Return to work anxiety?

[loopylu86]

So I rang work today to confirm that I would be back on Monday. There is no specific reason as to why I want to return (apart from money) but my sicknotes have all been for a week at a time..So every weekend the same anxiety come around. I haven't had a suggested phased return and haven't discussed it with the DR...I know it is my job to suggest this but during the conversation with my boss...I just agreed to come back on Monday...9-5:30. I am feeling anxious at the thought...I know it usually isn't as bad when there...but I just don't feel ready..or that I ever will be ready.
I do currently have flu and it is onthe mend but last night and tonight I feel anxious...infact..last night was quite horrendous. It is just an overall uneasiness for me...I feel quite relaxed mentally. Things are going easier and all I want is my routine back...I don't know why I reacting like this.

[MissHDynamite]

Hello Lu.. It is only a bit of apprehension.. absolutely normal for anyone to feel after being off for a while. Just think of it like this.. I will have a go and see how I get on, no pressure on yourself and if you feel you need more time, then take it but I suspect that once your in and your mind is occupied you will be buzzing.. look forward to catching up on the gossip :) x

[loopylu86]

Thanks for your reply. I think I am just worried because I was starting to feel very depersonalised and stress in July and then my nan passed away early August and I began having panic attacks between then and the funeral so I did what I had done 4 years ago when having attacks and went straight back to work to distract. This was not a good thing because the DP became really severe to the point that I felt so out of it in work and at my desk. I just broke down outside..rang in sick the next day and 8 weeks later...Here I am. I am feeling SO much better than at my worst but still don't feel 100% ....Part of me is thinking that getting back to work will be the thing I need to distract and get me back to my real old self (I feel half way there already)

The other hand I am worried that work will take me back down there again and that the pressure of having to be in a restricted place full time is making me anxious. Nowhere to run. Plus I need the money...I rent my house from my mum and I am 26. Abit too old to be kept here due to anxiety which I don't think my mum truly believes is a strong enough thing to keep someone from work for so long. I know this is just through lack of understanding but it really is worrying me.

[Annie0904]

I understand what you mean. I emailed work to say I will go back on 5th Nov and started shaking and crying straight away! i do have the option of phased return though. I guess once we get the first day over it may not be so bad. :hugs:

[MissHDynamite]

Just go at your own pace Lu.. your doing well and if you think it is pushing you back.. take more time.

And there is no age with anxiety, as you know Annie is 54 and I am 47 so don't be too hard on yourself and unfortunately people who haven't suffered with it just cannot comprehend how debilitating it can get xx

[loopylu86]

I felt really positive on the phone today and I am looking forward to it in many ways. The restriction and the thought of feeling anxious and not being able to leave is what worries me. I like to think that I can control it better now but I think we all know that when it gets too bad. There is nothing that can be done but wait it out.

[Annie0904]

The fear with me is that if I do feel ill at work I have to go and get permission from senior management before I can leave. Really hard when you can't face anyone and just want to run!!

[loopylu86]

I suppose all we can do is try! If I wake up feeling good...It is irrelevant..because I sometimes just get anxious with no conscious trigger and it lingers..It doesn't pass. Just comes from nowhere. lol. I just hope it all goes smoothly!

[Annie0904]

I hope it goes well for you. I think it is that we worry about what if it doesn't work out. I'm like Piglet "What if the tree falls down" And My hubby Is Pooh "What if it doesn't?" :doh:

[loopylu86]

Awww that's so sweet. I luckily haven't had a real panic attack in weeks. I think it's a good sign :)

[Annie0904]

I felt close to one today but have managed to keep it away. I think I got more anxious as well because my physio told me to practice walking on my toes. I tried last night and it was AGONY...they still feel sore today so I feel a bit like I have failed because I am too scared to try again :) I'm such a softy!

[Elle-Kay]

I think the anticipation is always worse than the actual doing of something. Good luck for Monday Lu, and let us know how you get on :) Don't forget that you are never truly trapped in any place/situation - no-one can make you do anything against your will x

[loopylu86]

I think the anticipation is always worse than the actual doing of something. Good luck for Monday Lu, and let us know how you get on :) Don't forget that you are never truly trapped in any place/situation - no-one can make you do anything against your will x

Thanks Elle-Kay. This is so true! I totally agree that it is never as bad. I also think I am just worried about it being like last time..but I have my meds now and am more in control of it all. I don't freak out as easily at everything. I do feel like these past 8 weeks have been so hard...but that I am finally approaching a better place. I honestly didn't think I would be in such a better place so soon. I feel more appreciative of the small things! xx

[Elle-Kay]

I've just done something either brave, or foolish... inspired by you guys being so brave in preparing to go back to work, I've emailed the office agency I used to work through when I was at Uni' to say that I'm available for work again. I've stipulated part-time, which I know will limit the offers, but I don't think I could work full-time again yet (certainly not in a non-heritage field job, anyway).

[Annie0904]

Well done Leah :D I must admit that every time I think of work at the moment I go weak at the knees!

[Elle-Kay]

I just hope they don't contact my previous office for any reason (they placed me there initially) as that could be awkward, lol.

[Annie0904]

I just checked my work email (silly thing to do before bed!!) there is an email from the heads PA to say she will arrange for me to meet with the head on the morning of 5th Nov :scared15:

[Elle-Kay]

Ahh, don't panic over that Annie - it's standard procedure from what I understand. Any employer has to do a back to work interview after an illness, to see if they need to help you re-integrate at all, and if there's anything special they need to be aware of :)

[Annie0904]

I have to go to see Occupational Health this Tuesday too x

[Sparkle1984]

I was nervous about returning to work after my sick leave, but it turned out fine in the end. Once the first week was over, I felt OK. Good luck for Monday! :)

[Tyke]

I think the best thing is to try and keep busy the weekend before you go back to try and distract yourself. If you don't plan anything you will end up filling the time in with worry (I've done it myself often enough). Once you are back take each day as it comes. Be pleased with the little victories - getting through the door, completing the first hour, getting through to lunchtime etc. It does get easier as time goes on. Then congratulate yourself afterwards and treat yourself to something really nice. You have earned it.

Tyke :)

[paranoidtree]

Lu, i hope tomorrow goes well for you, in fact i'm sure it will! i start my new job a week on Monday and although really nervous it keeps being interspaced with excitement which i'm hoping is a good sign! Let us know how you get on :hugs: