A dodgy night....

[loopylu86]

So the past few nights I have felt the anxiety creeping in. Both nights I have fell asleep and woken with that awful highanxiety that leads to an attack. It is so alien and scary and I feel like my legs have a cold chill and that I might die. I managed to distract and fall back asleep but I just don't know why this is happening. I did agree to go back to work and I really don't feel ready. Not full time anyway. I want to go in for a meeting just to see how I feel just being there before going back. What do you all think?

[Annie0904]

I think that is a good idea Lu. I have been in a state today and I know it is because I have told work I will be back on 5th November. In reality I am know where near ready to go back. I have made a doctors appointment for 6th Nov (earliest one available!) just in case I don't get back on 5th.

[loopylu86]

I think I am just like you Annie. Pushing ourselves for too much too soon. I really want to go back to work but I have had about 20 days now attack free..I don't think considering the state I was in at the worst of it that this is enough time to be going back. I am doing it keep everyone else off my back. Because I have been able to do more recently than I did at one point..It seems to others that nothing is wrong. If I can do these things then I can do work etc. As you know...this just isn't the case. The things I choose to do are all things that I have carefully planned out and have reasons/excuses to leave or deadlines that I have set. I am definitely in recovery and feel SO much better but this is starting to make me anxious. x

[MissHDynamite]

Good idea Lu.. I know its a hard one because you wonder if staying off will make it harder in the long run but.. same as Annie, if you know deep down that your just not ready then take the time you both need to get a little stronger. You have got to get to the stage where you know that any little setback won't knock you back to square one. x

[Annie0904]

Me too Lu and I am thinking I need to put me first and say that I need more time. I think I have a couple of good days then think I can get back to work but really I need a few anxiety free weeks before I should even think about it. My foot is still really painful too so that just makes me worse. I will go down to half pay soon if I have more time off but my hubby just says we will manage some how and health is more important. I really think it is the thought of going back that has made you worse, you need more time..you are just getting over flu as well which hasn't helped. :hugs: x

[loopylu86]

I wouldn't be going back if my foot was still causing pain. You definitely haven't had long in terms of having a physical problem..like your foot! I feel too...that on good days I could be in work but I don't know how I am going to feel on Monday morning. I want to have a consistent amount of time were I feel better and feel that I still have other things to achieve yet..like eating out...etc. I just need to pass these hurdles first. Just like you said Miss D ...We need to be in a stage where we can't be setback. If I felt dodgy in work I would dwell and get worse and end up running out or something. Plus I do still have flu/mens! lol x

[Annie0904]

Last time I was off with anxiety I went back too soon and lasted half a day then I fled from the place in tears, just picked up my car keys and ran. I went back a few weeks later..still too soon and ended up locking myself in our office (I was the only one in it at the time) I didn't want anyone to see me...Luckily some of my colleagues understood and helped to sneak me out of the premises. I can laugh at it now but I felt dreadful at the time. We have to be sure we are over it before we go back Lu xx

[MissHDynamite]

Have another think over the weekend.. like Annie says our health must come first x

[cos123]

I think I am just like you Annie. Pushing ourselves for too much too soon. I really want to go back to work but I have had about 20 days now attack free..I don't think considering the state I was in at the worst of it that this is enough time to be going back. I am doing it keep everyone else off my back. Because I have been able to do more recently than I did at one point..It seems to others that nothing is wrong. If I can do these things then I can do work etc. As you know...this just isn't the case. The things I choose to do are all things that I have carefully planned out and have reasons/excuses to leave or deadlines that I have set. I am definitely in recovery and feel SO much better but this is starting to make me anxious. x


Hi Loopylu: do I ever identify with what you said there. I am doing better too some days but my grasp is shakey if you know what I mean. But my husband is already treating it like, ok great the crisis is over, she's fine now and is expecting me to get right back to normal. Like he bought tickets for a dance this weekend, everyone will be drinking and of course on the Cipro, I can't drink and I'm totally freaked about being in a crowd of like 500 people stone cold sober.
It's hard to walk when I fell like I'm just barely learing to crawl.
I'm glad to hear you're doing better though than we all were a few weeks ago.

cos123

[Angelica]

I have been out of work for 3yrs since my last job and keep putting off going back.. I keep saying I am ready now but when I start looking I start getting really anxious and stop. I actually found a job a few months ago even had a phone interview, then they called me for a one on one interview I panicked and declined told them I found another job... I just don't know what I am going to do cause I need the money...