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I have been going to a Talking Changes therapist for the past 5 weeks and only have one session left. At first I thought it was helping me but after yesterday I thought "All I have really done is talk and she has listened" It has brought a lot of issues to the front of my mind but they have not been resolved and I guess they can't be in my one last session. I am feeling really anxious and weepy again today. Yesterday the therapist said I seem very unhappy and yes I am. I just feel that life is always just going to be one big worry to me. I am going out for afternoon tea today and already it is making me panic. I have been looking through my CBT4Panic and I am determined to go but will I ever be able to do something without feeling so worried about it? I am so sick of this anxiety
MissHDynamite
27-10-12, 14:09
Oh Annie, I know where your coming from. Sometimes the talking does that.. What we really need is for someone to help us change our way of thinking not just talk about things and then leave us with it! Our other problem is that we are so sensitive to stress at the moment any little thing knocks us back. We can't just shrug it off like we used to even if it's not our stress.. we take everyone's on board. Have a good go at going out for tea tonight it might just get you back on the right path for a lovely day tomorrow :) x
I hope so..I will go because it is pre booked but just hope I don't end up crying and making a fool of myself x
Mountainclimber
27-10-12, 16:07
Try to stop thinking about what you are doing or going to do, You say your going for tea, and yet reading a book on how to cope. Really you just need to get out there and start living. The more you keep reading about panic and panic disorder, you will never break free because you keep telling yourself you have a problem when you don't. I wish you well
Hi Annie, I can speak from personal experience. Several years ago I did CBT for deep depression. It changed the way I think about things. I was able to change my behaviour - mostly stopping people bullying me but also pushing myself harder to do the things I was scared of (e.g visiting a big city, using public transport, giving blood). I even managed flying which I never thought I’d do.
So clearly CBT can pay off. I have "kept at it" & use the skills every day. I often wonder how I'd have survived otherwise. This literally changed my life.
So, here i am a few years down the line; back in depression; brought on by a bereavement. My childhood's still playing a major part in all this. The difference this time is, rather than doing more therapy I found a counsellor. I actually felt my CBT skills were still strong enough but knew I couldn’t do it alone. I needed someone to offload onto because otherwise I was very concerned for my future.
Talking for me has been very helpful & of course my counsellor has prompted me here & there.
But what I'm trying to say is, yes talking does help but CBT is, I feel, a crucial part of actually getting better. You say it yourself "It has brought a lot of issues to the front of my mind but they have not been resolved". Right now my advice is to seek out a therapist and work on the issues with CBT. You could go the self-help route but really it's an amazing experience to do it with someone who is very caring & can nurture you along the way. The rewards are worth it.
Hi guys: Yes I know what you mean about the talking in therapy. I feel like I'm paying an arm and a leg for therapy and when I leave I'm kinda thinking, but where's the therapy. I keep saying how do I learn to think differently, teach me, I'm willing to try but I can't get anything concrete that I can use in the moments of terror.
Annie, don't worry about the possibility of crying on your outing, if you cry you cry. I went out for my birthday in Sept. with a few girlfriends and I was in such a state--I was literally vibrating with anxiety, but I went, and I ended up falling apart big time. We all ended up talking about the hardest things we all have ever gone through and it was the most honest conversation we ever had. I don't know how old you guys are, but I am just in to menopause, and I feel like you know what, this is who I am and this is what I'm struggling with and I'm doing the best I can.
The other thing is sometimes even though you are anxious, other people can't necessarily see it even though we feel its written on our faces. So that may be of some comfort.
thinking of you and sending a hug
cos123
Thanks everyone. I know that the CBT does work so long as I can apply it. I had a cbt course about 8 year ago and I have to say that I was anxiety free for a year and it is the accident that I had in June that has brought everything flooding back! I need the cbt to help me through it again but don't feel the talking therapy helped me. I made it out for the tea. Was very apprehensive. Ate half a sandwich and half a scone and had a cup of tea. I started to become tearful after 20 minutes so my husband said we would go straight home. At least I got there when I thought I couldn't. I know I have an awful lot going on at the moment and I have got through it before so I can do it again. My husband just thinks I am being to hard on myself and pushing myself to get back to work when deep down I really know I am not ready either physically or mentally. Today is just a really bad day for me but tomorrow may be different, I hope so.
