View Full Version : Can I just have a family moan...
MissHDynamite
28-10-12, 15:23
Sorry but I just need to have a little moan.. Got up this morning, tidied all the house through, have done 3 loads of washing, dying and prepared dinner. All this feeling poorly, tired out, weak, shakey...
Whilst doing this my daughter and partner sat watching tv, with no offer of help.
The roast was in and the was just getting switched on when the daughter decided to go to the pub for hers. The other half is still sat down watching me struggle to keep getting up and down to check everything.
No offer of a cup of tea or any offer of help!..
Does anyone else get this treatment as is it a daily thing and of course it's all in my head.
Sorry for the moan.. saves an argument this end ... so thank you for listening :)
If you keep doing the things you keep doing, they will keep doing the things that they keep doing.:) Unless you ask for help, you are not going to get any. I say this speaking from experience. I say to my son "I do everything for you and get nothing in return", his reply is always "Well I never asked you to do it, did I". And truth be told, he didn't, it is just easier for me to do it all myself and then there are no arguments. I think you are is a similar situation to most parents. :D
Here, (hands a glass of wine) drink that, better? Hugs hunni, I know, it sucks doesn't it, I find I usually faft around for about 3 months doing everything, get taken for granted, then I explode and it's much better for a few months then it's back to faffing again lol. Lets have a wee scream together, ready?...............ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhh :) better???? Xxx
---------- Post added at 15:56 ---------- Previous post was at 15:52 ----------
I am now peeling tatties and carrots in between school uniforms looking after the kids, homework and housework, it's great to be off the weekend ..............pah!!!! Lol x
My daughter and her partner lived with us for 3 months earlier this year and never did a thing to help. I paid her partner to paint the staircase for me (the staircase that I was finishing when I fell off the ladder because he didn't get on with it). A few days after, they moved out. I guess because I couldn't do everything for them anymore. The next day after my accident her partner was in the house all day, got his own lunch and never asked if I wanted anything. Oh but it was my fault because I didn't ask. That's my rant over!! My anxiety is back with a vengeance today, I have cried most of the day. My lovely hubby is cooking dinner and I don't even think I will be able to eat it. :hugs:
MissHDynamite
28-10-12, 16:06
Thanks guys ..
And you might have a point there Bobby.. I don't ask, just plod on.. chuntering to myself lol.
And Laura.. nice wine that! ta :) aaaahhhhrrrggggghhhhhhh!!!!!!!!
Anyway.. he's eaten his.. I have plated madam one up just in case she fancies it later and mines in the microwave cos I feel too sick to eat it :doh:
And just to add.. I also did the pots!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks again xx
I'm the same not asking...but I don't think we should have to ask xx
MissHDynamite
28-10-12, 16:32
Yes, sorry Annie, your post wasn't up on mine when I replied earlier. I also don't think we should have to ask.. I would have automatically done it for my mum and automatically do it if either of these are feeling poorly but.. as my very independant daughter says.. that's why your like this mum! .. never look after yourself properly! :doh:
I have just had my stepson,wife and first newborn over here for 10 days.It's the same here.my wife has enough to do things for me and our sick daughter even though she is 24 and quite ill.. Don't get me wrong but they take over the hous and my stepson just changes channels if something on TV doesn't interest him even though we might be watching a particular programme.
It was nice to see the new grandson but I felt I could never relax in my own home and not for the first time they just invited themselves over.
my wife,bless her, says nothing, but I just have to bite my lip,otherwise there would be a row.
The kids today have it so easy compared to my generation when we grew up.
I have to say that having a stepson who is nearly 40 and having lived with us since he was 5 is something I have found difficult,especially after we had two kids of our own.He is autistic as well which makes things difficult but maybe because of my own condition I find him difficult to handle and can only have limited time in his company, but to be fair I am like that with most people. I wonder why ?
Helen I was the same just automatically doing things for my Mum. She worked full time and I came home from school, lit the fire and started cooking dinner every night. I have to say though that my 2 boys do help me a lot x
MissHDynamite
28-10-12, 17:37
Well I suppose they do help me in other ways (calmed down a bit now lol) and probably my fault.. I have always done everything for them.. and I made an effort to bring my daughter up a little different to me, just to make sure she didn't end up like me :doh:
It is funny actuallly... a few months ago I said to my counsellor.. "why are people so selfish?.. it seems to me that when your down, people (including friends) seem to just get on with their own lives without giving me a second thought" His reply was.. "why do you see that as selfish? they are just getting on with their lives".. I said "yes but I was always there when they needed me".. his reply was.. "Well they are not being selfish.. that is how people are" I still can't get my head around that :)
Helen they are being selfish!!!!! How can he say that's just the way people are, I bet he sits on his fat bum at home while his wife runs about after him and popping one Valium after another! I hate the fact that I am always there for my friends when they need me but it's never the other way round, mind you, I never could be so blatant to ask for help lol lol x
kiltyclogher
28-10-12, 17:48
annie just new here but i know many in same position, dont take this litteraly but granny use to say ' i'd see them under my feet first' which of course meant she would kill them, i am not suggesting you do that annie :D but this i would do every so often, i would not cook, and have a ready to go meal for myself:winks: if asked why, just say you were too exhausted, sick and sore to cook for three, kick in the bum annie thats what they need :mad: take care of you.......:flowers:
I agree with Laura, Your counselor sounds a bit selfish to me! They should be helping you when you are not well (in fact they should be helping even when we are well) xx
Well I suppose they do help me in other ways (calmed down a bit now lol) and probably my fault.. I have always done everything for them.. and I made an effort to bring my daughter up a little different to me, just to make sure she didn't end up like me :doh:
It is funny actuallly... a few months ago I said to my counsellor.. "why are people so selfish?.. it seems to me that when your down, people (including friends) seem to just get on with their own lives without giving me a second thought" His reply was.. "why do you see that as selfish? they are just getting on with their lives".. I said "yes but I was always there when they needed me".. his reply was.. "Well they are not being selfish.. that is how people are" I still can't get my head around that :)
It's not unusual at all.They simply don't understand the feelings we go through. If you walked down the street with an arm in plaster cast,everyone would ask you how did that happen. Maybe as they don't understand they don't know what to say as on the whole many of our feelings are never seen to an outsider.We develop a knack of hiding them, well at least I do, but occasionally I break down in company.
