Lots and so fed up I wanna cry

[johansaken]

I've been through a lot of stress lately, lot at school and work and all that. financial, with the family, with the kids and loads more. Anyway. Been suffering for as long as I can remember with HA. I been through therapy but havent spoken that much about it since I was in need of goin to DBT and focus on fixing my Borderline.

Now, I just feel so damn down. Im so fed up with being afraid of dying everyday. So fed up I wanna cry my eyes out. Lot of symptoms today that worry me. The usual feeling of random aches (chest, neck, shoulders). I suffer from a lot of stiffness in those areas I guess along with my back . Dizzy all day today. Bought multivitamin pills earlier (do you think this will help anything).
Yesterday, wooshing sound in ear freaked me out along with everything else. Its not present today.

:weep::weep:

I feel cold, like Im freezing, feel like Im shakin even thou Im not. Nausea, feels like butterflies in the stomach or like cramped stomach. Im just so damn tired of living in fear of this every hour of the day. I talked to my therapist who I hadnt seen in a long time, they will look into CBT but I know nothing at this point. Its amazing that I havent gotten any panicattacks yet, even thou I believe they ought to show up soon. Im so tired of it. I would like to tell my wife about it but I feel so silly and dont wanna be a burden.

[Annie0904]

These do all sound like anxiety symptoms. I think you should tell your wife how you are feeling, it will be good for you to have her support. Never think of yourself as a burden, you are not a burden..you are not well. Do you take any medication for anxiety?

[johansaken]

I have no medication, since I had bad experiences with ssri meds. I have Atarax but I fear taking them aswell. Reading now what Im writing makes me realize how "bad" I am still. Even thou I've come along way. This damn fear......

[Annie0904]

I know it is such an awful feeling. I couldn't take ssri's either. I take dosulipin which is a tricylic antidepressant

[johansaken]

How is that different? from ssri. Ssri feels so chemical.
I feel a little bit better. A lot thanks to you taking the time to reply to my concerns. Even thou the symptoms are there I feel a bit calmer. If it was 9/10 earlier its maybe 6-7/10 now

[Annie0904]

I am not sure how they are different I just know that the ssri made me worse but the other tablets work for me. I do still get setbacks now and again but I have been better for most of the time. I also drink Chamomile tea which helps and a use a natural remedy...Bachs Rescue spray.

[johansaken]

I will try that out. the tea. Its just so hard to understand that it´s anxiety. I should know this. Since anxiety has been a part of my life for so long. Of corse its gonna manifest as back/shoulder/neck pain. Tense chest muscles etc etc etc etc etc etc. Even if I know this it still buries me. You know what I mean

[Annie0904]

I am the same, my back, neck and shoulders. I go for massage to help with this, it is all tension.

[kittikat]

They say a problem shared is a problem halved...if you could find the courage to discuss this with your wife, I'm sure you would feel so much better. She may not find it easy to understand, but you could show her some literature about the condition to help her. I really think you need some support and understanding - someone you can offlaod to on bad days.

Hiding away and pretending you are ok when in fact you are not will only end up making you worse. I done this for a long time and ended up having a breakdown. It's been much easier for me now that my loved ones know.

I also had a bad time on SSRI's, used diazepam which helped but am now on an SNRI med which only gave me minimal SE's and I feel I am growing stronger every day now. I also have CBT which has been brilliant.

I know it's not plain sailing, there are still good and bad days but when I look back, I am definitely more on the other side of that black hole that I was falling into.

I do hope you get the help and support you so obviously need. Good luck.

Kitti :)

---------- Post added at 20:30 ---------- Previous post was at 20:29 ----------

BTW...like your signature....Muse fan??