Ah Annie, its so hard, i know. I went through that with work too, trying so hard to go back to work and then the embarrassment of Sunday evenings to have to call and say I think I'll be out another week. The anxiety takes a terrible toll on our bodies. We are hardest on ourselves, that is so true.
We are all warriors in this fight on this site, and sometimes when I'm really struggling I try to think of some of the people on here pulling for me and wishing me well and it helps, if only a little.
I will think of you tomorrow and wish a better day for you.
cos123
Ah Annie, its so hard, i know. I went through that with work too, trying so hard to go back to work and then the embarrassment of Sunday evenings to have to call and say I think I'll be out another week. The anxiety takes a terrible toll on our bodies. We are hardest on ourselves, that is so true.
We are all warriors in this fight on this site, and sometimes when I'm really struggling I try to think of some of the people on here pulling for me and wishing me well and it helps, if only a little.
I will think of you tomorrow and wish a better day for you.
cos123
Thank you cos..I think I am going to have to go and see my doctor for another sick note. I had an awful night last night and woke early this morning really anxious and crying. If I still don't feel right at home I certainly won't cope with work.
I think that is the best thing Annie, you are not ready, don't allow anyone to rush you back before you feel you can do it, it's worse to go back then be off again. Xx
Try to stop thinking about what you are doing or going to do, You say your going for tea, and yet reading a book on how to cope. Really you just need to get out there and start living. The more you keep reading about panic and panic disorder, you will never break free because you keep telling yourself you have a problem when you don't. I wish you well
I don't care if the moderators delete this,but I read the above (especially in bold type) as being rather cruel to someone who is clearly in distress.In other words the choice of words could have been thought out better.
Hi Laura How are you this morning?
I took a diazipam last night but still didn't sleep well then woke up really panicky and crying. I was feeling so much better last week as well. I will see if I can get a doctors appointment tomorrow morning. I feel I can't win. I feel guilty being off work and that makes me more anxious but I know I can't cope with going back. My foot is still very painful, in fact it is worse since my last physio. xx
I have been going to a Talking Changes therapist for the past 5 weeks and only have one session left. At first I thought it was helping me but after yesterday I thought "All I have really done is talk and she has listened" It has brought a lot of issues to the front of my mind but they have not been resolved and I guess they can't be in my one last session. I am feeling really anxious and weepy again today. Yesterday the therapist said I seem very unhappy and yes I am. I just feel that life is always just going to be one big worry to me. I am going out for afternoon tea today and already it is making me panic. I have been looking through my CBT4Panic and I am determined to go but will I ever be able to do something without feeling so worried about it? I am so sick of this anxiety
Annie, i don't know how many different therapists you have been to, but though I am sure in many cases they can be helpful, but like you I find them a waste of time and money. I firmly believe that someone who knows you as a person very well and perhaps only understands your problem in a small way, is just as beneficial.I and you know most people without this illness don't understand what we go through on a daily basis, but just being with someone who you feel comfortable with is of great benefit, even if it is for a short period of time.
I don't care if the moderators delete this,but I read the above (especially in bold type) as being rather cruel to someone who is clearly in distress.In other words the choice of words could have been thought out better.
This comment did upset me Ricardo...I really wish I could just get out there and start living. It isn't that easy for some people. Thank you Ricardo I appreciate you for mentioning this. My booklet is also from CBT4Panic which is recommended on this site and really does help me.
---------- Post added at 09:22 ---------- Previous post was at 09:21 ----------
Thank you for your kind words Ricardo.
I don't care if the moderators delete this,but I read the above (especially in bold type) as being rather cruel to someone who is clearly in distress.In other words the choice of words could have been thought out better.
I agree actually, and I congratulate you for having the courage to say so Ricardo.
