and self harming because I was bored and a teenager, but she couldn't have been more wrong, I was doing it because I didn't know how to handle my emotions and felt like ****. All I wanted was for her to help me, and she chucked it back in my face. That's probably where my mistrust of doctors comes from (lol).


Thank you Cat for the list of links and numbers, I'll check those out and might actually plug up the courage to ring some of the numbers.


Thank you all again for your huge support. Hopefully I'm starting to make the right steps by just talking to you all on here and not holding it inside. :D


Take care


Rebecca


xxx

[BobbyDog]

Hey Rebecca,

Go and talk to your GP, perhaps there is a medication out there that can help you through this difficult time. Just tell it like it is and see what he/she comes up with, you have nothing to loose by doing this.

Sarah.xxxx

[Serenitie]

Thank you Cat for the list of links and numbers, I'll check those out and might actually plug up the courage to ring some of the numbers.



Give it a try, there is nothing to lose, Rebecca. I called No Panic Helpline this summer when I was really struggling. I'd never used a helpline before, but I got such help and comfort from the support they offered. It really helped me to move on and make progress :yesyes:

See you soon :bighug1: xxx

[speckles69uk]

Thanks Cat, I have spoken to the Samaritans before in the past, they do help by allowing you to talk and not judging you, but they're not able to give you advice or specific support. I had a look at some of the sites you suggested. I found nshn.co.uk, recoveryourlife.com, harmless.org.uk and selfinjurysupport.org.uk particualrly helpful as they were not specifically aimed at young people. Lots of useful information and advice.

Thank you. :)

See you soon

Rebecca

xxx

[oh no_1]

um um hi rebecca.
um um not sure how to write and gosh i must be feeling good andb brave to write this but um um i have um i have gone through same thing... um sorry cnt write anymore at this moment in time, i will try and write longer reply in a bit, sorry too much but there i said it.

[speckles69uk]

Hi Jemma,

I'm sorry to hear you've gone through the same thing. It's a horrible situation to be in and there is a lot of taboo about it, especially as a lot of people always seem to associate it with teenagers, so I can understand it being hard for you to talk about it, it was hard for me too. We're not alone. If you want to talk about it, just post here, pm me or text me.

Take care

Rebecca

[BobbyDog]

Hi Jemma,

I'm sorry to hear you've gone through the same thing. It's a horrible situation to be in and there is a lot of taboo about it, especially as a lot of people always seem to associate it with teenagers, so I can understand it being hard for you to talk about it, it was hard for me too. We're not alone. If you want to talk about it, just post here, pm me or text me.

Take care

Rebecca

I have been through the same thingl, 10 years ago now, there are more of us about than you think. Sometimes physical pain takes away the mental anguish that we are going through. Stay strong Rebecca, I know that you are.

Sarah.
xxxx

[speckles69uk]

Thank you Sarah.

You take care too.

See you soon

Rebecca

xxx

[Sparkle1984]

Rebecca,

It's a shame the fluoxetine didn't work for you 10 years ago. However, since then a lot more medications have become available - maybe one of these could be more suitable for you?

This is quoted from the citalopram survival guide: (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=46980)

However, what does not seem to be commonly known, is that of the people who do not get any benefit from the first medication they try, the majority (up to approximately 70%) will find benefits from the second or third antidepressant they try.

Take care and I hope you get the help you need. :hugs:

[speckles69uk]

Thank you sparkle for that information.

[oh no_1]

arrggghhhh thought my post on here deleted :( obviously not.

[Serenitie]

Thinking of you, Rebecca and sending you hugs :hugs: I hope you are ok? Get in touch to let me know how you're doing. I look forward to seeing you soon. Cat xxx

[Tyke]

I found Sertraline helped me. The side effects were rough to begin with, but after a few weeks it did start to make a difference. If there are delays or problems sorting out any counselling etc then medication might help bridge the gap and make you feel more able to respond to any help when it comes. If it works it you'll feel a little less overwhelmed and may then find it easier to use the helplines too.

The NHS are notoriously crap at sorting out counselling (basically they haven't got the resources in mental health) which means you are fobbed off when you need the help most. Don't let this put you off seeking help. It is their system which doesn't work and no reflection on how important they grade your problem.

Tyke :hugs: