I failed today............

[Aaron_southcoast]

Hi everyone,

Today was a big step back for me. Please bear with me while I get things off my chest.

In early 2009 I hurt my back in the gym. It turned out to be a muscular injury which cannot be cured with anything as such. The pain was severe so I was prescribed very strong painkillers.

Fast forward to 2012 and I realised I was addicted to painkillers. It was around this time I started to get severe panic attacks then developed constant anxiety. Perhaps caused by a chemical imbalance as after a while the brain "forgets" to produce its own serotonin as the opiates in the painkillers release serotonin in the brain also.

I sought help through my GP and a charity called Addaction and have been on an opiate subsitute programme for 2 months or so. Im completely free from painkillers and have tapered myself down to the lowest dosage of subsitute.

Yesterday was meant to be my last day on the programme but this morning it all went wrong. Knowing I had nothing to take I completely panicked this morning as soon as I woke up. I had my anxiety fairly under control with the help of propranalol 40mg twice a day and seeing an Integrative Therapist which I started last week. I gave in and called my support worker and have now gone back on to the subsitute.

I feel that ive failed and let everyone down, my partner my friends and family. I cant shake off that horrible negative feeling and its got me really down today.

I cant help but think that im a failure.

Aaron

[Annie0904]

Aaron you are not a failure at all, sometimes it takes longer to achieve a goal and this doesn't mean you have gone back over. don't be so hard on yourself. You will get there...it isn't easy to come off something you are addicted to and your anxiety got the better of you today but that doesn't mean you will never be able to do it. Well done for trying and you will get there..today just wasn't the day. :hugs: :hugs:

[mikejames]

Well after all you have been through I don't think the word failure should ever be used you have done fantastic and ok today might not have gone to plan but so what ? Next time will be different or it might not - stop beating yourself up now relax put your feet up mike xxxxx

[paranoidtree]

oh hun, you haven't failed at all. You were so strong for realising that you weren't quite there yet - that's a really big achievement! Sometimes it can take longer than we expect to come off something we were addicted to and there is no harm in going back to the substitute - look at all you have achieved, that's amazing and so are you!

[Aaron_southcoast]

Very kind words from you all, thank you for your encouragement

[claireuk]

Hi aaron your doing really well your trying thats the thing.Youve just had a bad day today we all get them ur not alone.Your still going to counselling so thats good positive .Keep it going mate i know u will get there in the end.


claire x