I'm sure Murphy's Law's intentions were nothing put good, but as with all advice & support that anyone gives here it must be remembered by the giver that not everything works for everyone. Each individual has to find their own way through this, and simply saying the equivalent of "shape up" without taking this into account is counter-productive and can be upsetting to someone who is already in a sensitive state. I also know that Annie is following a self-help CBT course, written by a professional therapist, and recommended by the owners here. I don't see this as being the same as reading A.N. Other book which preaches positivity & goes over the old ground about what anxiety is, without offering practical advice.
Thank you Leah, I am just really having a bad time at the moment and I have overcome it before so I know I can do it again but just really struggling especially with the physical pain caused by my accident (which was the trigger for this episode of anxiety and panic attacks). x
little scientist
28-10-12, 09:44
I think that is the best thing Annie, you are not ready, don't allow anyone to rush you back before you feel you can do it, it's worse to go back then be off again. Xx
Exactly what I did Laura, and it was a big mistake. I was signed off a week, went back for a few weeks but over that time I had numerous anxiety attacks which caused me to take sporadic days off. I simply wasnt ready to return and as a result got signed off again just this Thursday gone for at least two weeks.
Annie, take the time to get yourself better and don't rush yourself back? I too felt guilty having the time off, but slowly beginning to realise that I can't do my job properly unless I am well! Ie my health is more important and comes first.
Bug hugs to you Annie x
Thank you little scientist xx
Hi guys: re the work thing, for me going back 2 weeks ago has helped me. But having said that, I realized I only could have done it at the point where I started to eat again and was sleeping most nights. Annie if you feel a wreck both pysically and mentally I say don't go back yet. I was trying to go back when I was so weak my legs would shake just from the exersion of walking accross the room.
Mentally, I'm still pretty fragile and the chronic neck pain is not helping sitting at a desk all day, but at home, sometimes all we can think to do is assess how we're feeling and if that is crappy, then we get no where. Try to be as good as you can to yourself physically to at least get that part improving.
Hi Little Scientist, wishing you strenght and improvements too.
cos123
You are right cos...I can't even walk to the end of the street yet without being in pain so I guess I am daft to be thinking about going back to work where I would be on my feet most of the day and risking unruly teenagers standing on my foot!
paranoidtree
28-10-12, 21:53
Hi Annie, i agree that if you are not in the right place (physically, emotionally or mentally) then there is no point forcing yourself back to work as it will only serve to make you feel worse. You need to feel strong enough to do this and i'm sure your employer will understand and support you in this.
With regards to the counselling, i don't know if you have had much counselling before but it is quite normal at the beginning of working with someone to in some ways feel worse as you are talking out stuff that you may never have done before. the type of counselling you are describing is very typical of 'person-centered' counselling which is talking therapy rather than CBT which is more action based - it may be you need a mixture of both. and you may have some sessions where you feel you have just talked and not moved on but the very fact you are talking is healthy. i feel like this after my sessions but then realise i have understood my issues a little better.
I hope you feel better soon, especially your poor foot!
Hi Annie, i agree that if you are not in the right place (physically, emotionally or mentally) then there is no point forcing yourself back to work as it will only serve to make you feel worse. You need to feel strong enough to do this and i'm sure your employer will understand and support you in this.
With regards to the counselling, i don't know if you have had much counselling before but it is quite normal at the beginning of working with someone to in some ways feel worse as you are talking out stuff that you may never have done before. the type of counselling you are describing is very typical of 'person-centered' counselling which is talking therapy rather than CBT which is more action based - it may be you need a mixture of both. and you may have some sessions where you feel you have just talked and not moved on but the very fact you are talking is healthy. i feel like this after my sessions but then realise i have understood my issues a little better.
I hope you feel better soon, especially your poor foot!
Thank you for your reply. I am going to try to see my doctor today. What concerns me with the therapy is that I only have 1 session left and don't think 6 sessions have been enough.
paranoidtree
29-10-12, 10:02
i agree, 6 sessions of CBT which is very focused can sometimes be enough but 6 sessions of 'talking therapy' isn't very much at all. hopefully this can be extended for you.
