View Full Version : Given Up On My Life
Well i have pretty much given up on my life. There is no more light at the end of the tunnel. My emetophobia is ruining my life:(. 6 months i have put up with all this crap and i cant take it anymore. The constant nausea the throat feelings me being underweight. Its never ending. I cant take it anymore. I truly do not see it getting any better. I've waited long enough it wont. People always say o dont worry it will get better well its not:(. I just want it to go away but its not. I want my life back and i cant take it back. My social life well there is none with the COUNTLESS excuses i make up to why i cant do things. Is this how it is going to be till the day i die? Why bother living if im going to be stuck in my house till the day i die. I cant seem to find anyone who can help me. I want answers and i want this gone. But it doesnt seem to be happening.[V]
hi caitlyn, you seem pretty upset and annoyed today. try not to let your negative feelings get the better of you, there is always hope and many have recovered and got better. why do you think your time wont come?
i can only advise you to carry on trying, keep on posting and sharing your feelings, hopefully it will help you cope.
wishing you well, take care andrew
Caitlyn,
you are only young love and have so much of life ahead. things will get better for you in time. The trouble is you have all your hormones to cope with [like some of us older ladies] as well as everything else. Are you keeping a diary? I started one the other day as is advised and am going to chart my progress in it. notice I said progress - I know how hard it is to look at the positve side:).
Take care and just take one day at a time,love Tess xx
sweetwater
07-06-04, 09:39
Keep hanging in there Caityln...and keep talking no matter how morbid...i find it always helps me, just to let it out...the thoughts...once you put them in to print...you can be objective about them...you'll be ok...just little steps for now ok? love to you all.
Hi! I completely understand how you feel. I sometimes feel like this too. I just walk up and down the street thinking how I can't go one like this. My social life is too very miserable and I am only 16! Teenagers go everywhere, disco, parties, but not me!!!!
Keep fighting.
better days will come, I'm sure
Ana
This isnt looking to good guys. I have no life ahead of me i runined it all. I cant take this anymore at all. I just gagged on my food and had to force myself to swallow it down to keep me from throwing it up. I'd rather die then throw up. Ana the sad part is i have no social life by choice, i dont want to hang in there....i want to disappear.
Caitlyn
Caitlyn
You have made a positive step by making yourself swallow the food. I cant imagine how hard that has been for you but remember hon you did it, you didnt have to make yourself eat knowing how you feel but YOU DID. That takes courage. Someone who is ready to give in completely wouldnt have done that, but you did. Remember how many people care for you and with all our support you will get all the help you need. Caitlyn give yourself some credit, you deserve it. I know how easy it is to be too hard on yourself and crucify yourself, but girl you have got spirit by trying to eat and talking to us. Hang in there, might sound like youve heard it before but keep fighting as things will get better.
Sal xxxx
Hi hon
Cant settle worrying about you. Hate to see someone feel so low and desperate. Please dont give up and remember your life is worth living even if you need all the help in the world to get you through this. Try to be strong even when you feel like you havent got the will left to fight it. We are the only people who can decide our fate, so please give yourself a chance.
Lots of love Sal xxxxxxxxxx
But im too exhausted to fight anymore. 6 months doesnt seem to long but it is. I gave myself a chance. I've been given to many and its a miracle that nothing bad has happened. It sucks that your in the UK lol. Its only 8:53pm by us its got to be like 1am by you. So i force my food down i dont look at that as a "good sign" I shouldn't have to force it down i should just be able to swallow it no force needed like normal people do. I guess i just have to face the fact that im not normal and i probably wont ever be. What did i do to deserve this?
Caitlyn,
We all present with anxiety in different ways.
Yours is associated with emetophobia, others have agorophobia, claustrophobia, a whole range of different problems.
BUT, it all boils down to the same thing - anxiety in whatever shape or form.
We have all felt on many occasions, that we can no longer go on living the restricted life that we are.
We all think that something bad will happen and that we have lucky escapes every day of our lives.
But, that is the way in which anxiety affects our minds.
Nothing bad will happen to you. You will live through today as you have lived through the last 6 months.
We all have a lot of reasons to carry on living, even if we are restricted in our lives.
Are you getting any councelling, Caitlyn, as I think that this would prove to be very beneficial to you.
I can't tell you how long it will take for you to see some light at the end of the tunnel.
Anxiety has no healing time as would say a broken leg.
As Sal said, give yourself a chance. Be kind to yourself and go with your feelings instead of trying to fight them.
We will help you as much as we can so keep in touch
Kate x
Hiya Caitlyn
You say 'what did I do to deserve this'?
Thats a question that we all ask ourselves at one point or another.
It was 2 years ago today that I had my first panic attack and im still suffering the after effects, I had a great job, great social life and had been married less than a year and BAM it all went wrong. Im left with forcing myself to go out each day, not bacause I want to but because i HAVE TO if I want to get my life back.
If I dont try im going to be a very lonely old lady and I dont want to live my life like that.
You have to never give up and keep trying. Thats the worse thing about suffering from an illness like we do is that it takes time. It doesnt go away overnight and thats the hard part. You want to be better NOW but it doesnt hapen like that does it? You have to work at it.
Do your parents know how you feel and support you in any way?
Take care and please let us know how you are today!
love Sarah
xx
we arent mad, just the next stage of evolution :)
Caitlyn,
there is no should or shouldn't way to feel [so Meg says and I believe it]. There is only how you feel today. Are you keeping a diary love? It might just help to show the better times and chart your progress. Eating for you is an acheivement and will give you the physical strength you need to deal with this thing. We are all routing for you here and you are in our thoughts.
lots of love,
Tess xxx
Hi Caitlyn
I understand that you shouldnt have to force your food down, and in no way am i saying that it will be easy. But like Kate says we all have restrictions on our lifes, bit in some way or other we keep persevering and trying to overcome them however hard things become. I agree you shouldnt have to force your food down, just like i agree that i shouldnt have to suffer with panic attacks where i have to give my daughter to someone to look after because i cant cope with her and have horrible, scarey thoughts about what might happen if i lose control. Like Kate states at the end of the day all our problems boil down to anxiety, anxiety we would all choose not to have, but we dont seem to have that choice. None of us have done anything to deserve how we feel, its out of our control why it happened but the one option we do have it to try and control it, beat it and live with it. No it isnt a good sign you have to force food down, but its a good sign you are forcing the food down rather than not eating at all. That would be giving up and you have done that, so there is some inner strength there. Please dont be so hard on yourself and feel like you are been punished. You are an individual person but you are by no way individual in how you are suffering. Keep asking for our support, dont give in and remember somewhere along your way you will see some light. Take care.
Sal xxxx
Nope im pretty sure my light is broken. Life sucks and mine is the worst. Im not fighting anymore. I dont care i dont want to 'pull through, things will get better, you have inner strength' if i had strength this wouldnt be happening to me in the first place if i had strength i wouldnt spend my time hiding in my room watching tv or coming online. Im done im not fighting anymore if this is the end then its the end....i dont care.
Caitlyn
Your life isnt the worst. You are fighting because you are still talking to us here about how you feel. If you had no strength you wouldnt be even coming on line for help. Take a good look at yourself and remember people care about you, do you want them to hurt like you. I very much doubt it hon. However **** life gets people care, dont hurt them like youre hurting yourself.
Sal xxxx
Hi hon
Just popped on to see how you are. Please give us a chance to help you. You may feel people dont care, i am not sure what you feel about that but here on this site you can see we do. We at times may not say what you want to hear or say the right things, but it is done in your interest and us trying to help you. If you ever need to talk day or night, obviously you are at different times, email me and you can have my numbers. Dont give in hon, you are not alone. Just keep talking.
Sal xxxx
Caitlyn
I have times when I think my life is the worst on the planet but I have to put it in perspective. There are some peope on this site that never leave their houses so it makes me realise how good im doing.( I never left my house for long periods last year).
I was in such a dark depression, wouldnt eat, couldnt sleep, had many panic attacks each day it was awful, I didnt want to carry on.
BUT!!!!!! I am so much better this year its hard to imagine I was that person.
There is ALWAYS hope, you just have to help yourself. You might not feel like it now but one day you will just click and you will start on the road to recovery.
take care
Love Sarah
xx
we arent mad, just the next stage of evolution :)
I need someone to make my emetophobia go away. Not through breathing exercises that dont help me not through rescue remedy that my mom still hasnt even bothered to call the doctor about yet. I really do appreciate your help and care but really what is there to do. I cant help myself i dont know how and frankly no one else does either. Thats professionals im talking about too. I know people care about me but it still doesnt change the fact about how I feel. The anxiety attacks are really bad now. I've also had 2 panic attacks. My throat feelings are back and they make me feel nausous and it freaks me out because of once again EMETOPHOBIA. My stomach hurts EVERYDAY. I know lol i shouldnt put this in but i dont have normal "stools" SORRY LOL BUT I HAD TO SAY IT. That in turn freaks me out. I often feel sort of of a burp sensation in my chest but i never burp no matter what i drink. I gag on my food. What the hell is the point in living lol why if its going to be like this?
Caitlyn
It wont be always like this thought. You are having such a bad time at moment but that doesnt mean it will last forever. We need to work through it and give you all the support we can. You have suffered for six months, a long time in how bad you feel but not a long time to give yourself to recover. Can you honestly say without trying your life is going to be like this forever, no hon you cant so that is why you cant give up now. We all have reasons to carry on, even in the darkest moments we cant see them. Hold on to your good times and dont forget them, you got this far so you cant give up now.
Sal xxxx
I dont want all the symptoms anymore though. I hate them i hide in my room because of them. Now along with the stomach aches, anxiety/panic attacks, gagging, throat feelings i now get to have the best one of all dizziness. All day on and off. Just adding to my worries. Afraid its something a lot worse like an inner ear problem or even worse Vertigo. I hate this.
Caitlyn,
the dizziness is likely to be due to over breathing [many of us get it with panic]. Meg will no doubt help you on this as she knows all about it - I'm still dancing in the dark myself:D better give that up quick or I'll be breaking the other wrist LOL.
are you going to see your doctor soon? He/she will help you manage this I'm sure. At the moment you can't see the wood for the trees [that's a Brit expression I think]. You will get better. Have you started a diary yet? That could help too.
take care,
love Tess xx
Im not over breathing though, i just got dizzy out of no where. But because i am im going to work myself into a panic because im scared it could be something worse like vertigo or an inner ear problem.
Hiya Catilyn
The thing about over breathing is that we dont often realise we are doing it. There could be many reasons why you are feeling dizzy at the moment. It could be overbreathing or a simple thing like a change in air pressure or lighting or standing up too quickly. None of these things will harm you. Ok they feel terrible at the time but it passes with me as im sure it does with you.
As with vertigo or an inner ear problem, you really need to see your doctor to put your mind at rest(neither of these is life threatening remember). Get you mum to take you and ask about the rescue remedy at the same time.
Go to the doctors with a list of your problems and what you want to ask him/her. its so easy to forget everything when you are in there.
take care hon
we all care about you!
love sarah
xx
we arent mad, just the next stage of evolution :)
Well im suppossed to be going to the doctors on thursday. There is a few things wrong with that. There are all because of my abnormal thoughts. Im afraid to go because im afraid they are going to weigh me and im going to see that i lost more weight. Now i dont see how even though these past few days have been a little rocky on the eating part before that i was eating perfectly fine. So i dont see how that could happen but i just so afraid it is and they are going to put me in the hospital. Now that is enough to make me sh** my pants because all i keep thinking is they are going to put a tube down my throat. That wont even make me gain weight because i will be to busy gagging and puking up the nutrients to gain any weight. Im emetophobia i dont want to throw up o god no i dont. So thats why i keep putting off going to the doctors. There is also something else with the vertigo n inner ear problem i dont care if it is life threatening one of the side effects of it can be vomiting i'd rather have the life threatening disease!
Hiya Caitlyn,
Ok I see what you mean about the side effects of the vertigo etc, sorry I didnt mean to sound so dissmissive of it :) I know it must scare you.
As for the losing weight thing...are you underweight for your height?
Unless you are seriously underweight they wont even consider giving you any kind of food supplement that involve tubes etc. ( I used to work in a hospital lab making food bags etc for people who wouldnt/couldnt eat so ive seen it before)
A lot of people who have panic etc do lose weight more easily because of all the nervous energy they have so it might be that in your case.
Please go to the doctors and get some help, go with the list I mentioned before and they will help you all they can.
Ok im off to bed now, its late here!!!
take care
love sarah
xx
we arent mad, just the next stage of evolution :)
Hi Caitlyn
read all your posts and you are getting some good advice. We understand that you cant stand the thought of vomiting, but we can work through that and you do need to go to the doctors and get some advice and support. You are going through major stress at the moment, so everything you feel will be highlighted to an extent out of your control, or so it seems but you can get it back. Not saying it will be easy, but with the support of family, friends and us, you will see that light. My first suggestion to you, (not wanting to sound harsh if seems that way hon) is that you are not along in how you feel. You havent got a disease that no one else knows about, there are others here who can help you. There is no magical overnight cure, but there is a light, its not terminal hon. Sorry if i have come across harsh, that is not my intention at all, i am just trying to help you see your are not alone. Anxiety in whatever form you suffer it can feel life threatening but it isnt and with sheer determination and support you can get to lead a better life. There are no guarantees in this life, but there are choice that no one can take from you. No one can take away who you are, your personality, how you feel, but they can help you build them up to how you want to be. I am a very anxious person and i have really nasty thoughts that kill me. But a few years ago i lost my best friend ages 29 due to cancer, before she died she said something that will stick with me forever. She told me that however bad i feel i can get help, what im suffering from isnt terminal. She could ask for all the help she wanted but no one could help her, even if they wanted to. She was told she had 3 months to live and no one could chance that for her. We might feel at times we dont want to live in 3 months if we feel like that but we can change our thoughts and if we need medidation it can help. Any medication Sarah was given couldnt help her whatever she wanted. Maybe you think i am been too heavy and putting it on the line, but in my job i spend my days trying to convince people the reasons to carry on fighting and believe me some of them have no reasons at all. Time is a great healer and you are a lucky one that however much time it takes you have got it. Remember hon "even your darkest hour only lasts 60 minutes". Some people dont get that 60 minutes but we do. Life isnt a dress rehearsal its what we make it, even if along the way we have to fight it at ever corner, but corners always turn in to straight roads.
Maybe this has been too much for you but this is me trying to help you.
Here for you and will be when ever you need some encouragement.
Lots of love Sal xxxx
Sarah,
Yes i am 5'0 and i weigh 76 lbs so yes i am underweight i swear tubes will be the last thing i do.
Sal,
Gagging and being dizzy are really unbearable symptoms. Dizzy freaks me out and i end up panicing and gagging is bad because i have to keep grabbing my throat. If i eat i gag if i dont i risk losing more weight. Viscious circle. Plus i get A LOT of crying spells.
Hi Caitlyn
You are right anxiety is a viscious circle but it is also a circle we can break. You will be sick of hearing how it takes time, but its the best healer. I get dizziness with my anxiety and it is something at the time you feel you cant control, but if the worst happened and you did faint, would anyone point and say oh there is a mad person losing the plot. No they would come to your help and think logically (how we dont) and think god she has fainted. It would never enter their heads that it is because of a panic attack and if it does, its someone who has found you that understands. Crying isnt a bad thing either, it releases pent up tention that we all need to let out. I used to think if i cried i was a failure and to be honest still partly feel that. But i made a step forward recently and cried when talking to someone on the phone, ive never done that before but at the time i couldnt stop myself. It has bugged me for days that i let myself go, but on the other hand i acted as any one would. If we werent meant to cry, tears wouldnt have been created. No different to walking, if we werent meant to do it we wouldnt be able to. Everytime you feel anxious break it down and compare it. Never judge anxiety on its own. And when you compare it however hard it feels remember how much worse of you could be hon.
