Derealisation.

[hannah26]

Hi guys,

I hope everyones ok.
Ok so I have had a tough time of it for the last month or so, I start on Citalopram and suffered badly from side effects. Oh my gosh they were terrible, they made me feel like I was going mad, I hve since been taken off of them because they just didnt suit me at all.
Touch wood all the physical symptoms have sort of gone now and my body feels ok.
The one symptom that has stuck around is the derealisation. I feel relativly normal most of the time and then all of a sudden I have this sense of everything looks a bit odd, like the world is going to hit me in the face any minute. I have sudden thoughts like "oh my gosh Im real, Im actually here on earth all this is real". I get sudden feelings of dread in my chest and then it pass's but I find that I am thinking about it a lot of the time.
I know that I have to distract myself and I am trying so hard but it just wont go away. Even when I am not panicking its there in the back of my mind, What can I do to get rid of this.
I get scared all of a sudden that I am just going to lose control and go so far into my own thoughts I wont be able to come back. That I will be completely lost in my own mind and go crazy. Its a scary thought and I cant seem to get past it.
Touch wood all my physical symptoms have sort of gone and I havent had a full on panic attack for quite a while now.
I want to be back to normal, back to what I was 2 months ago and I sort of am apart from this.
I just wanted to ask for others opinions, will this ever go away? Will I feel back to normal ever again?
Thank you in advance for any replies.
Hannah x x

[KK77]

This is something I sometimes get too and the best thing you can do is let it wash over you and pass. I think the 'dread' is a reaction to the sensation or feeling. It's all part of anxiety disorder anyway.

I think it can also be a delayed withdrawal symptom of antidepressants. Did you not try another SSRI apart from citalopram? A different antidepressant might have agreed more with you and helped.

[lauz_lea]

Hi Hannah, I've been where you are and I can say it does get better until one day you just realise you haven't had one of those moments for a while, and because it's been so long, you can't even remember what it's like.

It's very strange though, at the moment it's all almost like a memory for you. It's all still so recent that when it hits you, in that moment it's as if you haven't had a period of "normality", and it's almost like a super/hyper awareness of reality, but it all feels unreal.

If you're having periods of normality, you're already well on your way to recovery. That's not to say you won't have moments that are worse than others and last longer than others, but the best thing is to pay them as little attention as possible. Carry on as normally as you can - when you are very involved in a task, does it even enter your head? The answer is probably "no", it certainly is for me, so I try to keep busy, I've aquired a varied amount of new craft hobbies - there was no point in me doing something I could already do, it had to be something brand new to learn.

You will get through this, but I know how easy it is to feel like you never will, but before long, it'll be a distant memory.

Take care xxx

[Cocomademoiselle]

Hi Hannah, I have been where you are now, 5 years ago it started and never passed so my doctor put me on Citalopram 10mg, I think its the first one the GPs go for panic attacks with depression also because its a cheapish drug for them to prescribe first line. Well it made me so ill mainly mentally I felt unreal, sick, impending doom I had read that they make you feel worse before you get better but I thought this cannot be it. I held in there and took 2 more tablets on the next day and so on but it got worse and I had to stop I felt like I was going mad I was so scared. I went back to the doctor and said I never want to try an antidepressant again, he gave me Diazepam to take as and when needed over the course of 2 weeks and wait for the panic to pass......it didnt pass and the feelings and scared feeling from the Citalopram stayed with me. I thought I would be stuck like that forever :( 2 months passed of increasing anxiety the whole time, barely any sleep. Then the doctor suggested Cipralex (Escitalopram) which is supposed to be the same as Citalopram so the docs say but is it heck. The main reason they dont like prescribing it as it costs the NHS £40 odd compared to Citalopram which is about pence (ish). Anyway I broke down I was so scared to take it but I was rock bottom and tried it and waiting for the side effects to hit me, and nothing I had done other than a dry mouth. I began to feel the effects after about 1 week I could sleep and actually eat something. I feel they really did work and Im glad that I took the plunge and tried them and I always think imagine if I had never taken them would I still be suffering, who knows ?. Please dont let your bad experience of Citalopram put you off trying another one. I hope you are ok.