Reducing from 20mg to 10mg-struggling.

[BettyCrumble]

I've been taking citalopram for 8 months now for depression, anxiety and panic. My dose was 20mg and I found that after 3 or so weeks it was really helping me.

I have felt so good for months now. Not altered personality or anything, just a perfectly grounded and normal me.

I went to the doctors and told her of my calm feelings and she suggested I wean off citalopram. I agreed and for the past week I have been on 10mg.

I feel awful:

Can't sleep/switch off/lie there worrying about things that don't effect me.
No motivation to get on with chores.
My children (on half term) are annoying me (more than just getting under my feet, I feel like I can't cope with their noise which isn't anything at all, they're being good)
Eating for comfort/boredom
Feel so low/teary/shouting and gritting my teeth at the slightest thing
Feel frustrated and choked up frustration in my chest

Basically I feel back to square 1.

I lived like that for so long, for years. I hated that person and thought she was gone forever. I'm now scared that it was the tablets that was giving me a false sense of the calm me. That upsets me. I really am a dragon.

I just want to have 2x 10mg to get back to normal.

I want to be off the tablets and just be calm me without the help.

At this moment I can't see that happening. If I take 2x 10mg citalopram I'll be back to where I was but I won't be beginning the journey in coming off them.

Can I take 2x10mg one day and 10mg the next for the foreseeable future? Should I just plod on with the 10mg i.e. is it just withdrawl and I will get calmer/nicer/more able to cope? Should I half one tablet and take 15mg a day?

I'm very confused. The doctor didn't prepare me for any of this. If I go back i'll be back on 20mg and truthfully I don't want to be.

Any help you can give me would be great

I think I want someone to tell me that the feelings I have is the withdrawl and to just keep on with the 10mg because I will get better. Is that a likely scenario?

[Sparkle1984]

I haven't reached the stage of coming off them yet, but if you think the drop from 20 to 10 is too drastic for you, you could ask your doctor if you could drop down to 15mg for a few days first.

[little scientist]

Bettycrumble, Did you go straight from 20mg to 10mg? Like Sparkle says, if the drop has been a bit severe, a more gradual drop may be an idea.

Something I did when I last tapered off citalopram was to do 20mg and 10mg on alternate days and then eventually to 10mg.

[dogsandtea]

Your story sounds exactly like mine, except I tapered down to 15mg for a few weeks and then 10mg, it was when I got to 10mg and after a month or two that I started to slip back into old ways and habits. I tried to go back up to 20mg and it didn't work :( and was giving me terrible side effects. I am now back on 10mg.

The doctor told me that it does take 4-6 weeks for a dose to be out your system, so if you went down to 10mg overnight and were having these feelings, it isn't the dose reduction that is causing this. It is probably the underlying anxiety of coming off a 'crutch'.

What lesson I have learned is that the drugs did cover up the problems for me, I honestly thought I was incapable of having panic attacks. Now I know I just have to sort out the problems properly with CBT. Which I hope will work...

If you do end up having to go back on them, don't be defeated. Sometimes we need these drugs. I know how you feel though, I totally wanted to be off them, and still do. But i'd rather feel ok :(

[morning_blues]

Hi Bettycrumble,
I went from 20mg down to 15 by biting a 10mg tab in half. I did that for a few weeks (5 i think) before going to 10mg. I felt a little wobbly going from 20 to 15, and then from 15 to 10 but nothing I couldn't handle. I've stayed on 10mg for quite a while - 4 months - and am very happy here!
I think with citalopram the key is to just go really really slowly and give your body plenty of time to adjust.
Are you having any other treatment at the same time? I've had counselling for 9 months which has helped so much.