Sal xxxx
april tones
10-06-04, 16:32
hi caitlyn, are you on any meds? love april x
apriltones
nomorepanic
10-06-04, 19:48
Sal
Personally I loved your post - it was very thought provoking and I agree with all of it.
Alex and I sat and watched his dad die of cancer and I thought "thank god that isn't me - I can at least do something to help myself, he can't", so thanks for reminding me of that! We all can get better, those with terminal cancer can't and have no choice.
Great post Sal.
Caitlyn - you really need to seek some help as it seems that this is taking over your life. We can offer advice on here but we aren't trained counsellors and do not want to cause you any harm.
Have you read many of the posts from fellow sufferers - perhaps you could email some of them as well. I will look the posts out for you if you want. A fellow sufferer will be able to completely understand what you are going through. Let me know ok?
xx
Nicola
April,
No im not on any meds
Sal,
I just found out i lost more weight, why if im eating. WHY!!!!!!!!!!
Nic,
No one else i think has lost as much weight as me thats my realy problem along with the gagging and nausea and dizziness.
Caitlyn
You really need to go to your doctors and get some professional advice, they will probably refer you to a specialist in that area, you need to get all the support you can to get through this. There could be a number of reasons why you are losing weight and it all could not be anxiety related but you need to see a doctor to get some answers and along with that you will get some self reassurance. Please dont think hon that no one else has lost as much weight as you, you dont know that for definate and there will people who are suffering just as bad as you or even worse. We are going to have to help you change you way of feeling, because at the moment you are making youself very isolated, not in a way that your not talking, but you are putting added pressure on a problem that carries immense pressure to start with. You need to learn to accept that how you feel you are not alone. And once you yourself can accept that you are not alone in how you are suffering you will maybe gain some confidence from the fact that is isnt just happening to you. Speak soon. Take care.
Sal xxxx
nomorepanic
10-06-04, 21:17
Cailtyn
You probably feel dizzy and sick cos you are not eating the right things. We need a balanced diet and not just any old food. Are you on any supplements atall?
Others may have lost weight - why not contact some and ask them ?
Nicola
Caitlyn
How are you feeling at moment hon. Really read your posts and realise how many people want to help you and take on board the good advice you are getting.
Even your darkest hour only last 60 minutes!!
Sal
I know everyone wants to help duh i never doubted that, the problem is and this isnt their fault is that their help isnt helping. I like talking to you guys and venting and stuff but still you see through my posts things dont get better, and i highly doubt anyone with emetophobia was as severely underweight as i am. My darkest hour ::snort:: more like darkest months. 6 1/2 months to be exact.
Hiya Caitlyn
Even if we are not helping to get you better, at least you can talk to us and let out how you are feeling then eh?
love Sarah
xx
we arent mad, just the next stage of evolution :)
hi caitlyn
i hope you dont mind me butting in on your post but my heart goes out to you, you're having a really tough time.i feel that from your posts that you are tired of all these problems and feel like giving up. believe me thats not the answer... i've felt the same way,ive been bulimic, had depression, i could go on and on but the point is that you are on this earth for a reason and its not to suffer. dont accept it get angry.... then point your anger at your issues. you can do this, you have to get hold of yourself and say, thats it i've had enough now i'm gonna change it. its so difficult i know and it wont happen overnight,but at the end of the day only you can make the decision
xxx grace
Sarah,
I said that already lol even if you cant help me its means a lot to just talk about it.
Grace,
I always do that. I always get mad at myself but its like the minute i feel nauseated or get a stomach the fight in me leaves because im so terrified i will get sick.
Caitlyn
caitlyn
i dont mean get angry at yourself,get angry at your issues, refuse to accept them. you have to be gentle with yourself, you've gone through so much and you're still so young.
but you're doing it sweetie, you're on here getting advice and you're trying to beat it. when i was bulimic i didnt tell a soul for 4 years,do you know why, cos i didnt want to get better then, i was happy in my little routine however dangerous it was. but your not cos you've made the giant step of talking about it and seeking help.
you've got spirit,that shows, so put that to use.
xxx grace
Caitlyn
Like Grace says dont fight with yourself, fight with your problems hon. Havent got any advice at mo as having a really bad day myself. You take care and if we can help we will, just hang in there hon, you are worth much more than giving into it.
Lots of love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal,
Sorry your having a bad day. Hope it gets better.
Grace,
I want to get better but at the same time im not sure if i believe i can.
caitlyn
i know you want to get better sweetie, if you're not sure if you believe you can thats ok. i believe you can and i bet everyone else on here believes you can as well. why dont you look over these posts again and take out all the info that people have given and make a plan. plan a diet thats gonna be good for you,maybe little snacks often throughout the day. plan some relaxation techniques,maybe taking a bath with lavander oil in (my favourite).
it wont be easy i know, but nothing worth having is. you just have to take it one step at a time and you will do it.
you have lots of people who want to see you get better and want to help, your mam,your doctor, everyone here,but it has to start with you deciding that you're gonna kick this into touch.
xxx grace
Im starting to get worried i've been having chest and stomach pains.
nomorepanic
12-06-04, 19:06
The stomach pains are maybe because you need some food. Have you eaten much today?
The chest pains are a common complaint of anxiety/panic as well.
Nicola
april tones
12-06-04, 19:29
hi caitlyn, have you thought about meds? i think they could really help you. love april x
apriltones
Yup yup thought about meds ALOT!!!!!!!! Scared about the Nausea and Vomit side effects though. Yes Nic i did eat a lot 2day. 3meals. Developed a new symptom isnt thatlovely! Its this feeling that i feel like im going to dry heave or something then i feel nauseated.
Hi there Caitlyn
Don't beat yourself up about feeling so bad. Maybe it would be worth talking to your doc about meds at least. I'm no medical expert but it could be possible that he or she could give you something to stop the feelings of nausea the first couple of weeks you take the meds (if that is what you decide is right for you) when the side effects are most likely to be felt. Just think what it would be like if the meds did work ...
Glad to hear you have eaten well today, you have something to be proud of there and as Grace says, you ARE a fighter so please don't despair, you won't always feel like this
Take care
Jo xx
april tones
13-06-04, 21:22
hi caitlyn, i had the nausea side effect but not vomiting. I was scared to take the tablets because of side effects but i got so bad i had to, im so glad as i couldnt have carried on like that! try talking to your doctor, there might be something he can give you to combat the nausea?
apriltones
Here is another problem...how can i swallow tablets. Im afraid to. I gag. How am i suppose to swallow meds, i dont know if i can handle the side effects.
hi caitlyn,
my daughter used to have terrible problems swallowing tablets, i used to crush them up and put them in a teaspoon of jam or honey.
try not to worry about the side effects too much, you can deal with that if you get any and i'm sure you will get lots of good advice on here about it. try and focus on your end result and how much better you will feel.
hope your doing good today
xxx grace
Hi Caitlyn
How are you feeling today?
I too used to gag when given tables (somehow I managed to get over it but not until I was about 20). Its true that crushing them up can help -that's what my mum used to do for me. Worth a try if nothing else.
Love Jo xxx
When you crush them up...what do you put them in. Im not to fond of jam or honey i was thinking pudding would that work??
hi caitlyn,
you could crush them and put them in anything i would think. probably something you dont have to chew is better.
how are you doing today?
xxx grace
Hi Caitlyn
If you like pudding, then sounds a great idea although I guess a softer sort of pudding would be best.
Hope you're feeling OK today
Jo xxx
Hi Caitlyn
I'm new to this forum and I have just been reading back through your posts.
When I was 18 I thought my life was over. I suffered panic attacks regularly, was depressed and didn't leave the house for months.
I couldn't eat with my family because it would bring on a panic attack though unlike you I could eat when I wanted to.
I hated myself, I hated the doctors for not finding a 'real' disease they could cure.
I hated my friends and family for not suffering like I was and being able to lead normal lives. I hated the fact that I had failed my A levels, had to drop out of college and then school again because I was too scared to live a normal life. I thought I was about to drop dead any minute and slept as much as I could to blot out the horrible feelings.
The worst thing was thinking things would never get better. But I always had a little hope and tried to enjoy any small things I could.
When I was awake at 4am because I had been sleeping all day I would read, colour in pictures with felt tip pens (sounds daft for an 18-year-old but therapeutic), knit and watch television.
I was cheered by your quote
"If I had strength i wouldnt spend my time hiding in my room watching tv or coming online."
As others have said if you are coming online or even watching TV try to enjoy and concentrate on these small pleasures. Do you find yourself laughing at any comedy shows or appreciating music? Even if its for a second or just a smile there is hope.
I've not had any real experience of eating disorders myself (except whan I was a young teenager when I had to eat soup when out because I was scared of choking).
But you mentioned eating pudding. If there is something you do like the taste or texture of why not just eat that for a while. Eating just chocolate for a week is better than eating nothing.
I mentioned earlier I was at my worst in my late teens/early 20s but I am now 37 and have lived a 'normal' life for a long time and just got married to a great chap. I would never have imagined at 18 the things that I have done and experienced over the years, especially when I daren't even go out of the door.
What I am trying to say is that it is a slow process and it is little by little. Enjoy and savour any happy or good times however short and believe that one day it will be the good times that take up most of your time and the bad ones rarely.
Good luck
Pam
Pam,
Thanks im glad you liked my quote lol. Yes i enjoy TV shows i sing along with commercials and can tell you the whole timeline for TNT and what things come on what days. Think im addicted? Roseanne is my favorite show makes me laugh. I also like Summerland, as for music i like punk/rock, not hardcore punk like for examply i like yellowcard. They make me happy and Blink-182 i like. Coheed & Cambria is good when your depressed. There music isnt at all happy more depressing lol but i like it. One more thing I DONT have an eating disorder, my emetophobia affects my eating though. Im trying really hard to get better.
Caitlyn,
did you getto the doctor's last week love? I know you were due to go. Good idea to watch programmes that make you laugh. I've done it loads in the last few weeks and listened to silly songs too [that's more for us 'oldies' I guess].
How are you doing today[?].
love Tess xx
quote:Originally posted by Caitlyn89
Pam,
One more thing I DONT have an eating disorder, my emetophobia affects my eating though. Im trying really hard to get better.
Caitlyn
I am really sorry to assume emetephobia is an eating disorder. I should have done more research before making comments. I have now looked on Google to find out more about it.
Glad to hear that you enjoy TV and music.
Pam
Ooops
I should have learnt how to spell emetophobia!
Pam
lol its ok. There are other people on here to who have it just type emetophobia up in the search engine.
Caitlyn, how was your doctor's appointment?
Eh she want me to take this drug called Remeron thats the brand name its generic name is like mitz something im not sure how to spell it. Well i dont want to take it. A possible side effect is SEVERE VOMITING not even just vomiting NOOOOO its got to be severe!!!
nomorepanic
18-06-04, 20:32
Does the leaflet saying "severe vomitting" really relate to this drug or was it just a general sheet of info?
If you are too scared to take it then go back and tell her you can't take a drug that will make you vomit. She will be able to prescribe another one for you. I went through 3 different blood-pressure tablets before settling on one that agreed with me.
Nicola
It said it under possible side effects on this sheet thing she gave me. It said call doctor immediatly if these effects happen. Its weird though no where online does it say vomiting under side effects but it says it on the sheet the psych gave me.
nomorepanic
18-06-04, 21:02
Yeah that is what I was wondering - if it was a generic sheet of info and not specific to that particular drug. I am sure it would have been listed on at least one web site if it was relevant but I never saw it either.
Could you go back and clarify it with her just for your peace of mind?
Nicola
I could...what do you think i should do?
nomorepanic
18-06-04, 22:42
i think that unless u are sure it isnt a side-effect then u wont take it so best to check yeah?
Nicola
well it is a side effect it just only says it in one place instead of 2. I mean say you were in my shoes would you take the Remeron? Like Emetophobia so puke=death but with the remeron you feel less anxiety you sleep better and you gain weight. So what would you do?
Caitlyn I'd take it as so many possible side effects never happen to people. The warnings just have to be there in case they do and anyone sues the manufacturer. The trouble with this anxiety thing is it makes you scared to take medication [or thats what I've found]. When I first took my blood pressure tablet I was really freaked about it.
You could just ring the doctor to check though if it makes you feel better. In the long run they sound as though they will really do you good love. Best of luck with it,
love Tess x
Im going to end up taking it tonight. Since you are all in the UK you wont be up but the next morning if you happen to see any crazed emails from a mad woman...you'll know its just me.
Caitlyn
Hi Caitlyn
Give it a try, the way things are at the moment you have nothing to lose and a lot to gain. Like Tess says about side effects, even headache tablets have a list as long as your arm for side effects, but we anxiety suffers read into them too much. When they give tablets to us they should banish all info about side effects as we home into the straight away. Lets us know how you are getting on with them.
Love Sal xxxxxx
Well i do have a lot to lose for example vomiting i'll do it go crazy hysterical wont eat and lose more weight and wont take the remeron ever again.
Well done for taking it Caitlyn[^]. Just get this first few times over with and you will begin to trust in the medication. How are you feeling now?
love Tess
I wont ever take it again. I worked myself up into 2 panic attacks. Shaking crying Nauseated and i couldnt stop shaking like uncontrolable. I hated it im not going to give myself a reason to feel like that again.
Caitlyn
In your words hon "you worked yourself up" it wasnt the tablet that did it but the thought of taking it. Please try it again. I know how hard it was i have been there, i have taken tablets and gone into one and gone straight to doctors convinced i was allergic to them, but after one tablet you cant get the side affects that the information states. If the side affects came that quick, why does it take up 2 2-4 weeks for the tablets to work. I honestly believed the tablets made me worse from day one but how could they when it takes so long for your body to respond to them.
Try again hon
Even your darkest hour only last 60 minutes!!
Sal
Sal,
I was getting better. Well eating wise i was getting better. Then now today i was worse. Its like it went back to day one. I dont like this medication at all. Im not going to work myself up into a panic every night. I cant do it. The shaking really scared me.
Caitlyn
Caitlyn,
you know Sal is right, don't you? Keep taking it please. How about distracting yourself with something you really really enjoy doing? Offer yourself a reward for taking the meds and then for keeping calm after. You know you can do that and not get worked up. Could you go out with a friend maybe? Or watch a favourite programme or video tape? When I was really bad I made myself go for a walk with my husband even though I spent some of the time crying. It was a good distraction.
I know it's not easy love just hang on in there - you know it is you making you feel like that and not the meds - give them a chance to do you good,
love Tess xx
Tess,
No im not taking it anymore...tried the distraction thing...still panicked...quite badly too.
Oh dear Caitlyn, what does your Mum say about this? Please don't give up without a fight - how about going back to the doctor and telling him how you feel[?]
love Tess x
They dont really care they will just tell me to take another damn med or tell me to go into a hospital which my DM would love!
Surely not love. I know that being your age and getting on with your Mum is difficult because I've been there so I guess it must be really hard with a problem like this. But I would still bet you anything that your mum loves you to bits and wishes you could get better.
Please think about the tablets Caitlyn. If you could just imagine to yourself 2 months on and you feeling so much better which is what would happen you know. I don't know what else to say, I wish we could do something to help you.
Take care,
love Tess xx
So what am i supposed to do take it and have another frigin panic attack not eat again and lose more weight which i cant afford to lose?!?!?!??!
Hiya caitlyn
The thing is, no one can help you but yourself. We can give you the support you need but only you can make descisions like this yourself.
The way I see it you have a couple of options.
Take the medication, stick with it, the panic attack you had wasnt due to side effects but your brain working overtime worrying about what could happen. The drug itself might make you feel bad in a few days and it might last a week or two but once your body has settled on them, you could be leading a 'normal' life within a month or so.
OR
Dont take the medication and do it yourself with out it. You need to find something to occupy your mind - a new hobby?, find something that you have to think about when you do it so your mind doesnt drift.
I know you feel sick when you eat but try eating good healthy foods to get your body working properly - fruit, chicken,meat, vegetables, pasta, rice and not burgers and chips etc. ( I know asking you to eat food is like telling me to get on a plane but if I had too I would!!!)
Get some exercise or fresh air, walk round the block once a day - it will get rid of excess adrenaline (which fuels anxiety) and will also tire you out so you get a good nights sleep.
Take nice hot baths to relax you before bed - use candles too and read a good happy book while you are soaking.
Reward yourself for doing something good - a trip to macdonalds?, a new CD?
Learn to breathe properly to calm yourself. (breathe in for the count of 3 and out for the count of 4).
Buy a home exercise and relaxation DVD or CD and promise yourself you will use it everyday.
I know its not easy but by doing this sort of thing I have gone from being totally housebound to being able to go shopping on my own and going to pubs and clubs again. (and yes I do take medication too)
Take care, I know this might sound like harsh advice but its nearly 2am here and im tired but I really want to help you!!!
love Sarah
xx
we arent mad, just the next stage of evolution :)
Hi Caitlyn.
Just a short post to say all the best with your prob's I know the horrible feeling of depression I have been there and am still living through it.I will take the time to read through all your posts later.
I hated anti'ds as well.and my doctor tried me on a hole range of them and after 8-10 different med's I was about to give up,the side affects were the worst for me.I hated my life and everything to do with it I thought the people giving me advice were only doing it to look good and to help themselves feel better.life was the worst I had ever lived.But finely after all the trial and error with the med's my doctor put me on the ones I am on now and I am pleased to say that I am doing much better.There is light at the end of every tunnel some tunnels are just longer then others.
I found the best person to help me was me. I was crying out for somebody to fix me when the only person who could was me.I am in no way saying that people who suffer from depression are weak or are a lesser person beleve me after living through severe depression I now beleve that people like us are much stronger then others who have not lived through it.I can't tell you how I got better or what turned me around in the direction towards wellness.All I know is that one day I realizedthat I was getting better and my mood and aditude towards life had changed.I guess it started when I gave into the depression and stoped trying really hard to get better.
I hope in some small way that this helps. I know some post people posted for me were very helpfull.Not with the advice but because they took the time to post and offer words of encouragement.
SO ALL THE BEST BRILL :):):):):):):):):):):):)
Never give up
Never give in
Life,s to short
Make it last :)
Brill
Sal,
Im going to try the second option :-)
Brill,
Im so happy the meds worked for you
Caz Fab Pants
27-06-04, 16:47
Hi Caitlyn,
How's it going? Just read through some of this post to get the general idea of whats going on because I was too impatient to read the whole 6pages!
I understand you have emetaphobia, cant eat and struggle to take the meds you have been prescribed and at your young age I think its just awful you are going through this. I know that you are probably sitting at home day after day blaming yourself for being this way but DONT. There is no point in blaming anyone, especially yourself because it is just going to make you feel worse.
How about trying to forget this entire situation and go and clear your bedroom out, get rid of some clutter and maybe change the furniture around. Now it may sound silly and totally unrelated to your problem but that is the whole point. Prove to yourself that it is possible for you to find something to do which has a purpose so isn't a waste of time and isn't fuelling your negative thoughts.
I always find I feel better if I do this because I end up getting rid of excess junk, I get a nice tidy room and get a great deal of satisfaction from achieving something even though it is something quite small.
Give it a go babe, you never know it might help.
Hugs,
Caroline
x
:( I dont have like i motivation ya know. I always say im going to do something but then something happens. Something ALWAYS happens...like for example right now i have a stomach ache. I hate having stomach aches i just wish they would go away. I praticily get them everyday.
What else can i do...there was no other hope for me so now as my last resort i am going inpatient and im quite worried. My blood tests came back and it said my protein and phoshorus levels are elevated. What does this mean? Replies would be helpful
caitlyn, take some time to pamper yourself... there is always some way to take your mind off things, i know myself that it is hard but dont just automatically look for the bad in things. Keep trying xx
H
Lol thats what i always do, how do you pamper yourself and i dont get how im just supposed to not think something....i cant control my thoughts
hi caitlyn, im not sure what those blood test results mean but if you were in any kind of trouble - they would have treated you there and then. so try not to worry and i hope your feeling ok in general.
soz if im being a thickie but does 'inpatient' mean you are going to stay in hospital?
keep in touch, you take care andrew
Hi Caitlyn
Soz havent been in touch but like you had a rough time. How do any of us control our thoughts when we feel anxious? You find one person that does and they dont suffer from anxiety. You are getting some brilliant advice, so however hard it is for you to see it try and take it on board. I am not telling you how to "suck eggs" here but accept the advice, dont fight it. We all get negative and at the moment you couldnt get more negative than i feel but you cant let it beat you. A fact you wont like here, but if you have given in and cant fight it anymore, you wouldnt be sending us the post and communicating so well. Look at the good side rather than the black side. I cant give you a miracle cure and if i could i would be worth millions, but like us all we can keep supporting you, but been frank now and you may not like this, neither may other people on the site, but dont keep been defensive with us, we are helping you not making you suffer. If this post sounds too harsh, i apologise now, but like you for different reasons i am not coping at all at the moment, but would not reject peoples advice on this site even if i disagreed with it. SUPPORT is what you need, so remember that and take it on board, dont throw it back. You are young and you have a life in front of you, not an easy one but you can make the best of it. I might sound condescending here but like ive told you before i have sat with people who have no reason to live and i have justified why they should but at the same time ive thought if that was me nothing could convince me. So however steep the hill, however bleak the horizon looks and however long the tunnel with no light, there is hope. Your first step to recovery is accepting that rather than fighting it. When you want to beat it we can help you, when you want to get better we can help you. You make the first step Caitlyn and we will walk the rest for you.
Before you throw this back at me remember this is coming from my experiences and how i feel now. Trust in yourself then you will trust us.
Love Sal xxxxxx
You know Sal,
I dont have a clue what you are talking about, i always take everyone's advice....i dont recall ever telling anyone i dont want their support and i do not appreciate you treating me like this, i always took your advice and after reading this im wondering if i should leave this site. I liked this site a lot but if everyone thinks, as you so bluntly put it, that i reject their advice im starting to have second thoughts. Im quite upset at your posting. If everyone thinks im being defensive and throwing their support away maybe i should leave.
Caitlyn
Sorry my advice came over to bluntly. There is no reason for you to leave the site at all. You are getting a lot of help here. From my personal point of view at times i do feel i have tried to help you and you havent liked my advice. That doesnt reflect on any one else on the site. I am sorry i upset you, that was never my intention. I hope to speak to you soon.
Caitlyn,
I'm sure you are just feeling a little sensitive. We are all trying to help you on this site and Sal does both have a point and your best interests at heart. She wouldn't want to upset you at all.
love Tess
Well she did...and sal i dont know what i said but i always at least make an attempt to try everyones advice...i wont be on for awhile...going in patient tomorrow
hi caitlyn, im sure it wasnt sal's intention to upset you either. well hopefully the hospital experience will be alright and all will go well for you, if you can get online keep in touch with us. best wishes, you take care andrew
I know this is like years ago , but I've just read the whole post & to be quite honest Caitlin (if u are still logging on to nmp) I think u have been very rude to everyone who has tried to help u & give advice to u .. U wrote back to someone & used the term "duh" I'm sorry but how patronising.
People here want to help & all u do is out obstacles in the way of everyone's advice & throw it back in their faces.
Have u never stopped & considered that maybe they are having a rough time of it too!?
Maybe the advice they are sharing with u is something that helps them , & u say 'no no doesn't work , nothing will work' that could really knock someone's confidence who is just trying to be supportive of u!!!
U need a serious reality check if u think u can sit online all day , post rude comments to people & expect that u will just get better over night.
Because u won't!
It takes time , hard work , effort & courage.
I'm not disputing the fact u have emet & I'm not saying it isn't bad .. I've suffered with it since I was 11! Ive posted on here in times of panic and have received advice that I've thought "well I know this won't work" but I have always posted back saying thankyouu & that I appreciate the time people have taken to reply to me.
U sound like a very immature little girl who thinks it is "cool" to feel anxiety & depression & anyone who tries to help just gets an ignorant reply.
Trust me , u have no idea.
Hav u had weeks and weeks of not eating anything because u are so scared? Doubt it.
U say u have a good appetite , well good for u , some of us emets are tormented daily by the thought of food! So be grateful u aren't.
As for tablets , it's ridiculous .. U tried it once & u felt sick , boo-frickin-hoo.
U should of askd when u went to the drs if it would upset your stomach , it's the first question I always ask ever since I was young & if yes u ask for an alternative!!
And u ask about therapy , u ask what is available to help u , not come online & post sob stories.
People here only want to help people who want to help themselves.
U spoke to sal in a crude and vile manor after all the help she has given u , the encouragement , the worry she has had about u as u can tell from her posts.
U should be ashamed.
& I don't give a toss if this post has upset u , I'm sure everyone else thinks the same.
I'm not usually an angry or non understanding person , but u lady have made me mad reading this. Not once have u said anything positive , even if it was just "watched a really good film tonight , took my mind off the emet for a while" because come on , distraction does help & u know it.
Apologies to anyone who reads my reply to this girl & her post & as I say I know it was ages ago but I could not just sit here & not say anything.
nomorepanic
18-06-12, 02:33
The original post was 8 years ago and those members have long gone.
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