---------- Post added at 19:23 ---------- Previous post was at 19:17 ----------
Helen they are being selfish!!!!! How can he say that's just the way people are, I bet he sits on his fat bum at home while his wife runs about after him and popping one Valium after another! I hate the fact that I am always there for my friends when they need me but it's never the other way round, mind you, I never could be so blatant to ask for help lol lol x
Laura, I said on another thread that many counsillors are not that great. They study to obtain a degree or whatever but they generalise too often when in a one on one situation.
Most i have had sessions with haven't taken an angle which I hadn't looked up myself when I delved into it on the internet or in books.
MissHDynamite
28-10-12, 18:24
Exactly!!!! but he thinks not .. divvy lol
Just to give the exanple I gave him.. my best friend of 12 years lives letterally next door but one. For the first ten years (when I was well) she was single with 4 children, one of which is special needs. I popped every single day for a cuppa, a chat and to give her a hand with her house (she got in a rut) and the kids. just over 2 two years ago she met a chap (online).. although I must say he is great with her and the kids.. anyway, they got married last year. I was going downhill at the time.. had been made redundant, my partner had left and was struggling mentally, emotionally and financially and had lost my mum.
Bit long this. sorry lol.. However, one day, I was incredibly poorly and my daughter who was college age didn't know what to do and was a bit frightened and we needed some basic food in and she didn't want to leave me.. so she went to get "Auntie Lynn". She came in on her way to the shops .. 5 min walk away.. took one look at me, tapped my daughter on the shoulder and said "ring your grandad!" and walked out. Now bearing in mind she mentioned we needed some basic bits in and grandad lives 100 miles away.. well, is all I can say. Anyway, she left, met up up with her husband outside on my front grass, held hands, laughing and went to the shops!
I never really forgave her for that, more for my daughter and thought to myself.. I will see how long it takes for her to pop in to see how we are. You ready..................... 4 months!!! and she walks past my house every single day!!!
Anyway.. we still talk but only if I am on the front as she walks past.. and I have said to myself, the day she knocks on my door for help, I will say "Oh well, never mind" and shut it!
Not selfish.. just getting on with her life.. divvy :D xxx
I think it is at time like this Helen that we find out who our real friends are and I would rather have one really good friend than many who are not. My neighbours have been good and one of them brought meals for me when I had my plaster cast on but some who I thought of as friends have never even been in touch since I had my accident in June and yet when ever they have been ill I have been the first to offer help. xx
Oh I am going through the exact same thing, my friend of 18 years is anxious like us, she moved right beside me 5 years ago, I was there every day for her, we worked opposite days and I offered to look after her girls to save her money on childminding, I had her girls for 3 years, have them dinner 3 nights a week, had them when they were off school ill, never took a penny (not that I was offered) then my friends girls were big enough not to need me anymore, that was 2 years ago, I could count on two hands the amount of times I have seen her since, I was there for her when she was a mess, now she hasn't bothered her arse with me. I am really bitter about it, feel resentment and used every time I see her x
MissHDynamite
28-10-12, 18:38
I know Annie.. I find it unbelievable sometimes but what can you do. It doesn't stop us hurting about it though. Note to self < toughen up love! :D
---------- Post added at 18:38 ---------- Previous post was at 18:36 ----------
That is so bad Laura.. well I hope you do the same back the day she needs you again xx
You know what Helen, she text me last week to pick her girls up for her, I did it, bloody mug that I am. Lol lol lol x
---------- Post added at 18:42 ---------- Previous post was at 18:40 ----------
I can't be that kind of person, I feel good to know I have made someone happy or helped someone struggling, if I just said no it would play on my conscience. So I can't win really. Why can't we all be mates in real life, living close bu, we are all bloody lovely!!!!! Lol x
MissHDynamite
28-10-12, 19:15
Noticed she text you.. probably too ashamed to ask you to your face lol. And I know what you mean, it is hard to do the same the same and why should we lower ourselves lol but still you say no once in a while just so they know what it feels like :)
ps.. I haven't said no to anyone yet lol x
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