It is a private counselor and she said I need 12 sessions but my work will only pay for 6. She said that she has never had anyone who has had so much traumatic events before and thinks I may have PTSD. I can't afford to pay for more sessions though because I am having to pay for private physio and my pay will go down to half pay in a few weeks. (The NHS physio was a waste of time).
paranoidtree
29-10-12, 10:10
In my own experience NHS normally is. Is there anyway your employer will extend what they pay for? Or could they pay for it and you pay them back over time? Like a loan of sorts? i had an employer do this for a training course i wanted to attend before.
I saw the NHS physio the day after I had my cast removed, bearing in mind my foot hadn't touched the ground in 3 months and my leg muscles were wasted. He took one of my crutches of me and told me to walk. I was in so much pain and couldn't do it. I cried and said I was really anxious. He then said that he wasn't a counselor and if I wasn't going to walk I was wasting his time!! My private physio has been fantastic and really patient and understanding.
paranoidtree
29-10-12, 10:22
does not surprise me at all! i think they are time poor but that's no excuse for poor bed side manners. it was the same after my appendix op last year. they before the op bit was ok, had the op 11pm, then the next morning when the consultant came round to check on me (this was about 9am) he poked me, didn't say anything to me and was about to walk off when i asked if it was appendicitis or not (as when i went for the op they still weren't 100%) and he looked at me like i was an idiot and said of course it was and walked off! Next thing i know it's 10am and i'm being told i'm being discharged! Barely given any information on what to do next, had to get the doctor out on the monday to tell me what to do next. Grr.
sorry for rant! I'm glad your physio now is nice though, makes all the difference.
They first removed my cast after 4 weeks and it hadn't started to heal so I had another on for 2 weeks and when they removed that I was in agony. The doctor told me to stand up and again I cried and said I wanted an xray first so he said "oh just take her for an xray!!" When the xray came back my fracture had not even started to heal so he said get another cast on and come back in 4 weeks!
paranoidtree
29-10-12, 10:40
and they wonder why we get upset!
Hi Annie
Sorry to hear you are having such a bad time at the moment. A couple of things that might be helpful:
* from my own experience, I found CBT much, much better than talk therapy - in fact, I found talk therapy really frustrating as it didn't giev me any solutions and just kept raking over things
* for the work issues, are you in a trade union? If you are, they cen help in supporting you back to work. I have been a senior trade union official for 14 years and one of the things I have noticed again and again, is that the longer you are off work, whether it's with a physical or a mental problem, then the harder it is to get back to work. What your employer should be doing is keeping in touch with you and trying to suggest ways to help ease you back into the workplace. Certainly where I work (in the NHS) they would be finding you alternative work that you could do whilst your leg is in plaster. I know this might sound a bit harsh to some people, but it does help as you feel as though you're doing something useful and you feel less "abandoned" which is what can happen to a lot of people
* if you're unhappy with your treatment at the fracture clinic, the hospital will have a complaints policy. The only way that things will get better is if people do raise stuff like this
* it is hard to learn to walk again after a fracture - I had to do it years ago after a severe road accident. I remember it taking me a long time to have confidence to stand on the broken bones again - but obviuosly they need to be knitted properly first! When the x-rays show that there is a decent callous on the bone, it is safe to walk on, but it will feel very odd and painful for a while
Thank you for your reply Blue angel. I am able to do a phased return when I go back to work but it is difficult for them to give me alternative work. (I am in a classroom mostly with teenagers with behaviour problems). I made a complaint to the physio dept. at the hospital. I know that really I am just getting impatient and there are other things going on in my life at the moment that is adding more stress. x
I have my counseling session at 1pm...this is my last session so I really hope I get something out of it today. I haven't had a good week this week. I start a new cbt course next week though so hoping that will help me to get rid of all the negative thinking.
Good luck today Annie, hope it goes well. Cbt is really positive and I hope you get a lot from it xx
Well I have to say that seeing the counselor has been a waste of time for me. I talked and she listened every week and today was the last session. Hopefully CBT next week will help me more.
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