Where Does Your Anxiety Stem From?

[tonkaboy]

This is a question I've asked myself many times - why do I suffer from an anxiety disorder? After all, I'm intelligent, diligent, caring and compassionate. I have achieved a lot in my 46 years, I have a wonderful family, I have a job I find fascinating, working with aircraft, which are a life long passion and I've always been pretty successful at anything I've ever turned my hand to. So why do I feel anxious so much?

I think my anxiety is fueled by feeling of inadequacy - I'm not good enough and I don't believe in my self enough, even though the evidence of my successes are plain for me to see. I find it hard to feel confident.

I think the answer lies in my teenage years - I was very shy as a boy and didn't like to take risks. Asking a girl out was a big deal for me. I've never liked uncertainty and I relied on my parents to sort things out for me when I was challenged. They were very caring parents and allowed me to lean on them. I can't help feeling that their desire to protect me actually fed my lack of confidence. I wish now they had made me stand on my own two feet a bit more. That said, now that I'm a parent, I can appreciate that it's not that simple.

Anxiety is the hardest challenge I've ever faced in my life and I know no one can fix it for me, I have to do it for myself. That doesn't mean I don't accept help, I can and do, but the bottom line is I have to believe in myself if I'm going to beat this thing and that is the hard bit for me. As I think, this stems from over protective parents.

In my own mind, I'm a 46 year old father of two and shouldn't feel like this! Can anyone else relate to what I'm trying to say?

[Madgirl12]

I think a lot of mine comes from my upbringing, and also past experiences.

I know my parents love me, and provided for me well but they weren't really good at the 'emotional' side of parenting. Also, I was often made to feel like I wasn't good enough. My mum used to fly off the handle at the slightest thing. Nowadays I feel like I'm stepping on eggshells around people, especially authority figures like bosses at work etc.

Also, experiences growing up, school bullies, workplace bullies that kind of thing. You always remember the bad times and, for me, it's hard to shake off things that have happened in the past and realise that I'm not going to get in trouble for x, y or z.

[debbsi]

I think mine stems from my childhood, I have had a loving upbringing but my dad never really showed me any love and he has anxiety himself. I'm also from a small family. I had real problems with school, I now know had had attachment problems and separation anxiety, which wasn't recognised back then. I knew I could always rely on my mum to sort things out for me but one time she ignored a health problem i was worried about this has stayed with me since and now has become a phobia. Also I have a good life, great husband, great kids a lovely home, and I'm clever, attractive and a sensitive and caring person. I often think when will it all go wrong, surely I don't deserve all this?!
Deb x

[Tyke]

I think it's a mixture of upbringing and genes. We are probably predisposed to anxiety and events in our lives add to this to some degree. It's not all bad though, sensitive we may be, but I'd rather be like that than completely insensitive with no thought for anyone else. There are plenty of those about!

I have kids myself and I always thought they would never be anxious like me because I would give them something so much better. Well, I have managed to give them a much better childhood than my own, but they are all individuals with their own personalities and whatever I do doesn't seem to make as much difference as I originally thought. One child in particular is showing all the signs that she will be just like me and spend life battling with anxiety. Sadly she seems worse than I was at a similar age.

Tyke :lac:

[Tessar]

for me as well it's a mixture of upbringing and genes. not a very happy childhood (though i didnt acknowledge that had anything to do with it til i did therapy).

[ricardo]

Great question and i have discussed this with many a pyschiatrist and no one knows for sure. There are several theories but in my case I think I inherited itfrom my blood mother who was an alcoholic (though I have never drunk) and was loaded up with a mixture of pills.
She abandoned me at birth and it has been suggested that maybe the cause. i met her 38 years later and my blood father a year later(he was married at the time of my birth,my mother was 17 and unmarried) but that's another long story.

[tonkaboy]

Thanks for the replies. I agree some of it is genetic, my father was a terrible worrier - I'd never heard of anxiety then but I think he suffered. Some of it is learned behaviour though, again, an anxious parent has a big influence on their children I think. Trouble is, an anxious parent is also a very caring parent. A difficult balance, don't you think?

I had a happy childhood but was encouraged not to take risks and I think that has always stayed with me. I feel I can manage this anxiety thing if I can just find a bit more self belief.